Dire Fates
by David Tai
Summary: First of the OMG Vertigo Trilogy John Constantine: Hellblazer Written with Rod M. The Demoness Mara has discovered a weakness in Heaven, one that nobody else seems to have discovered yet. But she needs someone to do it for her. Enter the man feared
1. Explaining Oh My Goddess! and John Const...

-*-  
  
  
This is an imaginary story...  
Aren't they all?  
  
-Alan Moore,  
"Superman: Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?"  
  
-*-  
  
David Tai & Rod M.  
present...  
  
  
Dire Fates  
A John Constantine: Hellblazer  
Ah! My Goddess!  
Crossover  
  
Writer's Notes:  
background information on  
Ah! My Goddess! and   
John Constantine: Hellblazer  
  
-*-  
  
"Hello! You've reached the Goddess Technical Help Line!"  
  
-Belldandy,  
"Ah! My Goddess!"  
  
  
David Tai:  
Explaining Ah! Megami-sama! (Offical US Title: Oh My Goddess!)  
  
(Note: Japanese names are presented as family name first.)  
  
How did three Nordic goddesses come to be living on Earth with a  
young naive Japanese college student studying Engineering?   
  
It all started when Morisato Keiichi was answering the phone for  
his dormmates one day. He got hungry, and made a phone call to  
order food. A fateful call. He dialed the wrong number. He  
had called the Goddess Relief Office.   
  
And the goddess of Luck, Belldandy answered his call. She  
teleported through the mirror in Keiichi's room to grant him a  
wish. And when he idly wished that a girl like her would stay  
with him forever, she fulfilled his wish.   
  
She stayed with him.   
  
They moved to a temple when his dormmates kicked him out.   
Slowly, together, they began to build a life. Belldandy was a  
dream. Brown-haired, beautiful, an excellent cook, calm and  
relaxed, she was a tonic to Keiichi's often frazzled nerves.   
  
And they were happy.   
  
Then her sister followed her to Earth. Urd, Belldandy's elder  
sister, the goddess of Love.   
  
Urd came to meddle in Belldandy and Keiichi's relationship.   
However, in her attempts to get Keiichi to get serious with   
Belldandy, she arranged a screwup in the operations of Heaven.   
When it was discovered, she was banished to Earth as punishment.  
So she stayed with Keiichi and Belldandy. It didn't help Keiichi  
any that, unlike Belldandy, Urd was loud and boisterous. She was  
also drop-dead gorgeous. With long white hair and tan skin, Urd  
was a tigress given human form, sleek and sultry... and that made  
Keiichi nervous. That, and her attempts to teach Keiichi to be   
more "aggressive" at love.   
  
But they got by for a time.   
  
And then another sister followed. Skuld, the younger sister, the  
goddess of Invention.   
  
Skuld, who adored and missed Belldandy terribly, was disgusted  
that a mere human could hold captive her oneesama, her big  
sister, because of a mere wish. She stayed to watch her sister,  
disliking Keiichi at first sight. A bright, raven-haired girl,  
but also stubborn and temperamental, Skuld carried around a  
mallet in order to smash magical bugs. Having the personality  
and body of a young girl, Skuld, like any other typical child,   
adored ice cream, but she was a whiz at mechanical things, and   
would often demonstrate both her aptitude at machinery, and her   
mallet skill... much to Keiichi's chagrin. And Skuld and Urd   
bickered a lot, adding to Keiichi's headaches.   
  
But Urd and Skuld both knew that Keiichi's wish was a contract  
with Heaven, and did not overly interfere with Belldandy's  
orders, even if Skuld often tried to find a way to break up Keiichi  
and Belldandy, and Urd urged the two lovers on.   
  
And so the three goddesses stayed with Keiichi. And they were   
happy... somewhat.   
  
This did not go without notice, for the three sisters were the  
caretakers of the Ultimate Computer, the Yggdrasil, in heaven.  
Bugs began appearing. Little glitches here and there.   
  
Others came to pester them.   
  
Mara, the demoness, with a penchant for dastardly deeds such as  
turning people into animals.   
  
Peorth, an eccentric goddess from a rival Goddess Relief Office,  
with an overt interest in Keiichi.   
  
But Keiichi and Belldandy can hardly care less. They're in love.   
Love can overcome any obstacles, right?   
  
But together? Forever? A goddess and a mortal? Ah... that's a  
question yet to be answered.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"He dances on the edge of the known like a crazy man, pitting   
himself against Heaven and the Pit, because he is John   
Constantine, and because he is alive."  
  
-Dr Occult to Tim Hunter on John Constantine,   
"The Books of Magic"  
  
  
Rod M.:  
Explaining John Constantine: Hellblazer  
  
  
So, who is this John Constantine guy?   
  
Imagine if you will, a fellow of about six feet in height, with  
short blond hair that could be considered slightly on the spiky  
side, always with a cigarette handy. He has the trademark  
Trenchcoat, which every man of mystery seems required to have.  
His accent and demeanor mark him as Definitely British.   
  
So, what's so special about this fellow?   
  
He deals in the occult.   
  
No, he doesn't call down thunder or morph people into bunnies or  
summon blizzards. He doesn't even pull rabbits out of hats. In  
fact, he's rather lousy at fisticuffs.   
  
But that's not important.   
  
You see, John Constantine _knows_the_rules_.   
  
Oh, he has other powers. Nobody knows exactly WHAT they are, and  
John isn't talking. But then again, he doesn't use those powers  
as much as he uses his knowledge.   
  
For him, it always comes down to the technicalities of the  
occult.   
  
He knows what spirits absolutely can and cannot do.   
  
He knows that even the Devil himself has limits.   
  
And John knows _exactly_ how to manipulate those rules.   
  
His history is long and marked with moments of honor and  
disgrace. Growing up, he and his father truly hated each other.   
John's youth was spent gathering arcane knowledge and yelling his  
lungs off as the leader of the 70's punk group 'Mucus Membrane'.   
His first grand step into the occult, an attempt to exorcise a  
demon from a little girl in Newcastle, ended in disaster, with  
one of his friends demonically raped and the little girl damned  
to hell, her torn arm the only part of her left on earth.   
Accused of murdering the girl, John spent years in Ravenscar  
Asylum, where he was subjected to endless nights of torture for  
what they believed he did.   
  
He was eventually released from Ravenscar, wandered the world  
again, and even tangled in the affairs of the elementals.   
However, that isn't what earned John his fame. He is truly  
notorious for quite a few recent deeds.   
  
A lot of those deeds involve Hell. Here's what you need to know.   
Hell was, for quite a while, ruled equally by three devils. The  
First of the Fallen (who was in hell far earlier than Lucifer  
Morningstar), The Second of the Fallen, and the Third of the  
Fallen. John managed to:   
  
1) sucker the First into drinking holy water,  
2) through a bit of treachery, managed to actually 'kill' The  
First of the Fallen, if only for a while,   
3) trick The First, Second, and Third by selling his soul to all  
three, which, technically, forced them to keep him alive until  
two out of three renounced their claim on him,   
4) give all three Leaders of Hell the finger.   
  
He's done quite a lot more to royally offend all the major demons  
in Hell, but those four stand out.   
  
His notable deeds for which the Heavens dislike him are:   
  
1) a fairly strong anti-catholic streak,  
2) treating the Ten Commandments like a joke,  
3) causing the Archangel Gabriel's fall from grace,  
4) hacking Gabriel's wings off with a chainsaw.  
  
Again, those are the big ones. There's more, but they're too  
numerous to list and those four stand out. Heaven keeps a wary  
eye on John. And you know what? He doesn't care.   
  
Other small feats of wonder include pissing on (literally) and  
killing the Lord of the Vampires while being stone drunk, and  
averting the Apocalypse (something which, ironically, both Heaven  
and Hell seemed eager to start at the time. Only goes to show  
you can't please everyone).   
  
But what is most fearsome... and tragic... about him is... well,  
let John put it in his own words:   
  
"I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and  
cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness.   
  
"Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the  
last drop of your blood, I'll drive your demons away.   
  
"I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're  
down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only  
a nod and a wink and a wisecrack.   
  
"I walk my path alone...   
  
"Who would want to walk with me?"   
  
And that's John Constantine. Or, at least, some of him.   
  
The rest is still a mystery.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
John Constantine: Hellblazer was created by Alan Moore,   
Steve Bissette, and John Totleben. All rights and   
related characters are owned and published by DC Comics.  
  
Ah! My Goddess was created and copyrighted by Kosuke  
Fujishima. Published by Kodansha Ltd and Dark Horse  
Comics.  
  
This work of fan fiction is public domain and not intended  
for profit.  
  



	2. Who Me?

  
"He's riding the Synchronicity Freeway, and so everything just  
falls in place; Time, Movement, even Distance just sit up and  
beg for him. You're having an adventure, kiddo. If you  
survive it, it'll be fun."  
  
-Deadman to Tim Hunter on John Constantine,  
"The Books of Magic"  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
OOO  
O O  
OOOnce up a time...   
  
  
There was pain and strife and fire and anger and much confusion,  
so very much, on that beautiful blue sphere down below.  
  
There was bloodshed and savagery and horrors that just did not  
make sense.  
  
It wasn't right.   
  
He sighed, looking down upon it all, and once again felt that  
forbidden feeling.   
  
Doubt.   
  
He doubted the Creator.   
  
Surely, this was not the way things were meant to be.   
  
But He said that things were well, despite the events.   
  
But it did not seem right.   
  
But He said...   
  
But...   
  
There must be a better way.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
David Tai & Rod M.  
present...  
  
  
Dire Fates  
A John Constantine: Hellblazer  
Ah! My Goddess!  
Crossover  
  
Part 1: "Who, Me?"  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
OOO  
O O  
OOOnce upon a time, another time, another place...  
  
This was not good. She was getting worn out trying to calm down  
all these natural disasters befelling Japan. But if she didn't,  
not only would her beloved Keiichi die, but so would Megumi,  
Tamiya, and so many other friends she had made in her short stay  
on Earth. And then her senses tingled, and she flew swiftly  
away.  
  
Goddess First Class, Second category, Unlimited License Belldandy  
arrived over the sea watching the giant waves form. She was  
trying to breathe, having nearly used up her powers in trying to  
calm the earthquakes that was shaking up Japan, and had barely  
been able to prevent the shockwaves from hitting the island.   
But... no! Her blue eyes widened in shock. She had been unable  
to stop the huge tidal wave forming, and it was threatening to  
crash on Japan! She paused in air, knowing full well that any  
more use of her powers would cause her to be incapacitated for a  
while... but there never really was a choice. Her brown tresses  
flowed as she flew toward the tsunami.   
  
"Oneesama!" screamed a voice behind her. Belldandy ignored her,  
arriving just before the wave, an incantation already forming on  
her lips.  
  
"Thunder of Air,  
Rage of Water,  
Heed my words,  
And begone...!"   
  
A bright globe formed in her hands... and a luminescent beam shot  
out and hit the tsunami's center. Strain showed on Belldandy's  
face as she strove to fight the raging tsunami. Slowly the beam  
expanded, forming a shield that slowly started dissipating the  
giant wave.  
  
She had just enough time to sigh a breath of relief, before her  
energy ran out. As she started to fall toward the ocean, her  
last sensation was of two hands reaching to grasp her, and her  
last thought as she passed out...  
  
Keiichi...   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
OOO  
O O  
OOOnce upon a pub... another time, another place...  
  
There was a man.   
  
Ask his opinion and he'd tell you he was just an ordinary bloke,  
really. By appearances, you'd actually believe that. Just a  
typical British fellow, of average height, short blond hair, a  
trenchcoat, and otherwise perfectly ordinary garb.   
  
There was, however, a certain world-weariness in his eyes.   
  
He had many names.   
  
Conjob. Bastard. Most Hated. Trickster. Magus.   
  
John Constantine.   
  
He was, arguably, one of the most powerful and daring occultists  
of modern times. His style was entirely unique and  
embarrassingly simple, according to rumors.  
  
It was said amongst occultists that against a demon on earth,  
Superman would bludgeon the thing back to hell, Dr. Fate would  
cast some terribly complex spells at it, but only John would walk  
up to it, stare it in the eye, and tell it to go fuck off.  
  
And it'd work, too.   
  
As of yet, nobody knows why.   
  
At the moment, this great magus, this man of mystery, this  
Constantine, was doing some deep pondering. He was doing it in a  
bar, where most of the world's great ponderings took place.  
  
Something was bothering him. His head was a bit cloudy, the  
world was spinning a tad, and he currently didn't have a  
cigarette in his mouth.  
  
That wasn't it, though.   
  
The television droned the nightly news, a nightly recap of all  
the ills of the world. John's somewhat muddled mind took in a  
few tidbits.  
  
// ... state of emergency in Japan... more unrest in Bosnia as  
rebels continue to... ongoing famine in North Korea... riots in  
Los Angeles as police... bloodshed in the streets of Quarac as a  
car bomb... //  
  
Eh. Same old fucked up world as he was used to. Certainly not  
getting any better.  
  
Wait.   
  
His mouth.   
  
A tad dry.   
  
Ah.   
  
That might be it.   
  
Maybe. Find out soon enough, yeah?   
  
"HEY! BARKEEP! 'NOTHER BEER!"   
  
The bartender frowned. "Johnny, yer pissed drunk."   
  
After the mess he'd cleaned up down by South Brahms, he NEEDED to  
get drunk. Messy, ugly exorcism that was. Very ugly.   
  
Constantine blinked, took a few seconds to focus on the  
bartender, then scowled savagely while pointing a finger in his  
general direction.  
  
"Bollocks! I'm per'fly fine, I am. An'sides. Chas'll...   
drive... *HIC*"   
  
Then he remembered what was bothering him.   
  
"Aw bloody hell. What time's it?"   
  
"Half past midnight."   
  
"Aaaaagh, me girl'll be pissed. Wassuppos' ta call'er... oh...   
a few 'ours ago."   
  
He mulled this fact over in his head a few times.   
  
"Ah, well, she'll be mightily pissed come tomorra, but at's  
tomorra. Might's well head home anyway. Needa call Chas ferra  
lift. Use yer phone, Mikey?"   
  
"Don't call me Mikey, arsehole, y'know I hate it."   
  
"Yeah yeah, the phone?"   
  
"Go'head."   
  
"Thanks, Mikey, yer a lifesaver."   
  
"Shattup!"   
  
John snickered. "Ah, y'know I love ya, Mikey."   
  
"Yeah yeah, now call yer bloody cab."   
  
Ah, right. Chas. Phone.   
  
Pick up the phone.   
  
//Hello, Constantine.//  
  
Dial.   
  
-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-  
  
//CONST-//  
  
-BEEP-  
  
//-ANTINE!//  
  
-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-  
  
//DAMN IT, CONSTANTINE, STOP DIALING-//  
  
-BEEP-  
  
//-THE DAMNED PHONE!//  
  
Constantine frowned. There seemed to be a voice on the line  
already.  
  
"Hey, Chas, z'at you?"   
  
//Constantine, it's me, Mar-//  
  
"Bloody hell, son, you sound like a girl."   
  
//COOOOOOOONSTAAAAAAAAAANTIIIIIIINEEE!//  
  
A yell tends to sober one up.   
  
A yell on the phone doesn't do quite the same.   
  
A yell on the phone from a major Demoness of Hell works amazingly  
well, despite being filtered by the phone.   
  
Constantine's eyes narrowed. Either this was a prank or some  
spirit was yanking his string again. Either way, he wasn't in  
the mood for it.   
  
"Okay. Right. Whoever you are, miss, you got ten seconds before  
I hang up, right?"   
  
//Constantine, it's me. Mara.//  
  
John smirked. "Isn't this going the other way? I mean, aren't I  
supposed to be the one summoning you folk?"  
  
//Are you done being a smartass yet?//  
  
"No, but you've got my attention. Talk fast, okay luv?"   
  
//There is a disturbance in the Heavens, John. Something  
fundamentally wrong.//  
  
"Well, I'd think you folk would be cheering about that, yeah?"   
  
//This is SERIOUS, Constantine. It has the potential to tear  
asunder all of Heaven, Earth, and Hell.//  
  
"Enough to concern the demons down below, eh?"   
  
//Will you help us?//  
  
"Meet me in an hour at the Bridge, then we talk."   
  
-click-  
  
Ugh. An hour. Should've made that two. Still felt a tad  
boozed.   
  
He stared at the remains of his last beer and started putting  
things together. Had to be prepared.   
  
Mara. Hadn't heard from that one in a while.   
  
He wondered what she could possibly want.   
  
"You managed to reach Chas?" asked the barkeep.  
  
"Nah, but s'okay. I think I fancy a bit of a stroll anyway."  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Mara hesitated, watching him from the shadows of the Tower.   
  
How very appropriate, she thought, that he would want to meet at  
London Bridge. A place with its share of dark secrets, much like  
the man. She was amazed that a mere mortal like Constantine was  
the source of so much havoc as of late.   
  
Mara was feeling some doubt about the Plan.   
  
If the Lords of Hell found out she was dealing with HIM, they  
would have a fit. She certainly wouldn't be looked upon well if  
they found out she was trying to make him an _ally_.  
  
Ah, there was another problem.   
  
John Constantine also had an infamous track record of screwing  
over his 'allies'. There were certainly enough damned souls in  
hell to testify to that.   
  
And the mess he left Ellie in... oh, poor Ellie. Mara was  
especially irked at what happened to Ellie.   
  
This whole affair was definitely high risk.   
  
But if she pulled John's strings right... if...   
  
Oh, the possibilities.   
  
"Oi. You gonna stand there all night?"   
  
Mara blinked. "How long did you know I was here?"   
  
"Long enough. Cut the nonsense and get down here. I'm not in  
the mood forrit tonight, 'kay?"   
  
"A bit grumpy, are we?" purred Mara, materializing next to John.   
  
"Had a long day," grumbled Constantine.   
  
"The exorcism, yeah? Heard about it."   
  
"Yeah, some bloody demon with not'nuff vowels in his name.   
Yak-effing-Kay, or some bollocks like that."   
  
"Ykz'arth'ull-nf'tng. He wasn't too happy about it either."   
  
"Yeah? Good." Slowly, methodically, he pulled out a cigarette  
and lit it. He took a long pull from the cigarette, then blew  
smoke in Mara's general direction. "Now, luv, what's the bleedin'  
emergency?"   
  
"There's Heavenly Deities on Earth."   
  
John blinked, frowned, then snorted. "Oh yes, pain in the arse  
those deities can be, yeah?"   
  
Mara scowled and started pacing around. "No, John, you don't get  
it. They're STAYING on earth, as in permanent residence. No  
fading into the astral plane, no half-existence, they are  
_staying_ here and they should NOT. It's part of The  
Arrangement. There's Heaven, Earth, and Hell. Sometimes beings  
from ONE part take a holiday to ANOTHER part. Aside from mortal  
souls after death, persons from ONE part do not STAY in the  
other. They DON'T. It just ISN'T done."  
  
Constantine's mouth bent down at one corner and his cigarette  
drooped a tad. "Right. So... let me get this straight. You want  
me to poke about inquiring on the activities of of some heavenly  
deities that've merely decided to go slummin'?"   
  
Mara nodded.   
  
"What's it to you?" he asked.   
  
"Some parties Down Below don't like it, okay? There's talk of  
escalation. Oh, look, They have people stationed on Earth, so  
why can't we, yeah?"  
  
"I'd think your bosses would be keen on doing that sort of  
thing."  
  
"Oh, yes, some of them are, but some of them aren't. Besides,  
you know the score. We send some, then they send some, then we  
send some more, and the next thing you know it's one big  
Ragnarok... only we aren't ready yet! The Heavenly Host would  
kick us back downstairs and Hell would be a mess again!"  
  
"And you, of course," said John sarcastically, "are on the side  
of peace and non-violence."  
  
Mara shrugged. "All I know is I like the way things are now. No  
need to upset the status quo."   
  
"I see."   
  
"So, you'll look into it?"   
  
There was silence.   
  
John took another long breath from his cigarette, exhaled, then  
looked Mara straight in the eye.  
  
"No."   
  
"What?!"   
  
"I don't care t'mess with the business of them Up There. I  
haven't in a long while and I don't care to do it again."   
  
"But-"   
  
"I said, _no_." He took that moment to blow some smoke in her  
face. "Thanks for the news, luv, but I've _really_ no further  
interest, so head on back to Hell, eh?"   
  
"Very well..." Mara faded from view, leaving John alone on the  
Bridge. He tossed his cigarette to the ground, mashed it with a  
foot, then walked away into the London haze and disappeared.   
  
A moment later, Mara rematerialized high atop London Bridge,  
smiling. She had him curious. It was only a matter of time now,  
and she was watching every step he took.   
  
As she looked into the dark horizon, the clouds overhead rumbled  
and a few heavy drops of water fell.   
  
Mara looked up, frowning, and, for some reason unknown, was  
reminded of the old myth... raindrops were the teardrops of  
angels as they cried.  
  
She dismissed the thought and faded into nothingness, leaving the  
Tower of London alone to bear the steady drops of rain.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Half a world away, in a large shrine, a young raven-haired maiden  
clung to her sister's bedside.  
  
"Belldandy!"   
  
Skuld could only cry. She had been unable to reach her big  
sister in time to help her, save to teleport her back to the  
shrine. She did not know what to do. Her big sister was  
unconscious, in a deep sleep as she sought to regain her energy.  
Her other big sister, Urd, was off chasing some misbegotten  
demoness, and Keiichi was at a shelter, hiding with the other  
mortals of this small island country, fearful of the calamities  
striking. Skuld was all alone, unable to do a lot to stem the  
numerous disasters striking. All she could do was... cry. She  
reached out to take her sister's hand, sniffling as she did so.  
  
A gloved hand came down on her arm. "Leave her, young one. She  
will recover in due time, but time is something of which we have  
precious little. We have more pressing matters to attend to," a  
calm, deep voice spoke in Nordic.  
  
Skuld blinked, and looked up at the mysterious person who had  
stopped her. Black shoes. Dark blue pants. White turtleneck  
sweater. Blue coat. Blue cape. Unsmiling mouth. White eyes.   
Blue hat. Black hair with streaks of white...   
  
Wait.   
  
White eyes?   
  
She gave a startled squeak as she met the stranger's eyes...   
  
They were BLANK! No irises, no pupils...!   
  
"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"   
  
The stranger seemed to wince, if only slightly. "My apologies,  
young goddess. But there is chaos..."   
  
Continuing to scream, Skuld grabbed her mallet from its resting  
place on her back. Only a smooth step backward prevented the  
stranger from having his head introduced to Skuld's favorite  
tool.  
  
The stranger fidgeted for a moment, avoiding another blow, and  
then sighed. "If you calm yourself and listen to what I have to  
say, young one, I will take you out... for ice cream."   
  
Skuld paused in mid-swing. "Promise? Who are you, anyway?"   
  
The stranger inclined his head. "Forgive me. I have no name,  
no identity. Mortal men call me... the Phantom Stranger. I have  
come to tell you this: There is chaos in heaven. The earthly  
disasters were but one symptom of what ails Heaven. Chaos is  
appearing in what should be Order. There is but one man who can  
help you set things right."   
  
Skuld returned her mallet to behind her shoulders. "Who? Where  
can I find him?"   
  
"Seek the hellblazer, the smoke-wreathed man, he of the  
trenchcoat, whose name is whispered with fear and loathing among  
those of both heaven and hell..."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Urd looked at her surroundings, her expression neutral but  
bordering on smiling.  
  
It looked like any other pub in London.   
  
The lighting was slightly dim, to give the place that 'cozy'  
feeling. The furniture was of dark oak, giving the place a nice,  
cozy feeling. At the far end of the room there was a fireplace  
burning nicely, and of course, there was a bar.   
  
There was one unique thing about this pub. It was _always_ in a  
happy sort of mood. Oh, some nights were quiet, but even on  
those nights there was a happy sort of content that seemed to  
spread to anyone that was there. Here, they forgot their  
worries. Here was something that was almost as good as home.   
  
Here was a place to get righteously pissed and drunk.   
  
This was also the first place Urd went to in her investigation.   
  
She'd heard through the grapevine that Mara was up to something  
here, something that was going to shake up the system if she  
actually succeeded. She didn't have any more details than that,  
but just knowing Mara was up to something big was enough to  
warrant investigation.  
  
Besides, for some odd reason, nobody else was available for it.   
  
She was, at the moment, waiting for a certain someone to enter  
the pub. Then she realized that wasn't the way it worked.   
  
"It's been a long time," she whispered, shaking her head  
ruefully. She took a swig of the lager in her mug, then quietly  
began to sing.   
  
o/~ Dance, dance, wherever you may be o/~  
o/~ I am the Lord of the Dance, you see! o/~  
o/~ I live in you, and you live in me o/~  
o/~ And I lead you all in the Dance, said he! o/~  
  
She felt it in the air, an ancient spirit that roamed the isle of  
England once, but had not been seen for over five hundred years.   
It was the spirit of happiness, and of joy. Wherever men and  
women gathered for song and drink, that spirit loomed near.   
Whenever they sang his song, he was summoned. For over five  
hundred years he was silent, but he had returned again as of  
late. And now, Urd was summoning him once again.   
  
A deep and amused voice, his voice, spoke. "Did someone call?"   
  
Next to Urd appeared a large, burly man, dressed in a white  
leisure suit. His face was framed with sideburns, a moustache,  
and a thick dark brown beard. The words 'jovial', 'merry', and  
'happy' seemed to fit this gentleman properly.  
  
He was, after all, the spirit of celebration, the Lord of the  
Dance.   
  
Urd smiled. "Hello there, Arcadian."   
  
He raised an eyebrow and tsked. "After all the wild parties we  
had, that's all you have to say to me?"   
  
With a warm smile Urd wrapped the man in a hug. "Hey, you old  
fool! You haven't been keeping in touch! Where've you been?"   
  
"Ah, well, I've had rough days, but I'm better now." He took a  
seat next to her and reached out for a frothy mug that seemed to  
have been there already, though Urd didn't notice it before. "So,  
what brings Mistress Urd to the shores of England once more?   
Perhaps, as the youth of today put it, a kegger?"   
  
"Heh. No, not here to party, although we really should do that  
sometime now that you're back. I'm here looking into something."   
  
"I'll help you any way I can."   
  
Urd smiled, took another pull from her mug, and hrmed. "Ah.   
Good to have a nice, old fashioned pub beer again. Sake's great  
but there's just no substitute."  
  
The Lord of the Dance raised an eyebrow. "Sake?"   
  
"Yeah," said Urd, nodding. "Been spending my time in Japan  
lately. My sisters seem to have gotten themselves stuck there,  
and SOMEONE has to watch over them."   
  
He smirked. "Heh, and here I was thinking they kicked you out  
again."  
  
Urd tried to look innocent. "Oh, perish the thought." She  
raised her glass one more time and finished off the last of her  
brew. "Aaaah. Right then. To the point. Have you heard  
anything about Mara lately?"   
  
"No, can't say that I have."   
  
"Any sort of demonic activity around here? Anything that might  
be related to all these natural disasters increasing recently?"  
  
"Well, you know there's always-"   
  
"Anything worth mentioning, I mean."   
  
The Lord of the Dance frowned. "The First of the Fallen was up  
here a few months ago."  
  
Urd raised an eyebrow. "What was HE up to?"   
  
"He was after a friend of mine. I headbutted him. He ripped out  
my ribcage. Clearly," he said, shrugging, "things are much  
quieter now."  
  
"Must be some friend."   
  
"Aye, one heck of a fella. Say, why don't ye stay around for a  
bit? I'll call down some of the lads and we'll have a right  
boozer like old times, eh?"  
  
"I dunno..."   
  
"Once more," he said, smiling. "For old times sake. As always,  
the drinks are on me."  
  
Urd grinned. Now how was she supposed to turn down an offer like  
that?  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
This was a most unexpected development.   
  
"Shite."   
  
He was in Hell. He didn't know how or why, but he was in Hell.   
His hands and feet were nailed to an upside-down cross. It was,  
very much, painful.  
  
"Oooooh shite."   
  
That wasn't the worst thing, though. The worst thing was The  
First of the Fallen standing over him and smiling a _very_ nasty  
grin.   
  
"Constantine." John didn't like the way he said it. It was said  
in a manner that guaranteed many hours of Cthulhullian horrors  
and pain.  
  
"I, er, don't suppose an apology would suffice?" he asked  
nervously.  
  
The First grinned maliciously. "No. I've been waiting for this  
for a very, very long time."  
  
Constantine shivered, then straightened, driving the nails  
deeper. "Y'sound like a pimply wanker on prom night, you  
dickless, wingless piece of shite. I'd just like to tell you  
while I still got a mind... sod off."   
  
Constantine smirked and managed a middle finger out past the  
nails. He closed his eyes and smiled grimly, expecting eternity  
to last a very long time from here on out.   
  
"John Constantine, we must talk."   
  
Eh?   
  
John blinked, looked around again, then noticed that the Phantom  
Stranger seemed to be calmly standing next to The First.   
  
"Oi! Phantom Stranger, aheheh, am I glad to see you!"   
  
The First of the Fallen frowned. "Listen, could you do this some  
other time?" he asked the Stranger. "It was quite difficult to  
get this time slot."  
  
"My apologies," replied the Stranger, "but there are important  
matters which I must inform him of."  
  
John was squirming rather uncomfortably. "Hey! Stranger!   
C'mon, enough talking. Get me down from here!"   
  
The First sighed. "Fine, but please make it quick?"   
  
"It is but a brief warning," assured the Stranger.   
  
"Bloody hell, you bastard! This isn't tea time! The First of  
the Fallen's nailed my arse to the cross! HELP ME OUT HERE!!!"   
  
The Phantom Stranger stared at the Devil for a few brief, quiet  
seconds.  
  
"Oh... I didn't realize you needed privacy. Pardon me." With a  
poof of smoke, the First of the Fallen was gone.  
  
"Right! Good job, son!" cheered John. "Now that he's gone, set  
me free, eh? The nails are starting to get a bit uncomfortable  
in me palms, y'know?"  
  
"Listen carefully, John Constantine, there are ominous things  
afoot."   
  
"I'd listen better if you'd GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!!"   
  
"The best of intentions already results in the worst of  
tragedies."  
  
"You're really startin'to PISS ME OFF, DAMMIT!!!"   
  
"Divinities will court you for favors. Already a Demoness  
watches your every move."  
  
"GET ME DOWN FROM HERE YOU FRIGGIN' BASTARD!!!"   
  
"Trust no one, and let a child lead the way."   
  
With a billow of smoke and a scent of brimstone, the First of the  
Fallen returned. "Done yet?"   
  
The Phantom Stranger nodded.   
  
"Right then, here we go." The Devil cracked his knuckles,  
grinning.  
  
"C'mon, Stranger, PLEASE! Don't leave me like this! Please!"   
  
The Stranger frowned. "All you must do is open your eyes."   
  
"Open my eyes?!"   
  
And then he was gone.   
  
"GET BACK HERE, YOU GODDAMN BASTARD! Oh shite!"   
  
"Oh shite is right, John," said the First of the Fallen, casually  
tearing an ear off.   
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"   
  
"You know, I really should enjoy this more," said the First,  
ripping his other ear off, "but I'm not."  
  
"AAUUGH! PLEASE! STOP!"   
  
"Oh, one of these days, I'll get you good, but for now this will  
have to do." The Devil flexed his hand, then slammed it into  
John's chest. With a sickening ripping sound, his ribcage was  
torn off, and then the First of the Fallen held before John's  
face... his own bloody, still-pulsating heart.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"-AAAAAAAAAAAAA *clonk* AAAOW!"   
  
Ouch. Ow ow ow. Shite, that hurt.   
  
Hangover. Definitely a hangover.   
  
He blinked, taking in his surroundings. That was definitely the  
floor in front of his face. Shouldn't the bed be there? he  
wondered. How odd. Must've fallen off of it. Damn, his heart  
was pumping so hard it was liable to burst out of his chest.  
Cigarettes, where'd he put them? He groped for his cigarettes on  
his nightstand, found them, and lit one up. Ahhhh.   
  
Fragments of a nightmare flickered in his mind and faded away as  
he groggily stood up. Bits and pieces, however, clung to memory  
in a hodgepodge collection, enough to make him shudder.  
  
"Eeugh... last time I eat Jaffo's Curry past midnight. Whatta  
fuckin' dream."  
  
There was, however, one thing that struck him as very odd.   
  
Was it his imagination, or did the normally impeccably dressed  
Phantom Stranger have an... ice cream stain on his lapels?  
  
Nah, couldn't be.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Skuld puttered around her room, gathering things she thought she  
might need, and putting them in her backpack.  
  
Screwdriver. Check.   
  
Wrench. Check.   
  
Mallet. Check.   
  
Hmm... was that all? Guess so. Whatever else she might need,  
she could always cobble together.  
  
Right. Now to find...   
  
Skuld blinked. Find the trenchcoated man feared by heaven and  
hell? She had no idea who would be like that. She stamped her  
feet angrily. Why didn't the Phantom Stranger just come out and  
tell her WHO he was? She ignored the fact that she had forgotten  
to ask, since it was all HIS fault for being so mysterious!   
There wasn't ANY way she could find him now!   
  
Unless...   
  
She scampered over to her computer. Remote link to the  
Yggdrasil. C'mon, hurry up and connect... ah. She did a search  
for this man.  
  
Trenchcoat. 2,587,097 found. Narrow the search. Male Smoker.   
1,487,921 found. Hell. 541,652 found. Conjunction with Heaven.   
  
1?   
  
She keyed in that one.   
  
Skuld blinked. A summons to heaven had been issued, and was  
blinking on her monitor.  
  
Now what? She stomped her feet in disgust. Of ALL the times!   
She was BUSY! But the screen blinked insistently. Damn, a lock  
on that? That was unusual. But she wouldn't be able to get the  
name...  
  
Skuld sighed. She dropped her backpack and headed into  
Belldandy's bedroom. She looked at Belldandy briefly, reassuring  
herself that Belldandy was sleeping, and then she poured out a  
cup of hot tea and set it on the nightstand next to Belldandy.  
Skuld touched the tea with her finger... and was gone.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
A moment later...   
  
Skuld wasn't sure what to expect, but this was one of the things  
she was hoping it wasn't.   
  
It seemed to be a lecture.   
  
By, of all beings, the Archangels (otherwise nicknamed derisively  
as The Lord's Stormtroopers). They were waiting there, in the  
heavens, for her, in their usual white ethereal forms.   
  
"Ah... someone called me up here?" she asked, smiling nervously.   
  
"Skuld, child, we must have a talk," said Raphael nervously.   
  
"We understand you've been looking for a certain... someone,"   
said Uriel in a haughty tone.   
  
"And what if I am?" she asked defiantly. "I'm just looking  
for... um..." She took a moment to try and remember what it was  
the Phantom Stranger said. "A trenchcoated man, surrounded by  
smoke, feared by heaven and hell."   
  
"Oh dear, it's him all right," mumbled Raphael.   
  
Saraquael shook his head sadly and sighed. "Foolish little girl,  
you shouldn't look into things beyond your range."   
  
"What's wrong with asking about this?" she asked angrily. "Who  
is this person?"   
  
"The infernal bastard son caused Gabriel to fall! Gabriel!"  
yelled Uriel. "What makes you think you can do better,  
Norselander?"   
  
"What business do you have with HIM anyway, hm?" asked Raguel,  
taking a menacing step forward.   
  
"But there's something weird going on down there and I was  
supposed to find him and-" cried Skuld, before being rudely cut  
off.  
  
"That is no concern of yours, young goddess. Leave these matters   
to more competent beings, really," Michael said, with a frown.  
  
At this point, Skuld was insulted beyond any previous experience  
she'd ever had. Not even Urd or Keiichi had pissed her off this   
badly before.   
  
"You... you... you... idiots!" she fumed. She stormed off a  
short distance, then whirled around. She stuck out her tongue  
and blew them all a raspberry before disappearing into a  
turbulent whirl of light and air.   
  
"The little brat is going to get in trouble," said Raguel. "I  
shudder to think what HE will do to the stupid girl."   
  
Michael nodded solemnly. "You think after what happened to poor  
Gabriel, everyone in the Heavens would steer clear of HIM. Ah,  
well, what can you expect from a Norselander?"   
  
"Oh my, oh my," mumbled Raphael absently.  
  
Unseen by all, a Goddess with some resemblance to Skuld hovered  
quietly nearby. Peorth nodded, thinking over Skuld's words. A  
trenchcoated man, surrounded by smoke, feared by Heaven and Hell?   
She had never met him, but she knew of him. If other goddesses  
from a rival office were interested in him, then, of course, she  
would be too. She smiled.   
  
John Constantine, eh? Maybe I should pay him a visit...   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
It was nine in the morning and Clive Peters had a visitor.   
  
Clive Peters wasn't the kind of man that usually had visitors.   
He was a prisoner in the Whitechapel Hospital for the Criminally  
Insane. During a span of several months in the year of 1981 he'd  
gone on a killing spree, murdering five children.   
  
What the police didn't know was that Clive wasn't alone in his  
head.   
  
His visitor, however, did.   
  
"G'morning, Clive."   
  
"Hello John."   
  
"You know who I want to talk to. Let's get to it."   
  
Clive's features tensed. The skin on his face seemed to be just  
a _little_ tighter, and the grin he was wearing was a thing of  
evil.   
  
Clive's little secret was that he wasn't so much a Multiple  
Personality Disorder case as he was a Demonic Possession case.   
He didn't just kill 5 children. He raped and brutalized them  
before granting them the release of death. And this could not  
be blamed on the demon either. Because Clive Peters had   
invited the demon along for the ride. And the demon _enjoyed_  
it. It whispered dark thoughts to Clive, and Clive shared  
his own thoughts with it. And now that demon rose to the   
forefront.  
  
"AgaIn HeLlo, CoNsTaNtInE."   
  
"Hello, Gout."   
  
"WhAt YoU wAnT nOw?"   
  
"Just want to know the news, y'know."   
  
"YoU cOmE tO mE fOr GoSsIp? HaHaHa!"   
  
"Cut the laughing boy shit. I wanna know what Mara's up to."   
  
"ThE dEmOnEsS bItCh? FeH! sTiLl ShE wAgEs uSeLeSs WaR aGaInSt  
ThE fAtEs, As ShE aLwAyS hAs."   
  
"S'no talk of war down there? Y'know, storming the Earth and  
such?"   
  
"No MoRe ThAn UsUaL. hAvE yOu AnY bEtTer ThInGs To AsK? i   
gRoW tIrEd Of YoUr pRaTtLe."   
  
"Well, s'cuse me," said John sarcastically. "That's it, Gout.   
You can go bugger off now."   
  
"Oh CoNsTaNtInE?"   
  
"Eh, what?"   
  
"tHe FiRsT oF tHe FaLlEn HaS a MeSsAgE."   
  
"Yeah? What?"   
  
"FuCk YoU."   
  
John smirked, shook his head, and headed for the door of the  
locked, padded cell. "Heh, fuckin' typical. I'd tell him the  
same, but I've already done that several times now, eh?"  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
John looked thoughtful as he returned to his flat, puffing away  
on his cigarette. He had _that_ feeling, the one that he alway  
shad when something was going down, and was going to drag him  
down with it. The really maddening thing was that he hadn't a  
clue as to what it was.  
  
The nagging feeling that he was being watched all the time  
certainly didn't help.  
  
"Bloody paranoid," he mumbled to himself.  
  
If Hell wasn't doing anything, then what in hell was going on in  
Heaven that could have a demoness like Mara worried?   
  
John pulled out his apartment keys... and his door opened.   
  
Standing in his doorway was a gorgeous brunette, with diamond  
markings on her face, clad in skimpy, exotic, long-flowing clothing.  
She smiled at him.   
  
"Hello, John Constantine."   
  
John's cigarette fell out of his mouth.   
  
"Who the bloody hell are you?"   
  
The brunette smiled. "Peorth. Goddess First Class, Second  
category, Unlimited license." She reached out and tugged at  
John's arm. Bemused, Constantine followed her into the room,  
part of him mentally wondering what was going on, while most of  
him was busy reacting to the very feminine presence of this  
goddess.   
  
Peorth closed the door behind him, and smiled. "So... John...  
what do you say we get down to business?" She walked over to  
John's sofa and reclined across it in a very fetching manner.  
  
John raised an eyebrow. "Luv, isn't it a bit soon? I just met  
you, y'know."   
  
She raised a hand to her mouth and laughed. "Ah, John, you're  
delightful, but no... I was wondering if we could... talk."  
  
John narrowed his eyes as he took out a new cigarette and lit  
it. He took a puff and considered. "What's there to talk about,  
sister?"   
  
Peorth lifted a refined eyebrow. "I was wondering what things  
you were doing that would have Heaven and Hell take such interest  
in you right now."   
  
"Y'mean, other than the First screaming for my head, the  
archangels mad at me over Gabriel, and screwing around with  
demonesses? No friggin' idea, really."   
  
Peorth's smile grew strained. "Er... no. That's past history.  
What schemes are you up to now?"   
  
He blew smoke sideways out of his mouth. "Aside from some  
thoughts that are better left unsaid, sister, nothing."  
  
She stared. "Nothing?"   
  
He smiled. "Nothing. Be damned if I know why everyone's so  
interested in me lately. Must be me good looks."   
  
Peorth dropped the charming facade, swinging her shapely legs to  
the floor as she sat upright. "Who do you think you are,  
Constantine? You have both Heaven and Hell in an uproar over  
you, and all you can do is smile?" Peorth asked.   
  
John smirked. "Bugger off, sister. Toldcha, I have no bloody   
idea." He rubbed out his cigarette butt on an nearby ashtray, as  
if to punctuate his statement.   
  
Peorth stood up, pouting. "Just remember this, Constantine. I may  
seem like a 'sister' to you, but I am a Goddess. I am Peorth..."   
She stepped up close to Constantine, and ran a finger down his   
jawline. "...and I am _forever_."  
  
She stepped back. With a wink at Constantine, she was gone in   
a flash.  
  
John blinked, let out the breath he had been holding, looked   
around, and sighed. He shrugged, and then lit up another cigarette  
and trudged to his bedroom.   
  
"Great. Another one of THOSE bloody days."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
The pub which the Lord of the Dance owned was in a rather unique  
state.  
  
The Romans Pan and Fanus were passed out in one corner, both for  
some odd reason wearing lampshades. A pack of faeries were  
snoring peacefully, despite the fact that one of them was  
face-down in a bowl of pretzels. The Norse goddess Sif was also  
unconscious and in a state of semi-undress. There was a   
leprechaun that would have a lot to answer for, especially   
considering that he was currently also asleep, and his face was   
buried in Sif's bountiful bosom.   
  
Clearly, one hell of a party had happened here. The aftermath  
was bound to be one messy affair.  
  
It was also a breeding ground for inspiration.  
  
Some of the more inspired realizations come after a long night of  
boozers. The Wright Brothers had a rousing round of barhopping  
the night before they wrote up the schematics for their airplane.   
Shakespeare was known to partake of a solid night of wine  
sampling when he had writer's block. Gallileo had a few nights  
of being totally sloshed while staring at the stars.   
  
Urd was sitting at the bar, staring at the wood grain of its  
surface, shaking off the effects of far... far too many drinks.   
  
She was due for a bit of enlightenment.  
  
"Hey, Dancing Boy," she mumbled, kicking the Lord of the Dance in  
the shin.   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"Who would you say are the most... notable mages livin' in London  
today? I mean *really* big stuff."   
  
The Lord of the Dance put his bottle of beer down next to the 98  
others and hmmed. "Let's see... I can only think of two offhand.  
There's young Timothy Hunter. He's just a boy, a bit inexperienced,  
but supposed to become the next great magus or something like that."   
  
"He deal much with the occult?" asked Urd.   
  
"Mmm, no. The land of Faerie is more his domain so far."   
  
"Okay. So who's the other?" asked Urd.   
  
"John Constantine."   
  
"Constantine... Constantine... why does that name sound  
familiar?"  
  
"Because, lass, that name is big in Hell. He's a real  
specialist."   
  
"How good is he?"   
  
He told her.   
  
She thought about it.   
  
He told her some more.   
  
She thought about it some more.   
  
"Hmm."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
An hour later, it was indeed proving to be one of those days for  
John Constantine.   
  
He'd been walking about the streets of London, on his way to  
Header's old warehouse to sort through the things left, when he  
stopped to admire some new tvs on a storefront window.   
  
"Ooh, digital tellys," he mumbled. "Keen."  
  
He watched a television, as they displayed a blazing building  
somewhere in Manchester, with firefighters valiantly attempting to   
prevent the fire from spreading. Real sharp. You could almost  
see the tongues of flame licking away...  
  
Then he looked at another tv.  
  
Damn, the picture was rather impressive to his eye, incredibly   
clear with absolutely no distortion whatsoever. It didn't hurt   
that the television was connected to a camcorder, which, in turn,  
was pointed at him. He adjusted his tie and grinned knavishly at   
the camera.   
  
He blinked a bit when he saw, on television, a _very_ stunning,  
tall, curvacious, platinum blond, dark tanned beauty, walk into  
camera view, stand behind him, and wave.   
  
"Well, hello there," said John smoothly, turning around with a  
grin. His grin froze. He blinked.   
  
He was apparently alone.   
  
He turned back to the television.   
  
Mm-hm. Right there. Behind him. There was the woman.   
  
//Hi there. You John Constantine?// she asked. In the  
television, she was leaning on his shoulder. In real life, she  
wasn't. This was all somewhat disorienting to John.   
  
"Er... yeah, s'me."   
  
Suddenly, he felt a weight pressing gently on his shoulder. He  
turned to look and the woman was indeed there, in real life.   
  
"Hello, and who're..." Something was nagging him. He sensed it,  
but didn't realize what it was until now. She was a demoness.   
He ran a hand through his hair. "Bloody naff, two demonesses in  
one week?"   
  
Urd narrowed her eyes. "I am not a demoness."   
  
"You seem like one t'me," said John, eyeing her warily.   
  
"I'm not," she said flatly.   
  
John rubbed his head. "Coulda fooled me... look like yer  
hungover after a nite of good hard boozing."   
  
Urd smiled at Constantine. "Was just at a party of a friend of  
yours, in fact."   
  
John blinked, and then smirked. "Lemme guess. Me ol' mate, the  
Lord of the Dance?"   
  
Urd nodded. "But I'm not here about mutual acquaintances. You  
meet with a demon named Mara?"   
  
He blinked and nodded.   
  
"What'd Mara want?" asked Urd.   
  
John lit up a cigarette. "Bugger if I know. She tried to sell me  
some cock-and-bull story about heavenly deities on Earth. I ain't   
about to mess with things from 'em up there, anyway. Who might   
you be?"   
  
Urd inclined her head. "Urd. Goddess Second class."   
  
John muttered, "Bloody hell, if I had an inch for every female  
deity or demon that visited, I'd be the most popular bloke in  
London."   
  
"What's that?" asked Urd.   
  
"Nothing, nothing." He took another puff. "Another one of 'em  
goddesses. Yer tracking Mara?"   
  
Urd nodded. "Usually, she plagues Japan, but since she was in  
England, I thought I'd check things out. Hold on, Constantine...   
'another one'? Did another goddess visit you?"   
  
John grinned. "Called herself Port or something like that."   
  
Urd grimaced. "Peorth. If she's getting involved as well, then  
things could get very messy."   
  
John waved her off. "Whatever. Just leave me out of it, eh, luv?"   
  
She looked at him strangely. "You really have no idea what's  
going on?" she asked.   
  
"Not a bit. D'you?"   
  
"That's why I asked you," she replied.   
  
"Well, I haven't a clue, and if it's all the same to you I'd  
rather not be involved."  
  
Good, thought Urd. If Mara managed to get a mortal of HIS  
talents on her side, there was no telling what kind of trouble  
she could make.  
  
She flashed him a brilliant smile. "Certainly, and thank you for  
your time. Ciao."   
  
With a wave, she was gone.   
  
John puffed away at his cigarette, looking at the television  
speculatively.  
  
"Well... that was relatively not unpleasant."   
  
That Urd... John could have sworn he sensed the presence, if only  
faintly, of a demon when she was near.   
  
And he still couldn't shake the feeling he had that he was being  
watched.  
  
Something funny was definitely going on.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
With the John Constantine angle investigated, Urd returned to the  
Lord of the Dance's pub for another round of mulling (and  
moderate boozing).  
  
The first thing she noticed was Sif, awake again, and violently  
throttling a small leprechaun.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU!"  
  
"Ach! C'mon, lass, do ye nae havva sense o' humor?"  
  
*WHAM*  
  
Urd ducked. Something small and Irish flew overhead and out the  
door.  
  
She smirked as she stood up. "I told you Danny boy there gets a  
little grabby."  
  
Sif scowled. "Let us not speak of this again."  
  
Urd smiled and walked onwards to the bar, where the owner of the  
establishment seemed to be talking to someone, with him behind  
the bar and the woman's back to her.   
  
Then she stopped, sensing something she didn't expect to sense  
here.  
  
The woman at the bar straightened up and turned around slowly.  
  
"Urd."  
  
"Mara."  
  
The tension in the air was thick. A passing fly was instantly  
crushed.  
  
The Arcadian, in an attempt to halt any tensions that might break  
out, quickly stood up and motioned for Urd to join them at the  
bar. "C'mon, Urd, it's been a while since the three of us were  
together. Let's not make this a bitter reunion."  
  
Keeping a wary eye on Mara, Urd sat down.  
  
"So, Urd, what are you doing in this part of the world?" asked  
Mara.  
  
"Funny you should ask that," said Urd. "I was about to ask you  
the same thing. What were you planning to do with John  
Constantine?"  
  
Mara's eyebrow raised, and a brief moment of surprise flickered  
on her face. It was quickly gone, replaced by a calm expression.  
  
"I was hoping to do what no other demon in Hell had done: get  
John Constantine's soul damned to hell. Would've really  
impressed the bosses if I'd have pulled it off."  
  
"Right. That's your reason for being here."  
  
Mara grinned sheepishly. "Hey, I was bored."  
  
"How far did you get?" asked Urd.  
  
"Kept on telling me to sod off. Those crazy mortals, yeah?"  
  
"Yeah, crazy mortals." Both Demoness and Goddess took a moment  
to crack a small smile.  
  
"Well... I guess I'll be heading back to Japan, then," said Urd.  
"Who knows what trouble my sisters are into now."  
  
"Might as well slink back to Nifelhelm, myself," said Mara.   
  
"Don't be strangers, you two, okay?" asked the Lord of the Dance.  
  
"I'll be in touch," said Mara with a smile.  
  
"We'll do a kegger some time," replied Urd. "Call ya later."  
  
Demoness and Goddess vanished, leaving the Arcadian alone with a  
room full of deities either in slumber or waking up to a rather  
nasty hangover.  
  
The Lord of the Dance shook his head sadly. "Ah, politics of   
Heaven and Hell. It really sucks sometimes."   
  
Meanwhile, Miming, a minor Norse forest God, blearily scrambled  
up to the bar and took control of the remote. He did what few Gods  
before had ever done.  
  
He channel surfed on Cable.  
  
// - bombing in Israel today as -CLICK- continued famine in Korea  
-CLICK- volcanic activity reported in -CLICK- discovered the  
bodies of three children under a -CLICK- war in Quarac -CLICK-  
racial tensions rose today as riots in -CLICK-//  
  
"Blech," he mumbled. "Don't you get ESPN on this thing?"  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Skuld arrived back in her room in a huff.   
  
Those... those stupid snobby angels! What did THEY know? Old  
idiots, the whole bunch of them! Well, she'd show them! She'd  
find the trenchcoated man on her own! But first...   
  
She went to check on her big sister. Keiichi was there, sleeping  
and holding Belldandy's hand. Skuld frowned. So Keiichi was  
back from the shelter? Hm. She went to the other side of  
Belldandy's bed, checking her sister. Good.   
  
Keiichi woke with a start. "Oh, hello, Skuld", he said in  
Japanese, as he rubbed his eyes.   
  
Skuld frowned. "Hello, Keiichi."  
  
"What happened to Belldandy?"  
  
Skuld sighed. "She stopped a tsunami, and a few earthquakes  
today, and she's burned out. She needs to sleep for a while."  
  
Keiichi blinked, then looked at Belldandy proudly, but worriedly.   
"Ok. I just hope she's all right."  
  
Skuld sighed. Keiichi looked up. "Don't worry, Skuld. I'll  
watch over her."  
  
She glared at Keiichi. That... mortal! Who did he think he was,  
claiming her big sister... oooh! Just thinking about it made her  
angry! She stormed off to her room in a huff. There she activated  
Banpei, her faithful robot.   
  
"Watch over oneesama, and make sure that Keiichi behaves!"  
  
Banpei wandered off to do his mistress' bidding, and with a sigh,  
Skuld turned to her computer. Now that she knew they had an  
alarm system around that entry, she knew what she had to do.   
After all, she was the one who did the main debugging and  
security on the Yggdrasil, and she knew just how to circumvent  
that. She smiled widely, and then giggled, as she began her  
hacking.   
  
Past the first level... whoops, backup warning systems... better  
go around that and hit them from another direction... no... ah...   
get that silly wall out of the way...   
  
Got it.   
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
SEARCH RESULTS:  
  
(1) Constantine, John  
[profile] | [history] | [current status]  
[good deeds] | [unredeemed sins]  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
John Constantine.  
  
Right. Good. Now where was he? Oh, Current Status.  
  
-CLICK-  
  
And now Location.  
  
-CLICK-  
  
London, England?   
  
Skuld sighed. All the way to the other side of the world.   
  
She got up, grabbed her backpack, and her mallet, and stuck her  
head outside her doorway.   
  
"Hey, Keiichi? I've got to go to England! Don't try anything  
funny with my sister while I'm gone!"  
  
Keiichi nodded, still looking at the sleeping Belldandy and  
ignoring silent Banpei in the corner. As Skuld's words managed  
to get through the curtain of worry around his mind, he jumped  
up.   
  
"Skuld? WHERE did you say you were going?"  
  
But Skuld was already gone.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
While she did return to Japan, Urd was far from finished  
investigating what Mara was up to. Demons do lie, and she was  
doubtful that Mara was finished with whatever scheme she was  
planning.  
  
That didn't mean, though, that Urd didn't have time to check in  
on the homefront.  
  
She walked around the temple grounds, puzzled as to why things  
were so quiet. No brat hammering at some device, no Keiichi in  
the garage, and no Belldandy tidying about the place.  
  
Hrm.  
  
"Skuld? Belldandy? Keiichi? Anyone home?"  
  
There was no reply.  
  
She strolled down the hallway, intending to check Belldandy's  
room, when the humm of Skuld's personal computer caught her ear  
as she walked past.  
  
She slowly peeked into Skuld's room.  
  
Empty.  
  
How odd.  
  
"Skuld?" she called out. "Hey brat, you here?"  
  
No answer.  
  
With curiosity egging her on, Urd had a look at what was on  
Skuld's screen.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
YGGDRASIL DATABASE  
  
MORTALS: Constantine, John  
Current Status: Location: London, England.  
  
[back][top][save][print][mailto]  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Urd frowned. What was the brat doing looking up this guy?  
  
With curiosity still at the helm, Urd browsed what information  
there was on him.  
  
Hrm... Back -CLICK- aaaand Back -CLICK- aaand... hrm... let's  
see...  
  
She tsked at his terrible childhood and shook her head sadly at  
the way his relationship with his father was all badly messed up.  
She whistled with admiration as she read about what he'd done to  
the First of the Fallen.  
  
And then she saw his list of sins.  
  
Her eyes widened.  
  
The Lord of the Dance didn't tell her about THIS part of him.  
  
The man was... one really nasty bastard.  
  
Just what was Skuld doing looking up his file anyway?  
  
"Urd, is that you?"  
  
Urd, startled, looked up quickly and blurted, "I was just  
looking! Oh... Keiichi, it's you."  
  
"I thought I heard someone. Just checking."  
  
"Hey, where is everyone?" asked Urd.  
  
Keiichi frowned. "Belldandy exhausted herself preventing a  
tsunami."  
  
Urd whistled. "Must be sleeping, yeah?"  
  
Keiichi nodded.  
  
"Where's Skuld?" Urd asked.  
  
"She packed some things and said... well.. she said she was going  
to England."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
When one thinks of places where a denizen of Hell would hide if  
said person was he or she was being hunted by the Devil himself,  
one thinks of several possibilities.  
  
Under a Church. On some Holy Ground. Maybe even Heaven, if they  
Up There were feeling generous.  
  
Only someone incredibly bold or totally insane would hide right  
from The Devil in the darkest corners of Hell.  
  
Which is exactly what Chantinelle, Hell's most wanted (as in dead  
or alive) succubus was doing now. She and Mara stood on a small  
rock, surrounded and hidden from the outside by incredibly large  
walls of flame.  
  
"Ellie, you are insane," said Mara, shaking her head.  
  
"Nice to see you too, Mara," replied Ellie, smiling a sad little  
smile which was partially obscured by the long dark hair that  
cascaded down from her head. "Mara... I heard what you're  
planning to do..."  
  
"And it'll work," said Mara firmly.  
  
"Don't do this. It'll only bring trouble to you. HE'LL only  
bring trouble to you."  
  
Mara smirked. "No. He won't. I have an eye on him, ALL the  
time. And besides, this time it's ME pulling HIS strings."  
  
"Dammit, Mara, you don't know what he's capable of."  
  
"I know, oh I know. He bested The First of the Fallen because he  
was underestimated. He killed the King of the Vampires out of  
sheer bloody stupid luck. He got _you_ in trouble because you  
trusted him. But _I_ am not underestimating him and I'm never  
going to trust him."  
  
"Mara, walk away from this. It's not too late."  
  
"No! This is my chance. My shot to finally change things the  
way they should be! And if I don't take advantage of this,  
nobody else will! I'll even get you out of the mess he left you  
in, Ellie. You'll see."   
  
"You're not going to change your mind, are you," said Ellie.  
  
Mara shook her head. "No way."  
  
"For what it's worth... good luck, and be careful."  
  
Mara nodded, walked away, into the flames, and disappeared.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
John whistled as he put the kettle on the stove. Such a busy  
morning, already, and it was approaching suppertime. He tossed  
the newspaper under his arm onto the kitchen table, and walked  
to his refrigerator, opening it.   
  
Gah. Whatever this stuff was, it's evolved into a new lifeform.   
Toss it. Hm... ham. Cheese's a bit moldy... toss. Ah, hell,  
just plain ham sandwich for supper, then...   
  
John turned around, just as the kettle whistled. He closed the  
refrigerator behind him, carrying the ham, which he put on the  
counter, as he reached over to shut off the stove. He smiled as  
he reached for his cup, and poured hot water over the tea bag.  
  
Humming, John made himself a sandwich, tossing the meat back  
into the refrigerator. He took his tea and sandwich and sat   
down at the kitchen table. He peeked at the front page of the  
newspaper as he took a bite out of his sandwich.  
  
Hmmm. The EEC bickering over currency, threatening their   
solidarity. Yeesh. Iran and Iraq at loggerheads again. Nothing   
new there. Japan rocked by earthquakes... whatever.  
  
He reached for his tea, took out the bag, and began to take a   
sip, as he thought about the news. While Bad News was a constant  
in the world, it seemed to him that there was a bit more of it  
than usual...  
  
A hand emerged from his cup and shoved his face away. Hot tea  
spilled onto his lap.   
  
"Aw, Jaysis!!!"   
  
John jumped up and danced around a bit... "Effin' sh..."! He  
looked up and paused in mid-curse as a young girl stepped out of  
his tea. The girl was brunette, and had triangular markings on  
her face. John blinked as he noticed that the girl was carrying   
a big big... mallet?  
  
The girl crossed her arms and tapped her foot. "Do you have  
*any* idea how hard you are to find?"   
  
John blinked. "Who, me?" He tried to cool off his legs, shaking  
his trousers.   
  
She paused. "Aren't you Mr. John Constantine?"   
  
"Who the hell're you?"   
  
The girl bowed. "My name is Skuld. I'm looking for John   
Constantine."   
  
"Whatever. If yer here selling girl scouts cookies, go home,   
'cause I ain't buying."   
  
Skuld frowned. "*You're* John Constantine?" She looked him over   
as he desperately tried to shake the hot tea from his trousers.   
"I was expecting someone..." Skuld paused, searching for the  
right word.   
  
John grimaced. "Someone drier, luv? Oh, I was, about 30 seconds  
ago, but I had a short officious little sprog pop out of me tea  
'round then."  
  
Skuld frowned as she finished, "...smarter."   
  
"Look, luv, that's because I've had a bratty little nub spill tea  
on me trousers. With dry pants I tend ta make a more sterling  
impression."  
  
Skuld *hmphed* with more emphasis than the cubic capacity of her  
lungs should've allowed. "I'll have you know I'm a *goddess*,   
mister! Goddess, Second Class!" She crossed her arms and pouted at   
him.  
  
John groaned. "Bloody hell, not *another* one!"  
  
-= end Part 1 =-  
  
  
  
--  



	3. Charge of the Trenchcoat Brigade

"Just the once, though. I'm not having you turning into my   
trusty sidekick or something."   
  
"Quick, Chas- to the piss-upmobile!"  
  
-Conversation between John and Kit,  
"John Constantine: Hellblazer"  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Somewhere in the world, a man who had it coming to him finally  
got a promotion in a company he'd spent a lot of time in. He  
loved his job, was good to his co-workers, and was a generally  
nice man. Thanks to that reward, his family would make some  
vital payments and avoid eviction from their home.   
  
A reward from Heaven, some would say.   
  
The man who lost the job due to that promotion snapped, bought a  
rifle, climbed up a bell tower, and gunned down more than a dozen  
bystanders and caused several vehicles to crash.   
  
One of the vehicles was carrying a heart to the nearby hospital,  
where a girl in dire need of it was waiting. Because of the  
crash, the heart didn't get there in time.   
  
And on that day, tears fell from Heaven.   
  
It wasn't supposed to be like this.   
  
It was supposed to make things bettter.   
  
Why?   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
David Tai & Rod M.   
present...   
  
  
Dire Fates  
A John Constantine: Hellblazer  
Ah! My Goddess!   
Crossover  
  
Part 2: "Charge of the Trenchcoat Brigade"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
It was a standoff.   
  
Wisdom vs. Youth.   
  
Mortal vs. Immortal.   
  
Male vs. Female.   
  
John Constantine vs. Skuld.   
  
"Look, luv, how about you just GO away?" John said.   
  
Skuld frowned. "No. Not till I find out WHY I was sent to you."   
She stamped her foot. "And you CAN'T order me around!"   
  
John waved a hand. "Right, whatever. I told yer friends, and  
I'm telling you, I don't mess with 'em people up there." He  
flicked a hand carelessly at the sky.  
  
Now Skuld began to look agitated. "But we've been so busy  
dealing with disasters and something's wrong, but I don't know,  
and he said you're the one I should go to!"   
  
John sighed. "Kid, y'wet me trousers, and I gotta get changed.   
When I'm back, y'better be gone and outta me face. Now scram."   
  
Skuld glared, and turned away in a huff. "Fine! Why the  
Stranger wanted an idiot like you to fix up everything...!"   
  
This caused John to pause a moment.   
  
"Hey, kid, did you say the Stranger? As in the Phantom Stranger?   
Tall, dark, brooding?"   
  
In response, Skuld turned back around, hmphed, and nodded before  
turning her head away again.  
  
This, thought John, was something he really didn't need. More  
shite from the Phantom Wanker. John had never liked the pompous  
enigmatic being, thinking he was nothing but a big blowhard. But  
if the Stranger wanted something, then maybe there WAS something  
to it...   
  
No.   
  
His face hardened as he lit a cigarette. Damned if he was going  
to be jerked around.   
  
"Ah, hell, I don't care. Clear outta here, willya kid?"   
  
Skuld turned to look at him with angry eyes.   
  
John sighed. "'S nothing personal. I got better things to do  
than deal with..."   
  
Whatever else John might have said was lost, as his apartment  
shook suddenly. "Wha'the...?" He looked around as the room  
vibrated, and then suddenly grabbed Skuld and covered her as one  
or two small bits of plaster fell down.   
  
The shaking stopped. John stood up, and dusted the plaster dust  
off him. "Now what the hell was that?" He took his squashed  
cigarette out of his mouth, grimaced, and tossed it into the  
sink. "Dammit!" John said, clearly annoyed.   
  
John then whirled around and headed into the living room, where  
he turned on his television.   
  
//-unusual and unexpected tremor has just hit England, the  
epicenter located 2.5 miles to the east of England's coast.   
However, it was a mild tremor, and scientists do not expect  
any aftershocks.//  
  
"Christ onna bike... earthquake in London?"   
  
"I think... I think this is part of what's going wrong," said  
Skuld, frowning, standing next to him. "This is what the  
Stranger was talking about! Something's wrong and we're supposed  
to fix it!" Her demeanor changed suddenly, switching into  
puppy-dog-eyed-CUTE-mode, her eyes almost producing tears.   
"PLEEEEEEEEAAAAASE help, Mr. Constantine! The Phantom Stranger  
said you could!"   
  
John winced. "Aw, don't give me _that_ look, kid..."   
  
Skuld gave him more of _that_ look.   
  
John sighed, and then looked at Skuld skeptically. "Okay.   
Right. Do you have ANY idea then, at what we're to be looking  
at?"   
  
Skuld blinked, clearly confused. "You mean... you don't know?"   
  
"No, luv... do you?"   
  
"Um... no."   
  
"Well, did the bloody Phantom berk tell you where we should start  
looking?"  
  
"Um, no."   
  
"Dammit! Bollocks! Just bloody typical!" John sighed. Looked  
like today was DEFINITELY going to be one of _those_ days.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Urd fumed. This was UNBELIEVABLE! Just WHAT did Skuld think she  
was doing chasing after that magus Constantine?  
  
She spent a moment pacing around in Skuld's room after Keiichi  
left, just frustrated that her little sister would do something  
so utterly stupid.  
  
"That little idiot! When I get my hands on her..." Urd muttered  
in Norse.  
  
Before she could say another word, a ring of blue light  
surrounded her.  
  
"What the..."   
  
Then the ring transformed into a cylinder, trapping her.   
  
"HEY!"   
  
"Urd."   
  
She spun around, a snarl on her face. "What the Heck is going on  
he-... y-you!"  
  
Before her stood the Archangel Raguel, looking _very_ solemn.   
Urd had plenty of reason to worry. Raguel was not only an  
Archangel, but he was entrusted with carrying out the Vengeance of  
the Lord. He wasn't the kind that made social calls.   
  
"Goddess Second Class Urd?" asked Raguel, in a deep, almost  
condescending voice.  
  
"Y-yeah, that's me."   
  
The Archangel knelt over Skuld's computer and looked at it. "Was  
this your doing?" he asked.  
  
"I was just looking!" Urd protested.   
  
Raguel, his eyes ablaze, stared at Urd. "Goddess Second Class  
Urd, you are hereby accused of accessing the Yggdrasil System by  
forbidden means. You will come with us until further  
investigations are made."  
  
"Wait! This is a misunderstanding!"   
  
"This is for us to judge," Raguel said, in a cold unemotional  
voice.   
  
"HEY! I'm INNOCENT! It was Skuld! She's the one who did it!"   
  
"Trying to blame your younger sister? Tsk. You should be  
ashamed of yourself."   
  
"I TELL YOU, THIS IS ALL THE BRAT'S FAULT!"   
  
With a blinding flash of light, they vanished into the air.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Taking a stroll around the heavenly streets of Silver City, the  
home of all that is angelic or deified in Heaven, Peorth  
contemplated current events. Just what was it about Constantine  
that had everyone in alarm recently? Her contemplation was  
interrupted by a sudden amount of yelling going on nearby. She  
turned to see Urd being escorted sternly by the fearsome  
Archangel known as Raguel.   
  
What, she wondered, was going on?   
  
"I'm telling you, it was the BRAT!" Urd shouted.   
  
Raguel's scowl didn't change as he prodded Urd to keep moving.   
"Silence, half-breed. We know about you and Mara. The fact that  
Mara was seen conversing with John Constantine... it seems fairly  
obvious that you somehow convinced your sister to hack into  
Constantine's files, and are now planning the downfall of heaven.  
This cannot be forgiven, half-demoness."   
  
Urd screamed, "I'm NOT planning anything against heaven!  
Especially NOT with _that_ demoness! That friendship was a LONG  
time ago!"   
  
Raguel's scowl turned to a sneer as he hauled Urd away. "That is  
for the Tribunal to decide."   
  
A smile slowly formed across Peorth's face. Sooooo... that was  
what was going on with the mortal. Now what to do with him.   
Redeem him? Send him as bait to trap Mara and Urd?   
  
Peorth laughed. Oooooh, things were bound to be interesting any  
way she looked at it.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
What was he supposed to do now?   
  
John plopped down on the sofa in the living room, mulling this  
question over. The sulking Skuld nearby, waiting expectantly,  
didn't help matters. He ignored her, trying to think. If there  
wasn't anything related to Hell that could be causing this,  
then... what could it be? He pondered.   
  
The sound of sirens screaming down the streets outside caused him  
to look out the window. Ah, yes, London on fire and such after  
the 'big quake'. Pathetic. He frowned and closed the window.   
  
After a few more seconds he turned off the television. It was  
just the same old news anyway. Car crash, riot, robbery, fatal  
accident, et-cetera. Only things that ever changed was the who  
and where.   
  
He wasn't in the mood for it.  
  
There was the chance that Gout wasn't being straight with him,  
but Gout was usually good with the information.  
  
Bored with waiting, Skuld wandered over to John's den. A small  
doll's house, or something resembling one, caught her attention  
immediately. It was opened, revealing intricately made furniture  
that seemed to have originally been matchboxes.   
  
John, soon realizing that the small self-proclaimed deity was   
roaming free in his home, found her there shortly. As soon as   
he saw what she was looking at, he froze. "Oi! Careful with   
those, kid!"  
  
"Mr. Constantine, who made these?" asked Skuld, sounding...   
somewhat curious but also disappointed with what she was  
examining. "Did you?"   
  
"None of y'business, squirt."   
  
"I mean," continued Skuld, "for miniature replicas, I'd think  
something along the lines of molded or cut plastic would work  
better. Or if you want to make sure it's sturdy, metal alloys  
are good."  
  
"But the point WAS to use matchboxes!" protested John.   
  
Skuld blinked. "Oh, so you did make them?"   
  
"Never mind! Just... drop the subject. And stop messing with  
that, hm?"   
  
John walked back to the kitchen with Skuld at his heels, neither  
looking particularly happy at the moment.  
  
He sat down and sipped some tea.   
  
She sighed.   
  
"Got any ice cream?" she asked.   
  
"Hm? Wossat?"   
  
"Ice cream. Got any?"   
  
"Well... yeah... got some in the fridge, why?"   
  
Skuld's eyes went into puppy-dog-eyes mode again. "Can I have  
some? Please?"   
  
"Um. Sure, help yerself."   
  
A few seconds later, John watched in surprise as Skuld  
frantically attacked his gallon of peanut ripple fudge ice cream.   
A minute later the gallon was gone, which left Skuld in a  
somewhat content and zen-like state of mind.   
  
This also meant she was attempting to think things through.   
  
The first thought went like this:   
  
"Wow, this ice cream is good!"   
  
In reply, John merely gave a muffled 'hah'.   
  
The second thought:   
  
"I really LOVE ice cream!" Skuld exclaimed, licking her spoon.   
  
John shook his head. Kids.   
  
The third thought was a bit more relevant:   
  
"Maybe I should go back up there and ask around..." Skuld said,  
tapping her spoon on the table thoughtfully.   
  
John blinked. "Back where?"   
  
Skuld looked at John like he was a complete idiot. "Heaven, of  
course!"   
  
John blinked. Heaven... say... wasn't there someone he could  
contact? He pondered a minute.   
  
Skuld shrugged and went back to contemplating. Eeew, what a  
messy apartment. Maybe she could make a housekeeping robot...   
  
John jumped up. "Of course!"   
  
Skuld blinked as John walked over to his phone and made a call,  
mumbling into the phone quickly before hanging up.   
  
John walked over to the door, grabbing his trenchcoat on the way.   
  
"Mr. Constantine? Where are you going?" Skuld asked.   
  
He put on his trenchcoat, reaching into his pockets for his  
cigarettes. "I'm gonna see someone. Why don't you run along  
home, luv? I can take care of things... 's no place for a small  
sprog like you."  
  
Skuld blinked. "Wait, I wanna come too!"   
  
John pulled out his cigarette pack, and shook it. Empty. Damn,  
he'd have to get more. He looked at Skuld. "Nah, run along,  
play with yer dollies or something."   
  
He walked out. Skuld followed him.   
  
Outside, John stood there waiting, as Skuld pouted next to   
him, a stubborn look on her face. John was doing his best to   
ignore her, hoping she'd just GO AWAY...   
  
A cab pulled up, its driver side door opening to reveal a  
somewhat rough looking individual with a mean face and dark short  
hair. "Oi, John, let's make this quick, right? I got things to  
do today."   
  
"Yeah, yeah, don't piss in yer pants, old son."   
  
"Hey, who's the tyke?"   
  
"Hi, I'm Skuld," said the Goddess.   
  
"Oh, hello there. I'm Chas."   
  
"Left at my doorstep," sniped John. "Wouldn't worry about it if  
I were you. C'mon, c'mon, let's go."   
  
"Aw, don't you let him worry you," said Chas to Skuld. "He's a  
big softie at heart."   
  
"Shattup Chas! And get in the bloody car. Weren't you in a  
hurry?"   
  
Chas frowned. "Okay, okay, I'm coming."   
  
Skuld stamped her foot angrily and began turning red. "Hey!"   
  
John got in, and then held an hand out at Skuld's attempt to  
follow.   
  
"Ah-ah-ah. Not so fast. What did I just say?" he asked slowly.   
  
"But I wanna go with you!"   
  
"I -said- I was going alone. Look, this is for your own good."   
  
"But the Phantom Stranger said-"   
  
"No, luv." He pointed a finger and poked right between her eyes.   
"Now GO HOME!"   
  
With a faint blue aura forming around her and gritted teeth,  
Skuld watched the cab pull away from the curb. This, she felt,  
was definitely an insult. Considering the events of the last 24  
hours, she was NOT in the mood to take insults kindly.   
  
"You... you... YOU JERK! YOU BIG STUPID JERK!"   
  
"Awww, lookit the thing, she's screamin' for you. Cute little  
girl," said Chas as they drove off. "Reminds me of my own."   
  
John snorted from the back seat. "I don't think yours was as  
bratty, Chas."   
  
"Tsk, John. You shouldn't be so harsh on kids."   
  
"Shattup and drive, mate."   
  
"Grouchy today, aren't we."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Peorth descended from the heavens to Earth. She smiled a feline  
grin as she flew, dreaming of schemes half-formed and  
possibilities forming.   
  
The Phantom Stranger stood in her way.   
  
She wasn't expecting that, nearly crashing into him.   
  
"AAAGGGGH! What're you doing here?!"   
  
The mysterious stranger merely looked at Peorth. "Be careful,  
Peorth. You are not the one to solve Heaven's troubles."   
  
Peorth stared at the stranger, then smiled. "You have no secrets  
from me, Stranger. I know who and what you are. You do not  
frighten me. It's all related to John, isn't it?"   
  
The Stranger merely inclined his head, and was gone, fading out  
of sight. His last words were a whisper in the wind, and they  
struck Peorth with the impact of a sledgehammer.  
  
"Do as you will. It is not for you to thwart the will of God."   
  
Peorth stood staring for a while. Then slowly, she began to  
smile.   
  
John Constantine was becoming more and more interesting by the  
minute.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
The drive to Weeble's turned out to be more irritating than  
Skuld. Due to the minor quake, the streets were crowded with  
people overreacting, either racing to a loved one's place, buying  
emergency supplies 'just in case', or just getting the hell out  
of London.  
  
Whatever the case, it caused a soul-crushing slag of a mess on  
the road that really bugged the hell out of John.  
  
"Hey Chas? I need more silk cuts... just drop me at the corner  
store there and I'll go the rest of the way, eh?"  
  
"Sure." Chas steered the cab to the side, letting John exit.   
  
"Thanks, mate."  
  
Chas popped his head out of the cab window. "Hey, John, you  
better have me money ready for the game later today, eh?"  
  
With a smirk, John replied, "Don't count on keepin' it too long."   
  
"Yah, bugger off, you sod. Later."   
  
The cab pulled away as John headed into the store. Briskly  
walking in, he said, "Two packs silk cut, luv."   
  
The cashier, a girl he'd seen many a time (and he suspected once  
or twice she'd looked at his bum) smiled in return.  
  
"Two silk cuts then? Hold on." She reached up to a cigarette  
rack hanging above the counter and sorted through them. John,  
being the naughty boy he was, took that moment to discreetly  
admire the view. "Right then, that'll be... uh... what the..."   
  
Noting the cashier's startled look behind him, John turned his  
head. He blinked as a hand emerged from the coffee pot behind  
him, followed by black hair, exotic clothing, and a big mallet.  
  
"Mr. Constantine! Wherever you go, I'll go too!" Skuld   
exclaimed.   
  
John looked away with a groan.   
  
"Wh... what's that?" the cashier asked.   
  
"That, luv... is a bloody pain in the butt, that's what."   
  
John dropped money for his cigarettes, then grabbed Skuld and  
hustled her out of the shop.  
  
The cashier was left shaking her head. "Funny old world, ennit?"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"What the hell did you think you were doing, you little git? I  
told you to go home!" John hollered.   
  
Skuld frowned, a stubborn look that John was already coming to  
know all too well settling on her face. "I will NOT! I wanna  
know what's going on!"   
  
John grimaced. "I'll know better IF you aren't underfoot! Go  
home and let the grownups take care of this business, eh?"   
  
Skuld pouted. "But I can help! I know I can!"   
  
John groaned and started walking, lighting up a cigarette on the  
way. Skuld followed him closely, taking two hurried steps to his  
one long stride.   
  
"I don't do sidekicks, kid, so get lost already!"   
  
"NO!"   
  
"SCRAM!"   
  
"NO!"   
  
John grumbled.  
  
Somehow, in some way, he was going to make the Phantom Stranger  
pay for this. And pay dearly.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
-WHAM-WHAM-WHAM-  
  
"Weeble! Oi! Weeble! Open up, fat-arse!"   
  
Skuld looked disapprovingly at their surroundings, which was at  
the moment the fourth floor of a dimly lit and claustrophobic  
apartment complex.  
  
"Ew, what is this place?" she asked. "Why are we here?"   
  
John paused in his doorbanging. "Y'see, sprout, I got a friend  
who's a medium."  
  
Skuld blinked. "If he's medium, why are you calling him fat?"   
  
"Agh, no. A spiritual medium, y'know? Makes contact with the  
souls of the dearly departed an'all that?"  
  
"Ooh." Skuld paused. "Why?"   
  
"Believe it or not, I got a few friends in Heaven. Weeble's  
gonna be me telephone, so to speak."  
  
"Oh."   
  
"Right then. WEEBLE! I KNOW YER IN THERE! OPEN UP!"   
  
The apartment door opened to reveal a _very_ rotund man slobbily  
dressed in a stained t-shirt and pajamas. "Dammit, Constantine,  
I was in the middle of a deep'n meaningful conversation!"  
  
"Sure, Weeble, I believe ya."   
  
John walked past him casually and let himself into the slob's  
nest that was Weeble's apartment. "Oh-ho, wotcha got on the  
table here, Weeble?"  
  
Before Skuld could follow and see what John was pointing to,  
Weeble quickly stormed back into the apartment and swiped  
something off the table. Skuld only saw a flash of something  
pink.  
  
John, meanwhile, was grinning like a devil. "So, who'd they  
belong to?"  
  
"Marilyn Monroe, if you must ask."   
  
John whistled. "Weeble, Weeble, that must've cost you."   
  
Weeble grinned. "It's worth it. She's everything they say she  
was, y'know, and lots more."   
  
Skuld was being ignored. She hated being ignored. If something  
didn't change soon, she'd scream.  
  
"Really? Was she really bonkin' Jack'n Bob, then?" asked John.   
  
"Haw! She was keepin' Camelot entertained. King, Queen, AND  
court."  
  
"No way," replied John. "I didn't figure Marilyn was into that."  
  
It was then that Weeble finally noticed something amiss.  
"Hey, John, who's the kid? You doin' the Lolita thing or what?"   
  
Skuld scowled. "What's HE talking about?"   
  
John shot Weeble a mean glare. "Shut your hole, fatso. Weeble,  
Skuld. Skuld, Weeble."   
  
"This is the medium?" asked Skuld, looking at Weeble in a manner  
akin to the way she looked at bugs. "Ew."   
  
"And Weeble, if you must know, Skuld here is a spiritual entity-"   
  
"I'm a Goddess!"   
  
"-of a somewhat high level, possibly a Goddess."   
  
"DEFINITELY a Goddess," sneered Skuld.   
  
Weeble tilted his head at Skuld doubtfully. "What, a little  
thing like this? A Goddess?" He turned around to look at Skuld  
more carefully.  
  
Unfortunately, Weeble forgot to properly shove the previously  
mentioned small pink item entirely into his pocket. In fact,  
there was enough of it hanging out for Skuld to recognize what it  
was.  
  
"EEK! PERVERT!"   
  
-WHAM-  
  
As Weeble's unconscious mass slumped to the floor, something  
small and pink fell out of his pocket and dropped to the  
floor.  
  
A pair of panties.   
  
"What did you just do?!" yelled John. He seemed startled, but  
Skuld couldn't fathom why. "What the bloody hell did you just  
do?!"   
  
"I malleted him," said Skuld, wondering why John was at the  
moment kneeling at Weeble's side and checking on his head.   
  
"You bloody whalloped him in the noggin with that big bloody iron  
mallet!"  
  
Skuld shrugged. "He'll be fine in a few minutes."   
  
"After getting hit by a bloody sledgehammer like that?! Are you  
insane?!"  
  
"Stop yelling at me! I told you he'll be okay in a minute or  
two! Check yourself! He's not hurt!"   
  
"If you mallet ANYONE else while you're with me, I'll drop you.   
Got that?" To himself, he mumbled, "S'a miracle the big slob  
doesn't havva big bloody lump on his head."   
  
"Hrmph. See?" She _really_ didn't see what his problem was.   
  
"Great, now I've gotta wait till the turd wakes up." He pulled  
out a cigarette and was about to light it when he suddenly felt a  
hand holding his arm back.  
  
"You really shouldn't smoke," said Skuld solemnly. "They're bad  
for your health."  
  
"Kid, you have absolutely no idea."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
In the pub of the Lord of the Dance, Mara had returned and was in  
a celebratory mood. Marching up to the bar happily, she jumped  
onto a bar stool and spun around in it a few times.   
  
"Hehehe! Life is GOOD!"   
  
Behind the counter, the Arcadian lifted an eyebrow. "What's this  
then, Mara? Had a turn of good luck, have you?"   
  
"Oh, y'might say that. Yeees, you just might." She grinned like  
the demon she was and leaned merrily forward on the bar, resting  
her chin in her hands. Her informants had told her Urd was  
currently tied up with the angels. An unexpected twist, but it  
left her to work on her plans in peace. She laughed at the irony  
of it.   
  
Oh yes, plenty of irony here. The Archangels removed one of the  
obstacles in her path, and the one whom she hated was slowly but  
surely headed in the direction she wanted him to go.   
  
Constantine.   
  
For once, HE was the one being used instead of the one using.   
For all of his obnoxious ways, for all the times he's caused  
chaos in hell, and ESPECIALLY for Ellie...   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Hell, for Demons and Demonesses and the like, was very similar to  
a corporation in Los Angeles. That is, the people below you were  
looking to take your place, and the people above you were always  
keeping a wary eye downward because they thought you were out to  
get them.   
  
Friendships in Hell amongst its denizens was incredibly rare.   
  
Mara never did like that side of Hell, the infernal rat race. It  
distracted her, and everyone, she thought, from the big picture.   
They were there to test and tempt humanity, to drag them down to  
Hell, and to one day storm the gates of Heaven.   
  
Was it too much to ask, she wondered, to have a somewhat normal  
life? She had that once, or something close to it, when she  
was young. It was her and Urd, such a very good friendship.   
  
But time changed everything. Urd had her duty as a Goddess, and  
Mara had hers as a Demoness. Such was life.   
  
And once more, she was alone. Oh, there were plenty of Demons  
and Demonesses to pal around with, but she dared not trust them.   
  
Then she met Ellie.   
  
Ellie, like Mara, didn't care for the inter-office politics of  
Hell. She was content with her place in the ranks and didn't ask  
for much else. It wasn't that she didn't have ambition. She  
looked for ways to climb up the ladder. Unlike most others in  
hell, however, Ellie didn't actively look for ways to stab her  
co-workers in the back.  
  
With Ellie, she didn't have to worry about what she said, or fear  
that she'd be betrayed. She had a friend in Hell, which was a  
rare, thing, and she valued that.   
  
Then Ellie, the stupid little succubus, got ambitious, and that  
got herself in trouble. And of ALL the people in the world, WHO  
did she run to for help?   
  
John Constantine.   
  
Mara told her that the name Constantine was one of infamy, that  
he would bring her nothing but trouble, but did Ellie listen?   
  
Hell, no.   
  
And of course, the day came when John went too far and made HIM  
mad, the First of the Fallen, the original Devil, he who was in  
Hell before Lucifer Morningstar ever fell.   
  
Any demon who was known to be an ally or enemy of Constantine was  
sought out by the Devil, which put them in one of three categories.  
They were either direct puppets of the First, dead, or _real_ good  
in hiding their connection to the man.  
  
Ellie, on the other hand... when The First came to her, the girl  
panicked. She fled Hell in a mad dash and never looked back.   
Ever since then, she was hunted.   
  
Oh, there was a moment when Ellie could have resurfaced, never  
again to fear the Devil's wrath, but John blew it.   
  
And Mara, who was helpless as these events unfolded, cursed John  
every step of the way.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
She smiled and laughed bitterly.   
  
Fools. All of them. The devils below and the angels above.   
  
She felt rather foolish about it herself for not seeing it  
sooner. It was, when she took the time to calmly mull the entire  
situation over, entirely too simple. Urd, Belldandy, Skuld,  
everything, it all added up.   
  
Hell, Heaven, the entire WORLD was hers for the taking, and it  
would be John that would take the fall. All she needed for John  
to do was to-  
  
"Demoness Mara?"   
  
She blinked. Her senses screamed at her: there was a Goddess in  
the room!   
  
"Who the Hell are you?" she snarled, swiveling around in her  
seat. What greeted her vision was someone that had an... uncanny  
resemblance to Skuld (if Skuld was an adult, that is).   
  
"I am Goddess First Class, Second Category, _Unlimited_, Peorth,"   
said the woman, sauntering up to the bar cattily. "And you have  
been quite a naughty demon."  
  
"Well, it's my job, isn't it?" replied Mara.   
  
"I'm just here to let you know... I'm on to you. Whatever you're  
up to, whatever you're planning with my Johnny, I'm on to you."   
  
And, with a light draft of wind and a dramatic flash of light,  
Peorth was gone.   
  
"Damn." Mara spun around in her seat. "Damn damn damn. Just  
like a Goddess to ruin my mood."   
  
The Lord of the Dance said nothing, merely shaking his head.   
Politics, he really hated it.   
  
"And where the hell does she get off saying 'My Johnny'?!"   
snarled Mara. Thoughts swirled in her mind, plans and  
contingencies. How much did Peorth know? Not as much as she  
hinted at, surely, else she'd have put a stop to it by now.   
  
Peorth knew John was involved.   
  
And...   
  
No. That had to be all. She still wouldn't realize what the  
real prize was until it was too late.   
  
"Drink?" asked the Arcadian.   
  
"Ah, hell with it. Just gimmie an ale, dearie."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
When Weeble was finally up and about, he and John took a seat at   
the table in the living room, while Skuld pouted in the corner.   
  
John gave Weeble a small black and white photo. "The fella's  
name is Brendan Finn."   
  
"Brendan Finn. Right. Hold on." As Weeble closed his hand  
around the photograph, ethereal white smoke seemed to steam from  
his eyes and mouth and his posture became rigid. A few seconds  
later, Weeble suddenly relaxed in his stance, leaning forward on  
one elbow. In a thick Irish accent he spoke.   
  
"Johnny! Haha! I din't expect ye to be payin' me a call!"   
  
John smiled. "So how's Heaven treatin' ya, Brendan?"   
  
"Oh, good as ever, I suppose. Now now, who's the wee lass  
sulking in the corner? Don't tell me she's one'a yer  
illegitimates! HAHAHA!"   
  
Skuld looked at John with an annoyed expression. "What's he  
talking about? And who is he?"   
  
"Ah, lemme make proper introductions then," said John. "Brendan,  
this cute little nuisance is Skuld. Skuld, this is Brendan Finn,  
an old mate of mine."   
  
"A pleasure t'meet ye, lass," said Weeble/Brendan with a smile.   
  
Skuld blinked, feeling awkward at the situation. She'd HEARD of  
this sort of thing happening but never really actually SEEN it.   
It seemed, to her, really weird.   
  
"Um, hi," she said.   
  
"A shy lass, isn't she?" asked Weeble/Brendan. "She looks t'me  
like a rather powerful entity."   
  
"I'm a Goddess," said Skuld proudly.   
  
Weeble/Brendan gave Skuld a sideward glance, then looked at John.   
"Interesting company ye be keepin' these days, son."   
  
In response, John shrugged. "The Phantom Stranger told'er to  
stick by me. Bugger if I know why. Might still be mad about the  
time I pissed on his shoes."   
  
"Heh. Hey, I know this ain't likely t'be a social call, Johnny.   
What's on yer mind?"   
  
"Heard anything about what's going on up there? Any major  
deities doin' anything shifty?"   
  
"Nae, I canna say I heard anythin that'd be of use t'ye.   
Something amiss in Paradise, John?"   
  
"You might say that, Brendan. London just got its first  
earthquake."   
  
"Aye, I heard'o that. Seems to have the Powers That Be a bit  
puzzled, that one does. P'raps a scheme in Hell?"   
  
"Well, there SEEMS t'be nothing brewing in Hell," said John. "I  
was just checking all possibilities. You sure there's nothing  
odd going on?"  
  
"Well... them Archangels, they've been a bit dodgy as of late,  
they have. Turned themselves inta regular bloody stormtroopers,  
they have, goin'aboot an' interrogating people."  
  
"The Archangels, y'say?" asked John. He frowned. That bunch  
could be trouble. "You watch your step then, Brendan. That  
bunch is nothing to mess about with. Best we end this  
conversation now, I think."  
  
"What, already?"  
  
"Yeah. Sorry mate, but if word got about you was talking to me,  
you'd be deep in Archangels. And believe me, they're total  
bastards."  
  
"Ah, right then. Take care, John."  
  
"You too, Brendan."   
  
"And stop pissin' aboot with the Devil, crazy sod. Yer lucky to  
still alive," said Weeble/Brendan with a grin.   
  
"Heheh. Only if he won't piss with me."   
  
Weeble/Brendan slumped back in his chair for a moment, blinked,  
then ceased emitting ghostly strands of smoke.   
  
"Bugger, that was a neat experience," said Weeble. "I kept on  
hearin' harps in the background."   
  
John smirked. "Angelic choirs or such, hm?"   
  
"Nah, sounded more like bloody elevator music if ya asked me."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
As John walked away from Weeble's apartment building, puffing  
away discontently on his cigarette, a little Goddess followed on  
his heels looking every bit as agitated.  
  
This, thought John, was getting ridiculous. Skuld was dogging  
his heels almost every step of the way.  
  
As if he NEEDED a damned little git...   
  
Wait.   
  
The ice cream shoppe.   
  
Perfect.   
  
He turned into the ice cream shoppe. Skuld brightened and  
followed him immediately. John dug into his pockets and pulled  
out some change. "Hey, luv, whaddya want?"   
  
Skuld's eyes shined as she started pointing to this, then that,  
then almost everything on the list. "That... no, wait. That...   
Oh! I can't decide! I want everything!"   
  
John grimaced. "One strawberry ice cream."   
  
He handed the cone to Skuld, then headed to the bathroom. Skuld  
followed, licking her ice cream cone.   
  
"Luv, don't follow me. This's the MEN'S bathroom, see?"   
  
Skuld nodded, happily eating her cone.   
  
John went into the bathroom, opened a window, and climbed out,  
barely squeezing through the still.   
  
He hesitated, just a moment, feeling a little guilty about  
abandoning a little girl like this.  
  
Then again, he didn't feel comfortable about kids at all. And  
his track record with 'sidekicks' was not only bad, it was  
absolutely deadly. The last thing he needed in his great list of  
accomplishments was the death of a young Goddess left in his  
charge.   
  
He also remembered what she did to Weeble.  
  
"Eh, kid can take care of herself."   
  
And off he went.   
  
For the best, really, he told himself. The sidekick idea was just  
wrong, she was tough enough to be unwatched for a while, and if  
he was going to make any progress at all, she'd have to be out of  
the way.  
  
Some time later, Skuld realized that John had ditched her. She   
stamped her feet angrily, and stormed into the ladies' restroom.  
  
After all the trouble she had finding him, she swore, he wasn't   
going to escape HER.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"Stupid bloody friggin' Phantom Pisser. He'll pay for this."   
  
There was some mean vibrations coming from the infamous John  
Constantine as he stomped his way up the street and into his  
apartment.   
  
Just in front of his door, two roguish fellows stood waiting.   
One looked generally grouchy while the other one was clearly a  
punk, with an orange mohawk-esque hairdo.   
  
The punkish one rushed up and yelled wildly in John's face, "OI,  
CONJOB!"  
  
The other one just winced at the loud volume.   
  
"Oh, Chas, Rich. What brings you two here?" John unlocked his  
door and headed in, quickly followed by the two.   
  
"Stupid git," grumbled Chas. "You forgot about the game already?"   
  
"Chelsea versus AAAAAAAAAArsenal, Conjob! Hahaw!"   
  
John winced. "Oh shite, the game! No, not today! Not today!"   
  
Rich, the middle-age punker, walked in with a bit too much spring  
in his step, while Chas, who was in comparason rather subdued,  
followed after.   
  
Rich and Chas represented two extremes of John's youth. Chas was  
the kid that always was a 'stick in the mud', the one with the  
overbearing parents and whining girlfriend that would soon become  
an overbearing wife. The stresses of living a mundane life made  
Chas quite the brawler, with a hair-trigger temper and muscle to  
back it up.   
  
Rich, however, was the opposite of Chas. Rich was a member of a  
small punk band that never got anywhere, much like John's own  
'Mucus Membrane'. Rich, however, never grew out of the punker  
stage and remained one to this day. He also seemed to be  
eternally stoned out of his gourd.   
  
A further emphasis on the difference between these two: Rich  
and John were punk band leaders. Chas... he was the roadie.   
  
"Wotcher mean 'not today', Conjob?!" said Rich.   
  
"I mean I got crap of the supernatural kind dogging my arse  
today, lads. And if things keep on going as they usually do,  
mates, I'll be fucked up for the rest of the day."   
  
"What, so you're missing out on the game?" asked Chas, clearly  
annoyed.   
  
With scowl set in place, John marched towards the bathroom. "Be  
damned if I won't go. But mind you, shit's just happening today.   
Consider yerselves warned, eh?"   
  
He unceremoniously slammed the door shut. Soon after, the sound  
of running water could be heard.   
  
"Wonder what it is this time," grumbled Chas. He'd been on only  
a handful of adventures with John. He'd only caught small  
glimpses of the supernatural, and that was enough for him. On  
the other hand, despite seeing those things, he usually believed  
most of John's tales were utter bullshit.   
  
"Cor, Conjob's restocked the beer-shack!" cheered Rich, rummaging  
through John's refrigerator. "Want one, man?"   
  
"Yeah, why not? Thanks."   
  
And so the pair sat there, Chas channelsurfing, while Rich  
warbled wretchedly to a classic punk tune that was playing only  
in his head.   
  
Suddenly, there was a great shout and a feminine scream. Chas  
and Rich looked at each other.   
  
"What the bleedin' hell was that?" Chas said.   
  
Rich had a wicked grin on his face. "Oooh, Conjob's got a gel  
inna shower, ey?"   
  
The question was answered a moment later, as a very wet John  
Constantine, wearing nothing but a towel around his middle,  
dragged a beet red Skuld out by the collar into the living room  
and hustled her in front of Chas.  
  
"Now YOU... _STAY_ there, and don't MOVE till I'm done with me  
shower. Chas, keep an eye on the little git, eh?" With that,  
John stormed back into the bathroom, leaving Rich and Chas  
blinking and very confused.   
  
"Bloody 'ell. E's got toddlers in the loo," said Rich.   
  
"Um... hallo," said Chas awkwardly. "You're.... Skuld, yeah?"   
  
Skuld, far too angry for pleasantries, didn't notice Chas and  
just stomped to the sofa, jumping in, and sulked.   
  
She emphasised the sulk with an angry swinging of legs.   
  
*THUMP THUMP THUMP* her feet went.   
  
Rich looked at Chas, who shrugged, and walked over to sit next to  
her.   
  
"Whassamatter, kid?"   
  
Skuld hmphed and only sulked some more.   
  
Chas sighed. "Don't worry about it, girl. He's not gonna stay  
mad at a little kid like you forever."  
  
"He promised to help me!" she whined. "Instead he's always  
leaving me behind!"   
  
"Help you? With what?" asked Chas.   
  
"He was supposed to help me find out what's causing everything!   
The earthquakes, the fights, the chaos, everything!"   
  
Chas blinked, slowly, then nodded his head. "Uh-huh," he said,  
trying to hide the skeptical sound in his voice.  
  
"Really? At'sounds cool!" spazzed Rich. Chas glared at Rich.  
Skuld was too morose to notice.  
  
"I wish I knew why he keeps on leaving me behind," said Skuld  
moodily.   
  
Now this was safer territory for Chas.  
  
"Well," said Chas, putting a hand on his chin, "he never was  
comfortable 'round kids. Even mine. He walked 'round her as if  
she was made of glass or something. Mainly 'cause of a big mess  
he made a few years back."   
  
Rich, who was making a somewhat modest effort to key into the  
conversation, nodded sagely. On him, however, a sagely nod  
looked more like a stoned-out wobble.   
  
"Oh? What happened?" asked Skuld.   
  
Rich scrached his mohawk. "Say, issis the bit about Newcastle  
that Conjob tol'me about?"   
  
Chas nodded.   
  
"What happened at Newcastle?" asked Skuld.   
  
He sent a little girl to hell is what he told me, Chas was about  
to say. After a moment of pause and a realization that telling a  
little girl this wouldn't be of any help, he decided to do some  
judicious editing.   
  
"Well... he was trying a bit of magic once... and a little girl  
got hurt rather badly."   
  
"Oh. I see." Skuld mulled this point over. "So you think he's  
just being overprotective?"   
  
Chas thought about it. It sounded a lot better than saying 'No,  
John can just be one utter shithead sometimes and this might be  
one of them.'   
  
"Um... yeah, that's right," said Chas. "Innit right, Rich?" He  
gave the Punk a quick glare.   
  
"Um... YEAH, roight. Over-bloody-pro-tec-i-tayve."   
  
"I wish there was a way I could get him to stop worrying," said  
Skuld.   
  
"Ey, why don'cha come out to the game wif'us?" asked Rich. "It'll  
be a blast!"   
  
"Hold on, Rich! We got enough tickets?" asked Chas.   
  
"Got one for my old lady, but she din't feel up to it today."   
  
This had Skuld's interest. Watching a game couldn't be a bad  
thing, right? "Game? what game?"   
  
"FOOOOOOOTBAAAALL!" yelled Rich happily.   
  
"Don't mind him," said Chas casually. "He's stoned."   
  
Rich, still in a fairly good mood, said in a mock-angry tone, saluted  
Chas with middle finger extended and said, "up yers, Chassie."  
  
"Oi, not in front of the kid," hissed Chas.  
  
Skuld blinked. She thought about asking what they meant by that,  
then decided it was probably an insult and that she wouldn't be   
told much more.  
  
Instead, Skuld turned her attention to a more useful question.  
  
"So John likes football a lot?" she wondered.   
  
"Dunno, e'seems ruther subdued when we go," said Rich.   
  
"That's just the way he is... well, now anyway," explained Chas.   
  
"What DOES John like?" asked Skuld. "What is he like?"   
  
"Conjob? E's a roight bastard, s'wot," said Rich with a grin.   
  
Chas hmmed. "He's a slick bastard, John is. Y'see, when things  
aren't going the way he wants it, he can be one total bastard.   
When he's not a bastard, though, he's one good mate. As for what  
he likes... um, he chases magic around, or so he says, in that  
ratty old trenchcoat of his. Probably got cards up his sleeves,  
that one."  
  
"Trenchcoat?"   
  
"Ayup, luv... seems like he's always wearing that bloody  
trenchcoat."  
  
"Y'fink tha man was born wif it on or summink," said Rich.   
  
Skuld hmmmed.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
John growled as he grabbed his towel and dried himself off. It  
was getting so a fellow couldn't even have privacy in his own  
bleedin' bathroom, for chrissakes!   
  
He got dressed, and then headed back into the living room.   
  
"Chas? Rich? Where'd everybody go?"   
  
Silence greeted him.   
  
"Oi! Guys! Where'd y'go?" He nearly stumbled over an empty  
beer bottle, which set off a small round of curses. "Shite,  
Rich! You slob! Don't be leaving bloody empties on the damn  
floor!"  
  
As he made his way from kitchen to living room, something small  
and pink popped up in front of him. It was Skuld.   
  
"Hihi, Mr. Constantine!"   
  
John stared. "Wha... wha?"   
  
Skuld twirled in front of him, beaming. "What do you think?   
Chas told me about these neat trenchcoats you're always wearing,  
so I thought I'd get one!"   
  
She was wearing a trenchcoat, all right. It looked a lot like his,  
only...  
  
John frowned. "It's... er... pink."   
  
Skuld smiled. "I know. Isn't it CUUUUTE?" She stuck her hands in  
the trenchcoat pockets and beamed.  
  
"Er... ah..."  
  
He tried not to.  
  
"Aheh..."  
  
Really he did.   
  
"HAHAHAHAHAA!"   
  
"STOP LAUGHING!"   
  
"Aheh... heh... sorry, luv, but... HAHAHAA!"   
  
She was getting mocked. Again. Skuld's anger was bubbling up to  
record levels once again, and she felt bitter tears reach her  
eyes.   
  
"Aw, hold on," said John, calming down from his laughter. "I  
didn't mean t'make you cry, now."   
  
"I'm NOT crying!" she said, emphasizing it with a 'hmph', and  
spun on her heel away from him. "And Chas and Rich SAID it  
looked good on me!"   
  
John smirked. "Oh, did they now?"   
  
Skuld continued to ignore him.   
  
"Aw, c'mon, luv. Don't stay mad. Tell ya what, we'll go out for  
ice cream."   
  
This only made Skuld even more irritated. "You'll just try to  
leave me behind again!"   
  
John sighed. "THIS time, I won't do that. Really."   
  
Skuld looked at him doubtfully. "Promise?"   
  
"Yeah, I promise. Maybe we can talk things over and figure out  
what to do next, hm?"   
  
Skuld reluctantly nodded.   
  
It was at this point that John remembered something was missing.   
"Say, where's Rich and Chas?"   
  
Skuld smiled. "Oh, they said they'd be at the soccer game, and  
they said I should come along too! They were going to ask  
someone else, but Chas said I could have the ticket!"   
  
"Nope, sorry luv, but we don't have time to watch the game."   
  
"Aw!" Rich seemed so enthusiastic about it. She was really  
curious to find out what went on in those games.   
  
"Saving the world, remember?"   
  
"Oh! Yeah, aheheheh."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Urd sighed. This was turning out to be a very tedious Tribunal.   
She'd been answering so many questions, over and over again, and  
she was really bored, exasperated, and antsy. She looked around.   
  
The Archangels were seated at a U-shaped table. They were  
muttering among themselves, although Raphael looked at her  
nervously once or twice. Only one was not muttering. Raguel,  
sitting at the head of the table, was giving Urd a very cold  
glare. To counter, she looked away, noting the two empty chairs.   
  
One gave off an aura of importance, of significance, of an   
Archangel supremely aware of his duties. It looked warm and  
wise, yet distant and haughty.  
  
Gabriel's.   
  
The other was cold, distant, yet beautiful and lovely to behold.  
It held promises of the beauty of the dawn and of shining light  
yet to come, but was shaded by arrogance and pride.  
  
Lucifer's.   
  
Urd shuddered and looked at Raguel again.   
  
Raguel didn't look anywhere near happy, or even neutral, as he  
looked down at the computer terminal in front of him. "You say  
that you were investigating the Demoness Mara?"   
  
"I already told you that! How many times do I have to go over  
this?"   
  
Michael frowned. "As many times as we want you to."   
  
"Why, you...!"   
  
Raphael tried to smile, a conciliatory smile. "Please, Urd."   
  
Urd sighed. "All right... See, Mara disappeared from Japan all  
of a sudden. Usually, she's around bugging Belldandy, me, or  
Skuld. Knowing Mara, she's got bigger fishes to fry if she's  
stopped bugging us."  
  
Raguel frowned. "What would those bigger fishes be?"   
  
Urd grimaced. "How should I know? She just disappeared,  
isn't that enough?"   
  
Raguel shook his head. "No. Have you got any information?"   
  
Urd grimaced. "Not much. I did pick up a tidbit."   
  
Raguel nodded. "Share it with us. Please."   
  
Urd's eyes widened. "Did you just say PLEASE? Goodness, I may  
faint!"   
  
Raguel merely stared at Urd.   
  
Urd sighed. "All I know is that John Constantine is related to  
it."   
  
Saraquael's frown deepened. "Of course. You and Mara were  
working together. Using your sister Skuld, who was undoubtably  
manipulated into it, you dug up information on John Constantine.  
And all this troubles on the mortal realm is related to you."  
  
Urd shouted, "I DID NOTHING!"   
  
Michael raised an eyebrow. "Like the time you manipulated the  
System into letting you down on Earth, resulting in total chaos  
of the mainframe for a time?"   
  
Urd giggled nervously. "But I didn't do anything this time!"   
  
Uriel stared at Urd. "What about the time you took off after  
that cherry blossom spirit of yours, arranging the System's  
priority tasks in the process, to allow you to see him?"   
  
Urd started. "How did you know... er... heheheh..."   
  
Michael tsked. "Really, Urd. Your inclinations towards trouble  
are well known. You've caused more trouble in Heaven than most  
demons of Hell put together."  
  
Urd frowned. "Well... maybe, but..." She took a deep breath.   
"I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS!"   
  
Raguel took in a long, deep breath. "Let's go over this again."   
  
"OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"Right then, let's start this from the beginning, shall we?"   
  
Skuld nodded from behind a mountain of 41 flavors of ice cream.   
This, John thought to himself, was going a little rougher on the  
wallet than he thought.   
  
"Okay. Now. When did all the trouble begin?" He waited  
patiently as Skuld gulped down a scoop of double-fudge-mint.   
  
"Well, it-"   
  
"Y'got a bit of a smudge on yer lip, luv."   
  
Looking embarassed, Skuld quickly covered her mouth with a paper  
napkin. "Oh? Where?"   
  
"Right there, to the left."   
  
"Did I get it, Mr. Constantine?"   
  
"A bit more. There. Better." Normally, John would care less if  
a child in his company was a total slob, but for some odd reason  
it just bothered him to see Skuld messy. "Now, you were saying?"   
  
"Oh, um... well, there were these odd disasters that were  
happening. They weren't _right_."   
  
"There's a right sort of disaster?" asked John skeptically.   
  
Skuld nodded. "Sometimes, an earthquake, or hurricane, or some  
other disaster is due just because nature can't hold back any  
more. That's normal. But sometimes there's disasters happening  
when they shouldn't."   
  
The sarcastic side of John was going to comment on how there  
_shouldn't_ be any kind of disasters if Heaven was running things  
properly, but somehow, for some reason, he held back just this  
once.   
  
"So then, recent events have been unusual, have they?"   
  
"Mm-hm. The earthquake that hit Tokyo recently wasn't right. We  
could feel it. So was the hurricane and tsunami that hit  
afterward."   
  
John hmmed. "Yeah, it did seem a bit much, all that mess hitting  
Japan."   
  
Earthquakes. Something was causing earthquakes. Something  
supernatural. But what? He planned on thumbing through the  
books for supernatural entities linked to quakes a little later,  
definitely.   
  
"Y'know," said John, giving Skuld a quick appraising glance, "you  
don't look very Japanese. Wotcha doing in Japan?"   
  
"I'm staying with my sister Belldandy," said Skuld. Her face  
soured quite a bit. "She's staying with... a boy."   
  
"Ooooh, she's in love, is she?" asked John. He couldn't help but  
grin. Skuld's envy was... just so amusing to him. A part of his  
mind took note of the name 'Belldandy' and tried to think of any  
deities he might've heard of by that name. Nothing came to mind.   
  
"Hrm! I don't see what she sees in him. Not at all."   
  
"Ah, you'll understand later in life, luv."   
  
Skuld cast him a very skeptical look, then resumed her leisurely  
destruction of her ice cream tower.   
  
"So you've got just the one sister, hm?" asked John.   
  
"Nope! I've got two. Belldandy is really neat! You should meet  
her some time. She's the best... even if she is stuck with that  
stupid boy."   
  
"Okay. And your other sister?"   
  
"Oh, that's Urd. She's the oldest."   
  
This little revelation caused John to raise an eyebrow. "Wait...   
did you say Urd?"   
  
Skuld nodded.   
  
"Tall, tanned, got platinum blond hair?"   
  
Skuld looked a little surprised. "You met her?"   
  
"Yeah, just recently."   
  
Skuld frowned. "She's always mean to me."   
  
During a moment of silence accompanied by the sound of Skuld  
eliminating seven flavors, John pondered over things.   
  
"Say, luv, I've always wanted to know... what's it like up  
there?"  
  
"Oh, it's nice! There's deities and angels and everything's so  
pretty! You'd like it there."   
  
"How about God?"   
  
Skuld paused. "Hm? What about Him?"   
  
"I mean... what's the fellow like? Pleasant? Kind? Fire'n  
brimstone type? What?"   
  
"Well... he really doesn't get involved much."   
  
John frowned. "Excuse me? What?"   
  
"God doesn't like to interfere too much with things. Every now  
and then he steps in when there are BIG problems, but usually he  
just watches."   
  
"That would explain why the world's gone to crap," grumbled John.   
A voyeuristic God... that seemed somewhat perverse.   
  
"What?"   
  
"You mean to tell me God leaves the world to chaos?"   
  
"Oh no, absolutely not." Skuld halted a moment to down another  
spoonful of ice cream, then continued. "You see, the universe  
is like this big clockwork machine, with all the parts spinning  
around moving other parts kind of like a clock with lots and lots  
of gears."   
  
This, in John's opinion was not an improvement.   
  
"So, wait... if the big man upstairs is hands off, what are the  
rest of you deities doing?"   
  
"Well, we do the maintenance and stuff. The Gods, Goddesses,  
Archangels, angels. We're the balancing force against the  
guys in Hell and keep everything running."  
  
"Uh huh. And there's Demons and Hell because...?"   
  
"Bad people should be punished."   
  
"Ah. Of course. So.... what you're saying then, is that even  
though sometimes bad things happen to good people, on the whole  
it's part of the big plan."   
  
With some uncertainty, Skuld nodded.   
  
"Sounds lousy to me."   
  
"That's not fair! We're trying our best!"   
  
"I'm not criticizing you, luv. Just God."   
  
"Oh... well... you shouldn't do that."   
  
"Heh, don't worry, darling. He's used to it by now."   
  
John mulled it over. The image of God sitting idly by while  
good people rotted and bastards took the Parliament really ticked  
him off.   
  
A jet rumbled far overhead.  
  
Sirens continued to wail in the distance.  
  
A shadow fell across the table.  
  
John and Skuld looked up.   
  
"Mara!"   
  
Mara smiled seductively at John. "My, my, John... slumming among  
the lower classes of Heaven, are we?"   
  
Skuld growled.   
  
Mara gave Skuld a languorous look. "Nice look, kid. Out to join  
the Trenchcoat Brigade?"   
  
Skuld turned red and was about to reach back for her mallet when  
John intervened. "What do you want, Mara?"   
  
"Oh, just wondering what you're up to, Johnny boy." She pulled  
up a chair and joined them at the table, next to John.   
  
"Oi, nobody invited you to the table," grumbled John.   
  
"I'm a Demoness and this is a table in an ice cream shop. If I  
was a vampire and this was a house, you might have a point." She  
leaned over. "Besides, if I were a vampire, I wouldn't be doing  
this now, would I?" And she grabbed him by his trenchcoat and  
gave him a kiss on the lips.   
  
John froze. Skuld turned red in anger, and began digging around  
in her backpack, irritated. "Where'd I put it?!"   
  
"I'm surprised you're bringing the kid along for the ride," said  
Mara, leaning back leisurely. "I mean, you don't exactly have a  
spotless record with children." She turned to Skuld with a sly  
grin. "Say, kiddo, he ever tell you about what happened in  
Newcastle?"   
  
The expression on John's face went from mildly annoyed to  
absolute rage. "Don't you bring that up. Don't you DARE bring  
that up!"   
  
"So he hurt a girl doing some magic!" yelled Skuld defiantly.   
"Accidents happen!"   
  
Mara's grin grew even more. "Oh, little Goddess, you really  
don't know, do you?"   
  
"Shut the FUCK up, Mara," growled John.   
  
"Know what?" asked Skuld, annoyed.   
  
Mara stood up from her seat and circled around the table, pacing  
slowly. "I wonder if Skuld will turn out like your other  
friends, John. Y'know, like Zatara, Nigel, Header, Rick,  
Ritchie, Emma, Sister Anne-Marie, Frank, Benjamin, Dez... so  
many names... it's hard to keep track of."  
  
"You're really pissing me off, Mara," growled John.   
  
"Or maybe she'll end up like Gaz!" said Mara merrily. "You  
remember Gaz, don't you? He was your childhood buddy!"   
  
"Old news," he said, face set rigidly.   
  
"Go away!" shouted Skuld defiantly.   
  
Mara was thoroughly pleased, having the infamous John Constantine  
squirming from her words. Enough was enough, though, so she  
decided to needle Skuld a bit. After all, fair was fair...   
  
"So, Skul... uh-oh."   
  
-WHAP-  
  
John looked somewhat surprised as Mara vanished with a violent  
explosion and a scream as Skuld whapped her on the face with  
something heavy and metal.   
  
"What was that?" he asked.   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"What'd you hit her with? Holy sigil or something?"   
  
"Oh. No, just this. She's vulnerable to good luck charms."   
  
John looked. He blinked. Then he started laughing. "A bloody  
horseshoe? That's it? Haw! What a wimpy demonesss!"   
  
Seeing John finally smile around her, Skuld couldn't help but  
laugh with him.   
  
"Y'not so bad, kid," said John casually.   
  
She beamed at the compliment. "Thank you! Um... by the way...   
Mr. Constantine, can I ask you something?"   
  
"Call me John, eh, luv?"   
  
"Okay, um... John... is my English all right?"   
  
"Eh? Yeah, why's that, luv?"   
  
"Because you're talking funny."   
  
"Eh, luv, you're the one with the accent."   
  
Skuld blinked, clearly confused. "I have an accent?"   
  
John nodded solemnly. "Mm-hm. Think about it now, what's the  
language called?"   
  
"Um... English."   
  
"And what am I?" he said slowly.   
  
"British?"   
  
"The other term is 'English', luv. I'm an Englishman. I speak  
English. Therefore, s'you that's got the accent, see?"   
Satisfied with his explanation, John leaned back and put his  
hands behind his back.  
  
"Ooooh, I see." Skuld nodded her head and beamed.   
  
John smiled. The kid was learning.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Tumbling, falling, streaking across the planes of reality like a  
shooting star, Mara fell, an imprint of a horseshoe on her face.   
After what seemed to be an eternity, she landed unceremoniously  
on her rear in a generally vague part of Hell.   
  
"Great. Humiliated by the small one." She sighed, dusted  
herself off, stood up, then froze in her tracks.   
  
Clad in nothing but a loincloth and ragged cape, was a man, with  
muscles on him like the gods of Olympus and an aura of sheer  
evil. He seemed to be calm.   
  
Even a little pleasant.   
  
Mara thought it was sarcasm.   
  
"Hello, Mara," he said calmly.   
  
Now she was sure of it. Because she knew who this man was.   
  
"M-my Lord and Master! Um... how are you this day?"   
  
"I wanted to... talk."   
  
Mara gulped. When HE wanted to talk, it usually wasn't good  
news.   
  
Because this was the First of the Fallen.   
  
The First of the Fallen was someone to be taken _very_ seriously.   
What he was wasn't quite clear. It was said that when Lucifer  
Morningstar fell from the Heavens, he was there to greet him. He  
was the most ancient of Evil, and now that Lucifer had decided to  
take a long vacation from running Hell, The First was back in   
charge.  
  
She had better obey if she wanted to avoid the most exquisite  
agony that the First could devise, Mara thought as she held her  
cheek, where the horseshoe had struck her. Because HE was very,  
very good at it.   
  
"A-anything you wish, my lord."   
  
"I understand you have this... little scheme of sorts." He paced  
around her casually, while she was too frightened to move an  
inch.   
  
"Ah... plan?" she stuttered nervously.   
  
He cast off his polite demeanor and stood before her, his face  
inches away. "Don't play dumb with me, demoness. This is Hell,  
this is MY Hell, and the walls literally have ears."   
  
"I'm sorry, my lord! I... I do have this plan."   
  
"Good. Tell me."   
  
She began to talk.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
John shook his head in amazement. Skuld was just finishing the  
last of her ice cream. He handed her a napkin, motioning for her  
to wipe her face.   
  
"Kid, too much ice cream's not good for ya, y'know?"   
  
Skuld beamed. "Well, it's how I recover energy!" She leaned on  
the table. "Just like Urd recovers energy when she drinks, but  
she gets weird when she drinks, you know?"   
  
John smiled. "So you goddesses recover energy from different  
things?"   
  
Skuld nodded. "Yeah." Suddenly, she frowned, and looked down.   
  
"Eh, luv? Whassamatter?"   
  
"It... it's just that my sister, Belldandy, is still sleeping.   
It's how she recovers energy."   
  
"Oh?"   
  
"Yes. She used up her energy in Japan. So now she's sleeping at  
the temple, and Keiichi is watching over her!" Skuld frowned.   
  
"Belldandy... this is the one staying in Japan, yeah?"   
  
Skuld nodded.   
  
Something in the back of John's mind went -click-.   
  
"Staying in Japan, you say," he said.   
  
"And you too?"   
  
Skuld nodded again.   
  
"And your sister, Urd... she's staying there too, is she?"   
  
"Mm-hm."   
  
-click-click-click-  
  
Mara's words back at London Bridge echoed in his mind.   
  
There's Heavenly Deities on Earth.   
  
They're STAYING on earth, as in permanent residence.   
  
The pieces of the puzzle began to come together slowly. There  
wasn't a complete picture yet, but there was enough of an image  
for him to get really suspicious.   
  
John narrowed his eyes and hmmed. "And... just how long have you  
bunch been staying in Japan?"   
  
"Um... a few years now, I think."   
  
"And you _live_ there, right?"   
  
Skuld was getting a little tired of nodding, but she did it again  
anyway.   
  
-click-  
  
Ah-hah.   
  
"Say, luv, mind if I meet your sister?"   
  
"Oh... um... sure." She beamed. "I'll take you to meet her!"   
  
John nodded, then acked as Skuld grabbed him. "Wha...?"   
  
In a minute, they were gone.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Keiichi was lying in the bath. He shook his head worriedly.   
With Urd disappearing, and Skuld in England, he wasn't sure what  
was wrong. Belldandy was taking an inordinately long time to  
recover. She might've strained herself too much, and he wasn't  
sure who to ask...   
  
Suddenly a hand shot out from between his legs.   
  
"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"   
  
"Oops, sorry, Keiichi!" Skuld said in Japanese, jumping out of  
the bath. She pulled on another arm, and soon had a sour-looking  
blond man in a trenchcoat out of the bath.   
  
Keiichi, after scrambling for a towel, looked at him. "Who's  
he, Skuld?"  
  
John looked at Skuld. "Bloody hell! Gimme some warning when  
you do that! S'gotta be a better way to travel!" He stumbled   
awkwardly around, shaking some water from off his shoes, then  
finally took notice of Keiichi. "Oh, sorry 'bout that, squire.  
Just coming through."   
  
"Will you ALL get out of here?" Keiichi hollered.   
  
"I take it, luv, he's not happy about us being here?" John asked  
Skuld.   
  
Skuld was about to answer when Peorth poked her head through the  
bathroom doorway.   
  
"Ah, you're here. About time, you guys," Peorth said, with a  
smile aimed at John.   
  
"Bloody hell, what am I today, a Goddess magnet?" mumbled John.   
  
"What are YOU doing here?" Skuld demanded to know.   
  
"Will you people PLEASE get out of the bathroom?!" yelled  
Keiichi.   
  
Peorth blinked. "Oh! Heya, Keiichi!"   
  
"EVERYBODY OUT!!!"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
John looked down at the brown-haired goddess. For some reason,  
he suddenly felt very scruffy. He surreptitiously ran a hand thru  
his hair.   
  
Skuld looked at Banpei. "Hasn't she woken up yet?"   
  
Banpei shook his head.   
  
Skuld sighed and sat down on the bed, holding Belldandy's hand.   
"Oneesama, please wake up. We need your help. I can't do this  
alone."   
  
Sensing an opportunity to get John away from Skuld, Peorth  
smiled. "John... can we talk for just a little bit?"   
  
"Hm? What for?"   
  
"Oh, this and that," she said casually. In a whisper she added,  
"I think it's best we leave the sisters alone right now, don't  
you think?"   
  
"Oh, yeah, good point."   
  
Quietly, the two left the room. Peorth led them to the  
courtyard, where cherry blossom trees and fresh air greeted them.   
  
At this moment, John decided a cigarette was in order.   
  
"Filthy habit, you know," said Peorth.   
  
"Which is why I'm doing it," replied John with a grin. He looked  
around warily. Still had that same feeling he had back in  
London, that feeling of being watched by someone.  
  
"So, John, how's it going?" asked Peorth, strolling about  
casually. "The mission, that is."   
  
"Hah! I don't even know the bloody point of it all yet."   
  
"Well... whatever it is you're up to, I want in." She really  
did, too. After all, who wouldn't want in on the will of God?   
Especially if she could get her word in too.   
  
She didn't expect him to say no.   
  
"No."   
  
After all, who'd say no to a beautiful goddess like her?   
  
Wait.   
  
"No?" she asked in disbelief.   
  
"No," repeated John. He vaguely remembered the words from a  
dream somewhere, echoing in the back of his mind.   
  
Divinities will court you for favors.   
  
Urd, Peorth, Skuld.   
  
Already a Demoness watches your every move.   
  
Mara. SHE was watching him.   
  
Trust no one.  
  
He wasn't going to trust them anyway, but now there was a good  
reason why he shouldn't have. He just wished the Phantom  
Stranger explained it to him instead of being his stupid bloody  
friggin' mysterious self.  
  
Let a child lead the way.  
  
Skuld. Let Skuld lead the way.   
  
Oh boy.   
  
"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" pleaded Peorth.   
"_Anything?_"   
  
He looked up at the sky thoughtfully for a moment, then took a  
breath from his cigarette. "Nothing I can think of at the  
moment, luv, no. Sorry."  
  
She sighed, a tad overdramatically, and pouted. "Oh well.   
Should you _ever_ need me, Johnny, here's my card." She handed  
him a card, on which was a picture of Peorth surrounded by roses  
in a rather artful way. "Just touch it and call my name. I'll  
be there for you."   
  
She began to walk away, when she paused. "You know, Johnny...   
they may be past, present, and future... but I'm forever. Don't  
you forget it." With a wink and a smile she walked out of his  
life yet again. He was sure it wasn't going to be the last time,  
either.   
  
Wait... what did she mean by past, present, and future...?   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Hidden in the branches of a nearby tree, Mara watched the events  
unfold.  
  
Peorth's further involvement was unwanted but not unexpected.  
She still didn't have a clue as to what the big picture was.  
Neither did John or Skuld, but she had a feeling they'd be  
piecing things together by now.  
  
Any minute now.  
  
And she'd be ready.  
  
Or the First of the Fallen would have her head on a pike made of  
her ribs.  
  
She really wished she had listened to Ellie.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
When John returned to Belldandy's room, Keiichi was at one side  
of Belldandy's bed, and Skuld on the other. Both of them were   
alternately giving Belldandy worried looks and giving each other  
fidgety glances, as Banpei stood quietly in a corner. John   
sighed, and started to speak.   
  
"Um..."   
  
Skuld looked up at him. "Oh, John! Um... do you want a drink or  
something?"   
  
John shook his head. "Not now, luv. I thought maybe I'd talk to  
yer sister, but she's apparently not going to be up for a while."   
  
"What did you want her for?"   
  
"Information, maybe."   
  
Skuld blinked. "Oh! You can use the computer in my room! It's  
got a direct link to Heaven. Down the hall, to the right!"   
  
John nodded, and started to light up a cigarette, when Keiichi  
murmured something in Japanese.   
  
John stared. Skuld looked apologetically at John. "He said..."   
  
"Yeah, yeah, no smoking, right?"   
  
He waved carelessly at them and went looking for Skuld's room.   
He peeked into the nearest room.  
  
Good God. What the hell was this? A love hotel room? Bleah,  
this couldn't be Skuld's room. He backed out and went on  
to the next room.  
  
Lots of machines. Hmmm? This couldn't be... wait. There was   
the desktop. This must be her room. Hm... it seemed Skuld was  
mechanically inclined. He smiled to himself. Skuld was  
certainly very different from the typical deity he usually dealt  
with.  
  
He walked over to the desktop and stared at the screen of the  
monitor, sighing deeply.   
  
Here was a direct link to the files of Heaven, and it just had to  
be on computer. He hated computers.   
  
Currently, the screen was on him and his record.   
  
At the very least, he had the fundamentals of scrolling up and  
down settled. It was that up-arrow-thingy and the  
down-arrow-thingy that did it.   
  
He noticed his name was highlighed in blue.   
  
Hrm.   
  
What to do about that... the up and down keys weren't of any  
help. What was that they were using nowadays? A mouse, or  
something like that?   
  
"Bloody computers," he grumbled.   
  
Ah. Right. A mouse. He grabbed what he assumed was one and  
moved it around. That seemed to do something, as a little arrow  
thingy started zooming about to and fro.   
  
Now... about the name... move the arrow... and... click.   
  
Hrm. Hello, what's this?   
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
SEARCH RESULTS:   
  
(1) Constantine, John  
[profile] | [history] | [current status]  
[good deeds] | [unredeemed sins]  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Unredeemed sins? He frowned and unsteadily moved the arrow to  
that section and pressed the button.   
  
The first thought he had was:   
  
They counted THAT? Cripes. Petty friggin' bastards.   
  
He had no idea singing punk songs on stage while clad in nothing  
but boxer shorts while being stone drunk was a sin. Where was  
THAT on the Ten bloody Commandments?  
  
As he went further down the list, his face darkened. They might  
be petty bastards, he admitted, but they were thorough petty  
bastards. They were all listed in there, his little hall of  
shame. Fron Astra to Zatara, with a big mark next to the little  
incident he had with Gabriel.  
  
"Bullshite! I got Astra out of Hell, didn't I?"   
  
He scowled and fumbled a bit, trying to get out of that particular  
area. After a few loud beeps that clearly meant he wasn't doing  
it right, he finally managed to get back to the main screen.   
  
And just in time, too.   
  
"Hi, John."  
  
"Skuld!"   
  
He breathed a sigh of relief. That particular part of his life  
was something he didn't want Skuld to see.   
  
Skuld sat down next to him, looking despondent.   
  
John looked up at her. "Is your sister going to be fine?"   
  
Skuld sighed. "She's never slept this long before."   
  
John nodded in sympathy.   
  
Skuld looked at the desktop. "So, are you doing all right?"   
  
John frowned. "I'm trying to get any relevant information, but  
I'm bloody useless with computers."   
  
"I can help," she said confidently.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure you can." He meant it too.  
  
"So... what are you looking for?" she asked, while John moved  
aside and let her take over the keyboard.  
  
"Hrm... where to start... ah. List all the 'unnatural' disasters  
for the past... four years?"  
  
"Okay." Skuld began typing at a speed which John felt was a  
surely supernatural. "This'll take a moment."  
  
While Skuld blazed through dozens of screens of data in mere  
seconds, John turned Peorth's phrase over in his head.  
  
They may be past, present, and future....  
  
They? They who? The only people he could imagine her talking  
about would be Urd, Belldandy, and Skuld. That didn't seem  
right, though. The name Skuld nagged at the back of his mind, as  
if he read it somewhere before, but he definitely never heard of  
any deity named Urd or Belldandy.  
  
Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, these three weren't.  
  
"Oi, Skuld."  
  
"Not ready yet, almost there," she replied, still typing away at  
light speed.  
  
"What culture are you three from?"  
  
"Norse," she replied quickly, distracted by her task.  
  
Norse mythology, eh? He didn't deal with the Norse folk much,  
hence his inconvenient lack of memory recall in the area at the  
moment.   
  
Skuld finally stopped typing and proclaimed, "Okay, here it is!"  
  
On screen were hundreds of listings of tragedies, from killer  
tornadoes to teen Nazis on the rampage. There were riots and  
rapes, plagues and pillaging, a long list of human disasters by  
one means or another. John got an headache just looking at the  
first screenful of it.   
  
So, he thought, it wasn't _just_ about earthquakes. Now it was  
beginning to make sense.  
  
"Ugh, this's gonna be a mess," he grumbled.  
  
"How did you want to view it?" asked Skuld.  
  
"Hm? Wot?"  
  
"As in chart, or graph, or detailed description..."  
  
"Oh! Right then, gimmie a... whasit... a line graph orgainzed  
by... er..."  
  
"Month?" suggested Skuld.  
  
"Yeah, month."  
  
A few more seconds of typing from Skuld resulted in a nearby  
printer spitting out a few pages of line graphs. They were  
clearly on the increase.  
  
John held the papers in his hand, sorted them around a bit, and  
thought some more.  
  
"Skuld, have a look at these, hm?"  
  
She took the charts from John and looked at them. "What?"  
  
John handed her a pencil. "Now mark on the chart which month you  
three first got here."  
  
Skuld flipped through the pages to a couple of years back, then  
marked the month Belldandy had arrived in Japan.  
  
"You three arrived on that month?" asked John.  
  
"No. Belldandy came here first. Then Urd followed her, and I  
came after that."  
  
"Right. Mark those months down."  
  
She marked them.  
  
And, with fear and a sinking heart, she saw.  
  
"The unnatural disasters really start increasing after... after I  
left? B-but... but why? What'd I do?"  
  
John'd been mulling over Norse mythology for quite a while, while  
Skuld was busy, and finally, he remembered something.  
  
The name Skuld definitely did sound familiar.  
  
"Norse Goddess of the future," he mumbled. "That can't be right.  
The Norn Sisters would be Skuld, Urth and Verthandi... Ur..."  
  
And then a few more pieces of the puzzle snapped into place.  
  
Urd... Urth... Verthandi... Belldandy.  
  
And with a -click-, Gout's words fell in place.  
  
ThE dEmOnEsS bItCh? FeH! sTiLl ShE wAgEs uSeLeSs WaR aGaInSt  
ThE fAtEs, As ShE aLwAyS hAs.   
  
Oh. Oh damn.  
  
"The three Norse Goddesses of Fate are on a holiday in Japan?   
What's this bollocks? Aren't you three supposed to be determining  
fate or something?"  
  
"Um, what we really do now is keep the system running," replied  
Skuld, her mind still frantic about the implications of what had  
happened.  
  
"System? What system?"  
  
"The Yggdrasil."  
  
Yggdrasil? He'd heard of that somewhere before. "Some kind of  
tree, innit?"  
  
"It's the computer that manages lots of stuff on Earth and  
Heaven. Me and my sisters operate it when it needs to be  
adjusted."  
  
"So what you're saying," said John in a somewhat irritated voice,  
"is that NOBODY is watching the Yggdrasil right now? A bloody  
computer with the powers of a deity is running amock?"  
  
"Someone should have told us if something went wrong! They  
always do!" she said, the panic in her voice rising. "Oh no,  
they'll blame me for this! Maybe it's my fault! I thought one  
of the others was gonna watch it! Why didn't anyone call?! Oh no  
oh no oh no!"   
  
John, on the other hand, was surprisingly calm about things.  
  
"Now, luv, don't panic just yet."  
  
"Don't panic? DON'T PANIC?!"  
  
"It never helps to panic, kid."  
  
"I've got to get back up there! I've... I've... got to calm  
down. You're right. I'll be right back." She stood up suddenly  
and strode to the door.  
  
"Oi, where are you going?"  
  
"Ice cream. I need ice cream."  
  
Skuld left the room with much urgency, leaving John there to mull  
things over. Unknown to her, he had some suspicions on what was  
really going, and the bastardly little schemer in him was  
beginning to get a little lively.  
  
God save the Heavens. John Constantine was forming a Plan.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Urd sighed. This was reaching nightmare proportions. They were  
all there, with the exception of Raphael, who said something about  
previous obligations and left. The other Archangels seemed a bit  
tired of the proceedings except Raguel, whose intensity in the  
matter was as strong as iron.  
  
At the moment, the Archangels were digging into her childhood  
pranks. She always knew it'd come back to haunt her.  
  
Saraquael looked at Urd. "Do you deny that you stole the  
eight-legged steed Sleipnir?"   
  
Urd sighed. "No, but that was when I was a CHILD! What has this  
got to do with anything?!"   
  
Michael frowned at Urd. "Character."   
  
Urd glared. "I'm NOT working with Mara, goddamn it!"   
  
All the archangels gave her a harsh glare.   
  
"Ah, um, I mean, darnit!"   
  
A few mumbled to each other and eased off their glares, but  
Raguel did not. She wondered what it would take to get them off  
her back.   
  
"Just because I borrowed a horse years ago to try to help my  
sister...!!!"   
  
"You broke the rules on countless occasions," Michael frowned.   
  
Uriel ahemed calmly. "Now, Urd, shouldn't you just admit your  
faults? God forgives."   
  
Urd screamed. "I was just TRYING to help!"   
  
Raguel frowned. "Help the forces of hell, you mean? By contacting  
the mortal who made Gabriel fall?"  
  
"That wasn't WHAT I meant to do!"  
  
Uriel raised an eyebrow. "So what did you intend to do?   
'Accidentally' set up the rest of the Archangels to fall, as  
Constantine and his slut did unto Gabriel?"   
  
Urd groaned. This had just gone beyond nightmare status and  
was approaching the realm of paranoia.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Skuld returned a few moments later with a gallon of chocolate   
ice cream and proceeded to slowly chip away at the contents while  
staring out at the window.  
  
John paused for a minute. Christ, this might be a low thing to  
do, but...   
  
"Skuld... I think you should go back to Heaven to sort this out."  
  
"Mm? Yeah, I think so too."  
  
"Yes. And I think I oughta go along with you."  
  
"Would you?" she asked, surprised.  
  
John grinned. The Constantine Charm, it never failed when he   
needed it. "Oh, yeah kid. You'n me all the way. If anyone  
gives you a hard time, I'll have a word with 'em."  
  
"Thank you!"  
  
John found himself hugged, which didn't feel half-bad at all. Of  
course, he kept his his calm exterior. Had a reputation to keep,  
after all.  
  
"Oh, wait... I need to find a way to get you into heaven."  
  
"What, you can't just go through a tub'o water like last time?"  
  
"Hold on juuuuust a moment." Skuld grabbed what appeared to be  
some blueprints, a small toolbox, and a robot that just happened  
to be walking past the doorway at the moment.  
  
"This won't take long!" she yelled, as she dragged Banpei down   
the hallway.  
  
John blinked.  
  
He had a Bad Feeling about this.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
A few minutes later...  
  
"Behold! The new and improved Banpei RX Turbocharged Heavenly  
Chariot!" Skuld beamed.   
  
They were outside in the temple courtyard. John looked. Banpei  
was standing there.  
  
"What's the big deal?"   
  
"Watch. Banpei, Configuration Number 259!"  
  
Banpei morphed into a go-cart.   
  
John stared.   
  
"And... what is this again?" he asked, clearly confused.   
  
"This is your ride to Heaven!" she said proudly.   
  
He looked at it again.   
  
And again.   
  
"No."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Abso-bloody-lutely not. No way. Surely there must be a better  
way to get into Heaven. Martyrdom, for example."   
  
"Hey! What's wrong with it?"   
  
He sighed and felt the strong urge for a cigarette. "Surely you  
can find a better way?"  
  
"There's a quicker option, if you're in the right condition,"  
said Skuld.  
  
"Which is?"   
  
"If you're good, die."   
  
He blinked. "Ah, martyrdom _is_ the other option."   
  
With great trepidation, he stepped into the go-cart. "So, which  
way do I go?" he asked.   
  
"Banpei will drive you," she replied. "Just leave it to him. I  
even gave him an English translator, so he can talk to you!"   
  
John had a foot in the cart. He hesitated, then stepped out again.   
He just couldn't accept this. It looked too ridiculous. HIM, in  
a dinky little vehicle like THIS. No.   
  
Surely, he thought, there could be a way around this?   
  
"No. I refuse to accept this. Now, explain to me, _exactly_,  
why this is THE option? Isn't there a doorway or a path or some  
odd bloody spell you can do?"  
  
"Um... I'm not good enough at spells yet," said Skuld  
apologetically, "and I'm not allowed to tell mortals how to get  
into Heaven before their time or lead them there without  
approval."  
  
"Not allowed to..." John grinned. "Clever girl, using the  
technicalities." Skuld's happiness level jumped a bit with the  
compliment.   
  
John's grin faded as he looked at the go-cart again.   
  
"A bleedin' go-cart. Me mates will never let me hear the end of  
this if they find out," John muttered, as he settled in. "Hope  
Brendan won't see me like this. Else, I'll get bloody grief for  
eternity."   
  
A fierce gust of wind hit suddenly, tossing John's trenchcoat  
open. He struggled for a brief moment, then closed the jacket  
and held it firm by tying up the belt.  
  
He had that nagging feeling he was being watched again. John  
looked around, but saw no sign of Mara. He'd be expecting her  
sooner or later, though.  
  
Skuld dove into the pool to head for heaven, and Banpei prepared  
to leave as well, starting up its motor.  
  
"Onward ho, Bombay."  
  
A small computer display on the dashboard flashed silently.  
  
//Banpei.//  
  
"Oh. Right then, onward ho."  
  
The scooter silently hummed out into the streets, then through a  
narrow forest path. The go-cart began beeping merrily.  
  
"Oi! None of that. S'bad enough I have to ride in you."  
  
//Sorry.//  
  
John sighed and pulled out another cigarette.  
  
The computer display beeped.  
  
//No smoking.//  
  
"What?!"  
  
//Sorry.//  
  
"Now see here, kiddie-cart, I'm about to go running about in  
Heaven, where I just KNOW I'm not going to be welcome. If this  
stunt doesn't get me eternal damnation, it will certainly get me  
extremely rough treatment by deities of various sources.   
Therefore, I have a RIGHT to this cigarette, see?"   
  
//No.//  
  
"Tough luck, son." He lit the cigarette. A small mechanical arm  
tipped with a hose came out and extinguished it immediately.  
  
John narrowed his eyes. He could see this wasn't going to be a  
pleasant journey.  
  
"Tell me, at the VERY least, you have something to munch on  
during this trip?"  
  
A robotic hand whipped out and handed him an ice cream cone.  
  
"Ah. I see."  
  
This was going to be a long drive.  
  
For some reason, poem lyrics came to mind.  
  
"Theirs not to make reply, theirs but to do and die,  
Into the valley of Death rode the six hundred."   
  
The Charge of the Light Brigade. Damn that Tennyson, and the hours  
spent in detention studying.  
  
He tried not to remember the final fate of the Light Brigade.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
The First of the Fallen nodded and smiled on his dark throne.   
Mara's plot was actually surprisingly workable, but didn't go far  
enough. He did have to give her credit, though... for a small  
mind, her observations were astute.  
  
But soon, very soon, he would have his revenge.   
  
Revenge, at long last, on that smug little bastard John  
Constantine. He'd savor every moment in which John would be in  
Hell. The Devil would rejoice at every scream and tap-dance on  
his bones.   
  
John Constantine was doomed.   
  
Oh yes.   
  
And God too.   
  
-= end part 2 =-  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Rake at the Gates of Heaven

"Angels have always given me the creeps."   
  
-John Constantine to Tim Hunter,  
"The Books of Magic"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Demons, in general, are like sheep. They're ill-tempered,  
violent, bloodthirsty, backstabbing sheep, but still sheep. One  
moves, the others will follow.   
  
At the gates of Hell, a demon horde assembled and waited for  
something to happen. Only a few really knew what was going on,  
but passing denizens of Hell were curious as to why so many were  
gathered at the gates, and so they joined in waiting as well,  
resulting in said horde.   
  
One demon in particular, a yellow brute with webbed ears, clawed  
hands, and a purple cloak, was amused at the scene. This wasn't  
just any demon.   
  
He had a rank.   
  
He was a Rhyming Demon. His name was Etrigan.   
  
"What an amazing sight to see;   
Clueless hellspawn surrounding me."   
  
A nearby demon nudged him. "Etrigan! Know you what goes on  
here?"   
  
"Ah, friend Ykz'arth'ull-nf'tng,  
You've recovered from the exorcism, I see.   
As for purpose of this gathering,  
The First of the Fallen has willed it to be."   
  
Ykz'arth'ull-nf'tng nodded. "Yes... and?"   
  
"Hell and Heaven to war we go,  
The First of the Fallen has made it so."   
  
"You think so?"   
  
"Aye, the signs are all correct;   
The time to strike will rarely be better.   
The mortal plane is out of balance;   
The rumor is Heaven's under the weather."   
  
"Oh. I see."   
  
The demons brooded in silence a bit more, until  
Ykz'arth'ull-nf'tng spoke once again.   
  
"Etrigan."   
  
The rhyming demon raised an eyebrow.   
  
"Ever get tired of rhyming?"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
David Tai & Rod M.   
present...   
  
  
Dire Fates  
A John Constantine: Hellblazer  
Ah! My Goddess!   
Crossover  
  
Part 3: "Rake at the Gates of Heaven"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Asgard was the home of the Norse Gods and Goddesses. One of many  
small cities located near Silver City, it held sway to many fine  
liquor establishments, carnivals, and other festivities. It was  
also home to many fine fountains. One in particular was located  
in a bustling square, shaded by a few oak trees.   
  
Here, a little Goddess arrived.   
  
Skuld smiled as she climbed out of the fountain. It had been  
quite some time since she had been here. She hoped that there  
were still some familiar faces.   
  
"Skuld!"   
  
Skuld blinked, and turned. "Who... Idun!"   
  
A bright perky young goddess ran over and hugged Skuld. Skuld  
smiled, and returned the hug to the Norse Goddess of Eternal  
Youth.   
  
Idun pulled back and beamed. "It's been a while, Skuld! How's  
everything down on Midgard?"   
  
Skuld smiled. "Everything's going great! How about you?"   
  
Idun smiled, a smile of pure joy. "Bragi asked me out!"   
  
Skuld giggled. "About time!"   
  
The two young goddesses were soon lost in animated chatter.   
Before too long, though, another goddess, wise and middle-aged,  
came up to her.   
  
"Welcome home, Skuld. Have you enjoyed your time on Midgard?",  
the middle-aged goddess asked.   
  
Skuld smiled. "Laga!" She was on particularly good terms with  
the Goddess of Springs and Wells. "Yes, it's been a lot of fun!"   
Then she paused. Laga looked unhappy. Very unhappy.   
  
"Skuld, we must talk."   
  
"Wha... what's wrong?"   
  
"They've taken Urd."   
  
"They? Who?!"   
  
"The Archangels. They accused her of scheming to take over  
Heaven."  
  
Skuld's frown turned to a scowl. "She wouldn't do that!"   
  
"I know, but-"   
  
"When I get through with those Archangels... tell John to wait  
for me! He should be here soon! He's the blond man wearing a  
trenchcoat!"  
  
"No, Skuld! Wait! You can't face them alo-"   
  
Laga was too late, as Skuld disappeared into the fountain in a  
rage. She'd show those Archangels a thing or two!   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
John Constantine was, if nothing else, a well-travelled man.   
He'd crossed the Atlantic by plane, train and even automobile  
(although that was one story nobody believed).  
  
Nothing he'd ever put up with before irritated him as much as the  
slow drive with Banpei.  
  
"Can't you drive any faster?"   
  
//No.//  
  
"Cripes."   
  
Through the wilderness of Japan they drove, until the path became  
very foggy and serene. There was a tingling feeling at the back  
of John's mind, signaling the crossing of worlds.  
  
He always wondered if he'd get a chance to see Heaven.   
  
He was about to find out.   
  
//We have arrived.//  
  
John blinked.   
  
"What?"   
  
//We're in Heaven.//  
  
"A two hour putter about the woods and then suddenly 'poof' we're  
here? Just like that, then?"   
  
//Yes.//  
  
John looked around. As the fog began to clear, he could see  
majestic cities on the horizon and angels flying in the skies. He  
was expecting more, really. Trumpets, maybe, or a little bit of  
a light show.   
  
He shrugged. "Anti-climactic, if y'ask me."   
  
They drove on, through oddly white and ethereal country roads and  
woods, until they finally arrived in a fairly small town of  
sorts. There were people here, looking fairly ordinary, milling  
about.   
  
Most of them gave John a rather odd look, which didn't help his  
terribly embarrassed mood.  
  
"Oi, just where are we supposed to stop?"   
  
//To meet Skuld at Asgard, near the realm of Silver City.//  
  
"Not too far from here, issit?"   
  
//A few minutes more.//  
  
"Good." Please, he thought, please let no one I know see me in  
this contraption.  
  
"John! Oi! John, issat you!"   
  
John winced. "Oh no."   
  
With a whoop, a holler, and a leap, Brendan Finn landed neatly  
next to the cart, a bottle of brew in hand. "Haha! John, ye  
dog! I dunna believe it!" He began walking alongside the cart,  
keeping up with the excruciatingly slow rate that Banpei was  
driving.   
  
John grinned, although a bit weakly. It was good to see an old  
friend again, but the circumstances could've been a lot better.   
"Hey Brendan. Good to see you."   
  
"An' wha'n the name o'the allmighty is this wee thing  
y'driving?!"  
  
"This little wanker," said John with some annoyance, "was my  
ticket in to this joint."  
  
Brendan blinked. "Surely, boyo, ye coulda found a better way  
t'travel."  
  
"It's not my fault. This was a last-minute arrangement."   
  
"Ah. Right then. Y'know me next question, then."   
  
"What am I doing here?"   
  
"At'raight, Johnny. Unless ye've gone and become a priest before  
yer death, or you've suckered the Almighty..."   
  
"Well, mate, that one's a doozy." And so, while Banpei puttered  
along, John told Brendan of his misadventures with Skuld, Peorth,  
Urd, and Mara. Then he got to the bit about the Yggdrasil, and  
finally, his big plan.   
  
"Y'know, John," said Brendan, "t'was bad enough when ye fucked  
around with the man downstairs. I dunna think s'in yer best  
interest to be messin' aboot with _that_."  
  
John grinned. "Says the bloke who sold his soul to the Devil  
so's he could have a better beer."   
  
"Aye, t'was a good deal too. After all, I'm up here, aren't I?"   
  
John elbowed Brendan. "Thanks to me, you wanker."   
  
"Ach, lookit the time... gonna be late fer the arse-kickin of the  
day."   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"Ireland varsus En-ga-lund. Football, y'know. Ev'ry all-star  
player who's ever lived... except those tha'went t'Hell."   
  
John nodded. "Taking off, then? Not sticking around to see the  
final mess?"   
  
"I know ye, Johnny. Y'got the Devil's luck. Whatever 'appens,  
ye oughta come outta it fine. S'the bastards standin' next to ye  
that should be worried."  
  
John laughed. "How very bloody true."   
  
"Keep in touch, eh? I want t'knoo how yer crazy scheme pans out.   
Good luck, ye stupid git." With a wink and a smile, Brendan Finn  
disappeared.  
  
"I really hope he doesn't tell the other lads about you,"   
grumbled John to Banpei. "I just know every dead mate I got in  
Heaven'll pop up in my dreams to give me grief."  
  
If Banpei was insulted by John's comments, he didn't indicate it,  
driving on in silence.   
  
"Oi, how much longer?"   
  
//Almost there.//  
  
"Which means another hour of driving, I suppose," said John  
sarcastically. "My bloody lawn mower moves faster."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Skuld snuck quietly into the antechamber of the Tribunal Court.   
She frowned, and leaned over to listen at the door. Now what was  
going on in there? She hoped Urd was all right. Maybe she  
should go in...   
  
A hand came down on her shoulder. Skuld whirled around to see  
Saraquael frowning at her.   
  
"Little one, you should not be here," Saraquael sighed.   
  
Skuld frowned. "My sister's in there, isn't she?"   
  
Saraquael nodded. "Yes. We need to question her. Please,  
return home."   
  
Skuld hmphed. She opened the door and stormed right in. "YOU  
LET GO OF MY SISTER RIGHT NOW!"   
  
The room fell silent as the Archangels turned to stare at the  
intruder.   
  
Urd, seated in a tall chair and surrounded by a cylinder of  
light, winced as she saw her younger sister stomp in. This  
little stunt certainly wasn't making her look any better, and the  
brat would get in trouble too. "Aw great... Get outta here,  
Skuld!"   
  
Skuld raced to her sister's side. "Urd!" She punched futilely  
at the force field around her elder sister.  
  
Raguel frowned slightly. "Someone remove her."   
  
Saraquael came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.   
"Now, little one..."  
  
Skuld shrugged off the hand, and grabbed her mallet, holding it  
out in front of her. "I *DEMAND* that you let my sister out  
NOW!" She gave a warning swing that left a dent in the floor.   
  
Raguel, who had merely been watching coldly, now showed sparks of  
anger. "You... you dare?!"   
  
Skuld smiled. "Yes, I do!"   
  
She gripped her mallet and prepared for action...   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Far away, John could see the tips of many ivory towers extending  
into the clouds above. More angels could be seen weaving through  
and around them. As they got closer, John could see the base of  
the towers, and the beautiful city that stretched around it.   
  
"Is that Silver City ahead?"   
  
//Yes.//  
  
"I see. And Asgard is... where?"   
  
//On the other side.//  
  
"Ah."   
  
John's arrival into Asgard was, much like his arrival into  
Heaven, anticlimactic. The only improvement was that the scenery  
was better. Through mighty metal-bound oaken gates they passed.   
  
The sight that greeted them was, in John's opinion, much akin to  
a Norse theme park, only more ethereal. There were deities of  
many shapes and sizes milling about merrily, and there seemed to  
be a cow holding up traffic on a side road.   
  
For a bunch that don't even have worshippers any more, John  
thought, they sure were active.   
  
Aside from a few strange looks, he was pretty much ignored.   
  
Banpei puttered through the crowds until finally coming to a stop  
next to a water fountain.  
  
//We have arrived.//  
  
John looked at the dashboard display skeptically. "This is it,  
then?"   
  
//Yes.//  
  
"Right, I need to stretch m'legs." John slowly emerged from the  
tiny Banpei-cart and stretched his back, his arms, then shook his  
legs a bit. Meanwhile, the go-cart underwent a complex and quiet  
change from vehicle to midget mechanoid, which silently followed  
John as he paced around the fountain.   
  
Something still wasn't right. Even though he was in Heaven, he  
still had a nagging feeling that he was being watched by Mara.   
How that was possible, he didn't know.   
  
He sighed, sat down, and pulled out his pack of cigarettes.   
"Now, unless any deities 'round here have any objection to me  
smoking..."   
  
He paused.   
  
"Good."   
  
He started to take a cigarette out of the pack...   
  
"Are you John?" The question caught John entirely by surprise.   
The lack of cigarettes he'd had recently, combined with the lack  
of alcohol and fact that he really wasn't expecting anyone jarred  
him enough for John to jerk reflexively. The unfortunate side  
effect was that he accidentally tossed his pack of silk cuts into  
the fountain.   
  
He tried not to yell, watching with sad eyes as his cigarettes  
sank to the bottom. It was his last pack, too.   
  
"Shite. Friggin' good day this is." He looked at the woman who  
had called for his attention. "Well, wotcha want?"   
  
The woman who had distracted John looked around with a bit of  
panic. "Shh! Don't use her name like that!"   
  
"Eh? What'd I say?"   
  
She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, John  
found himself violently spun around and lifted roughly by the  
collar of his shirt. John noted that it was yet another middle  
aged woman that was now causing him grief, except that this one  
looked a bit pissed.   
  
The other woman sighed. "Oh no. Please, my lady, he did not-"   
  
"Stay out of this, Laga," growled the woman. Laga took a step  
back and bowed her head, while she turned her attention back to  
John. "How dare you... how DARE you speak in such a manner, here  
in THIS domain!"   
  
Unnoticed by all, Banpei took a few steps back, seemingly  
embarrassed by the recent turn of events.   
  
John blinked. "What manner? What're you so friggin' pissed  
about?"   
  
A passing deity looked at the commotion and decided to walk  
faster. "Whoops, someone did it again," he said as he made his  
escape.   
  
Her expression darkened. "My name. Do not say my name in that  
manner."   
  
He stared at her. "Lady, I didn't say anyone's friggin' name."   
  
"You did it again," she said in a low, menacing tone.   
  
"Lady, what is your bloody problem?"   
  
Suddenly, the woman grew to about twenty feet high, lifting John  
up high above the ground. "I SHOULD TURN YOU TO ASHES RIGHT NOW,  
INSOLENT MORTAL!"   
  
"And just who the friggin' Hell are you?" he shot back, not  
losing his cool for an instant.   
  
Laga pleaded, "Forgive him, my lady! He knows not what he says!   
He is a friend of Skuld and here by her invitation! Please show  
leniency!"  
  
The deity's expression darkened even further, despite Laga's  
pleading. Her eyes narrowed into slits and the eyes within  
burned with the rage of the Gods.   
  
"Please, my lady, do not hurt him!"   
  
"I," she growled to him, "am the wife of Odin, chief of all Norse  
Gods. I am Frigga." Her eyes grew even colder. "I am also  
known, by far too many mortals, as..." Her voice dropped to a  
whisper. "Frigg."   
  
John looked right into her eyes and grinned wickedly. He knew he  
shouldn't say it. He really tried to resist the urge.   
  
But hey, he figured, he had a reputation to uphold.   
  
"So, am I about to get well frigged or what?"   
  
Laga's jaw dropped. "Oh my."   
  
-------S-L-A-P-------  
  
Frigga walked over to the fountain and unceremoniously dumped  
John in it, then shrank down to normal size. She glared at John,  
who was sitting in the middle of the fountain. "Thank your gods  
that you're a friend of Skuld's, or I would smite thee so  
fiercely that your grandchildren would be reeling! Remember  
this, _mortal_, and show some proper respect next time!"  
  
John climbed out of the fountain, grimacing. Damn, these Norse  
Gods just couldn't take a joke. He tried to squeeze the water  
out of his trousers as Frigga glared at him.   
  
"So, where is the little sprog?" John asked, as he rubbed his  
face and winced. Good slapper, that Frigga. Got really frigged  
by Frigga. Yessir.   
  
At this point, Laga stepped into the conversation. "She went off  
to the domain of the Archangels, to confront them."   
  
Both Frigga and John were surprised. "She WHAT?" they both  
yelled.   
  
"They had taken Urd prisoner on the charge that she schemed with  
the hellspawn Mara to overthrow Heaven. I tried to tell Skuld  
not to go but she wouldn't wait! Those Archangels are out of  
control, I tell you. Someone must protest to the Lord of Hosts  
about this!"   
  
John paced around angrily. Damn damn damn... He desperately  
needed a cigarette at this moment, and fished around his pockets  
with frustration.   
  
So. A confrontation with the Archangels, eh? It was something  
he wanted to avoid, but seemed inevitable now.   
  
He smiled as he fished out one somewhat bent, but still dry  
cigarette out of a trenchcoat pocket.   
  
"Must be a sign of good luck." He nudged Banpei with his foot.   
"Oi, you know where the Archangels hang about?"   
  
The robot nodded and promptly transformed into a go-cart once  
more.   
  
"YOU are going to rescue her from the Archangels?" asked Frigga  
in disbelief.   
  
"Well, luv, someone's gotta do it." He sat in the Banpei-cart  
once more. "Onward, shorty."   
  
As the go-cart prepared to leave, John looked back at Frigga. He  
couldn't resist it...   
  
"Hey, luv... just wondering... is it true that Thor was a  
flasher?"   
  
John smirked as the goddess began cursing in a most unelegant  
manner.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Urd sighed. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "Welcome  
to the interview, Skuld."   
  
Seated in a chair similar to Urd's, also surrounded by a cylinder  
of light, Skuld sulked.   
  
"Hey, kid."   
  
"Yeah, what?"   
  
"Thanks for trying, sis."   
  
Despite being held prisoner, stuck in this room in front of a  
pack of paranoid Archangels, it was a fairly warm and fuzzy  
moment.   
  
Skuld kept on sulking, although this time with a bit of sadness  
tainting it. She needed a hug.   
  
"Well, that was touching," said Raguel flatly. "Now, let us  
continue with-"   
  
Then there was a *scritch* sound.   
  
Startled, everyone turned towards the sound. The Archangels held  
their breath. Urd gasped. Skuld stared, wide-eyed.   
  
A lone figure emerged from the shadows of the doorway.   
  
A match, aflame, slowly lifted up to a cigarette. There was a  
puff, then a smile.   
  
A British-accented voice spoke arrogantly. "Well... what have we  
here?"   
  
The Archangels felt a chill run down their spines.   
  
John Constantine had arrived.   
  
Skuld jumped off her chair. "John!"   
  
John nodded at Skuld, and then turned to look at the semicircle  
of Archangels.   
  
No one dared to breathe... except Raguel. He raised a hand and a  
sword of fire formed within it.  
  
"Constantine... how dare you show yourself HERE."   
  
He strode angrily forward until nose to nose with the mortal.   
  
"You will leave Heaven and never come back, or else..."   
  
The threat only seemed to amuse John.   
  
"Now, now, squire, you don't think I'd dare show up here without  
something nasty to spring on you boys, do you?"   
  
A flicker of worry crossed Raguel's face.   
  
"You're bluffing."   
  
John blew smoke in the Archangel's face. "Try me."   
  
He walked around Raguel and towards the two Goddesses, the  
Archangels getting out of his way.   
  
Out of his overcoat, John pulled an ancient stone knife, ebony as  
night, and tapped on the cylinder that imprisoned Skuld. With no  
fanfare and a slight -whoosh- the cylinder disappeared.   
  
"Hullo, darlin'. Miss me?"   
  
"John!" The little Goddess hugged John tightly.   
  
"C'mon, let's get your sister outta here too." He tapped the  
cylinder imprisoning Urd, with the same results.   
  
John turned his attention to the Archangels once more. "Now...   
the lady and the kid are with me, and we're walking out of here.   
Right?" He paused to look each Archangel in the eye. "Right.   
C'mon, kid."   
  
John walked past them, the sisters close behind, Skuld picking up  
her mallet from where it had been left leaning against a wall.   
As they walked through the doorway, Skuld paused and turned  
around.   
  
"Hey! Up yours! Biiiiih!"   
  
She blew them a raspberry and slammed the door shut.   
  
All the Archangels stood still, terribly embarrassed at what just  
happened... all except Raguel, who was trembling in rage.   
  
And so he roared, and his voice bellowed through all the Heavens.   
  
"CONSTANTINE WILL PAY FOR THIS!"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
The trio strode quickly and anxiously away from the lair of the  
Archangels, very much relieved to be out of there.   
  
"Is there a faster way to get out of here?" asked John, looking  
at the parked Banpei cart with distaste. "I got a feeling we  
_really_ shouldn't hang about."   
  
Skuld scampered up to Banpei. "Hot water." The cart responded  
by handing Skuld a small cup of steaming water.   
  
"Oh," said John, "this again."   
  
A second later, Urd, Skuld, a robotic Banpei, and John emerged  
from one of the many fountains of Asgard.   
  
"MUST you use water to travel every time, Skuld?" asked John.   
  
Skuld nodded.   
  
John shrugged. "Well, if that's the way it is."   
  
Urd looked at Skuld. "By the way, brat, what was it you said  
back there?"   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"What you said, to the Archangels?"   
  
Skuld smiled. "Oh, that. 'Up yours!'"   
  
Urd stared at Skuld. Then she looked up at John. She grabbed  
him by one hand on the now very rumpled collar of his shirt and  
jerked his face right up to hers.   
  
"What have you been teaching my sister?" she hissed.   
  
"Oi! Mind the shirt!" sniped John. "I didn't teach the girl any  
language like that!"  
  
Not taking her eyes away from John's, Urd said, "Skuld, take a  
walk for a second. Me and Constantine have to have a talk."   
  
"No!"   
  
Urd fixed Skuld with a 'how dare you' sort of look. "What?!"   
  
"I'm supposed to stick by John's side until everything's fixed  
and we're almost done!"   
  
A fourth party cut into the conversation unexpectedly. "I hate  
to admit it, Urd, but I'm inclined to agree with the child."   
  
Urd turned her scowl towards the new entry in the discussion.   
"Stay out of this, Peorth."   
  
"Now now, Urd, have a little patience," said Peorth with a smile.   
She lazily strolled towards them and seated herself at the edge  
of the fountain. "This is bigger than you or me."   
  
"I don't like vague answers, Peorth."   
  
"Could you please let go of my shirt?" asked John.   
  
Urd shook him briefly but harshly. "Shut up and stay quiet.   
Peorth, what are you talking about?"   
  
Peorth eyed John for a moment, appearing as if she were chosing  
her next words carefully. "What can I say, Urd? A _Stranger_  
from on high said so."   
  
The meaning of Peorth's hint wasn't lost on them. Urd's  
expression went from anger to surprise, while John's turned to  
bitter annoyance.   
  
In Urd's mind, the Stranger was someone to be taken seriously.   
Few knew what the Phantom Stranger really was, and she was one of  
the many that didn't. What everyone did know was that when the  
Phantom Stranger gave advice, it usually was best to take it.   
  
In John's mind, this was more evidence that the Phantom Stranger  
was a total wanker. Where was he now? John wanted to know. If  
the Stranger knew so bloody much why didn't he get his own hands  
dirty? Nooo, couldn't do that. Hafta remain all mysterious.   
What to do then? Send ol' Constantine to do the job. The  
bastard.   
  
Peorth looked at them. "Now, I believe you were about to find a  
place to hide? We could return to my apartment and..." she  
looked sultrily at Constantine, "_talk_."   
  
Skuld glared at Peorth and was about to retort, when Urd put a  
calming hand on her shoulder. "Shh, Skuld... not now. Like it  
or not, we'll need to hide. The Archangels are probably turning  
the Heavens inside out looking for us."   
  
"But back into Silver City?" Skuld frowned.   
  
Peorth smiled. "We'll slip past their patrol. After all,  
they've already searched the district where I live. And they  
won't find us. Follow me." She walked off, and John, bemused,  
paced behind her.   
  
Skuld and Urd looked at each other, and sighed before they  
followed.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Peorth's domicile was a place one could say definitely belonged  
to a woman. Soft colors dominated the room, with roses and  
roselike furniture everywhere.   
  
"Nice place," said John. "Got any cigarettes? I'm out."   
  
"Now now, Johnny," said Peorth, "I don't need to tell you what a  
bad habit that is."   
  
"Hey, Constantine," said Urd, "what was that knife you used  
earlier?"   
  
"What, this?" He pulled out the knife once more, waving it  
lazily before putting it back in his pocket. "The knife belonged  
to an ancestor of mine, James Constantine. He used to mess with  
angels a quite a bit. Can't confirm what it is, really, but  
rumor has it this knife was used in the first murder of mankind."   
  
"WHAT?" Urd cried.   
  
John held up his hands. "Hey, it was only a rum-"   
  
Outside, there was a bellow of rage. Peering out a window, Skuld  
saw angels in the sky, each with a fiery sword, and one burning  
brighter than all the rest.   
  
"Cooooooonstaaaaaaantiiiiiiiine!"   
  
Skuld turned away from the window and took a seat next to John,  
much to Urd's dismay. "You've really got Raguel bloody pissed  
off, John."   
  
Immediately, Urd shot John a venomous look, while Peorth raised  
an eyebrow.   
  
John looked up nervously, then gave Skuld a gentle bap. "Good  
little Goddesses shouldn't talk like that, kid."   
  
"But you talk like that all the time!" protested Skuld. Urd's  
glare intensified a bit, while Peorth was about ready to laugh.   
  
"Well yes I do, luv, but I'm the mortal here, not you."   
  
Skuld oh'ed. "But you really made Raguel angry." She paused a  
bit. "Were you really bluffing back there?"   
  
John raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Good magicians don't reveal  
their tricks."   
  
The sound of Raguel bellowing John's name once more caused them  
all to look out the window for a moment. Peorth wisely waved a  
hand, causing the window to close and turn opaque.   
  
"Raguel... he who executes the Vengeance of the Lord, right?"   
asked John.   
  
"Yeah, that's him. The one whose face you blew smoke in,"  
replied Urd, with a frown.   
  
John pretended not to notice the frown. "Y'know... I always  
wondered. Were the Archangels always such bloody uptight  
bastards?"   
  
Urd sighed. "Ever since the fall of Lucifer Morningstar, the  
Archangels have been driven. They were horrified that one among  
them would dare lead a rebellion against the Lord, and were more  
horrified at what Lucifer became after his fall."   
  
Peorth nodded, and continued the narrative. "You see, John,  
they're the first children of the Lord. They have a certain  
pride in being so, and one of the things they fear the most is a  
fall from grace. Thus, they seek to stay righteous by being  
ever-vigilant, even if it does mean behaving like stormtroopers  
at times. In their eyes, they carry out their Father's will, and  
none have told them otherwise."   
  
Urd continued. "They've strived for perfection. They had  
thought they achieved it... at least until the fall of Gabriel."  
She gave John a nasty look.   
  
Skuld was clearly puzzled. "Gabriel?"   
  
John looked uncomfortable. Shite, he really didn't want to  
disillusion a little girl...   
  
The fall of Gabriel was just one of those unfortunate things,  
really. Gabriel was, during his tenure on earth, quite a  
remarkable snob. He was also hanging about with the wrong crowd,  
as one of his frequent associates was, unknown to him, the head  
of a Nazi terrorist group. Not liking where Gabriel was headed  
(and not liking Gabriel, as John bitterly despised snobs), John  
set a trap for the Archangel, using a disguised Ellie as bait.   
Gabriel succumbed to temptation, willingly sinned, and thus fell  
from grace. But if John hadn't done that...   
  
Peorth shot a look at Urd, as she said, "Gabriel's fall showed  
the Archangels that even they were not beyond the earthly realms.   
And ever since, they've been edgy."   
  
Skuld exclaimed, "They've been acting like jerks!"   
  
"But Gabriel..." Urd began.   
  
Peorth cut in. "Gabriel fell because he put himself in that  
position. To designate blame on a mortal is to disavow the steps  
Gabriel himself took."   
  
Urd, fortunately, did not pursue the Gabriel matter further.   
  
John gave a mental sigh of relief, then thought of something.   
  
"S'cuse me, but can someone explain to me exactly what the  
Yggdrasil does? From what little lore I can recall, it's the  
'World Tree' or something, innit?"   
  
Urd gave John a _very_ suspicious look, clearly not trusting him  
one bit. Peorth looked startled, then chuckled. She shared a  
look with the other goddesses, then sighed.   
  
"Very well, John. When God created everything, He found He could  
not run it all by Himself. Otherwise His vision would be spent  
overviewing every little thing in the universe. And so He  
created the Angels. When He created Man, He found that He could  
barely keep up with all the demands, once Paradise was lost. The  
Angels could not keep up with the rapidly changing Earth that  
Mankind created. Gods and Goddesses were born as mankind grew.   
In order to keep up with the large demands that Mankind put on  
Earth, He created the Yggdrasil. And He left it alone to see how  
it runs. But the system is too black-and-white, too literal, too  
absolute. To fix it, however, the Creator would have to scrap  
everything."   
  
She cast a look at the goddesses. Both Urd and Skuld nodded.   
  
"But He did not want to. Instead, the Norn sisters were  
designated to care for the Yggdrasil, to remove the bugs that  
plagued it, and to keep it running."   
  
"Hold on, luv, why wouldn't He just shut it down and make a new  
one?" John asked.   
  
"Because to do so is to start Earth anew, John Constantine," Urd  
said.   
  
"Oh. Shite."   
  
He thought for a minute, then looked at Urd. "Who's taking care  
of the Yggdrasil while you're on Earth?"   
  
Urd looked embarrassed. "We still are. But someone is supposed  
to inform us whenever there is trouble."   
  
"Ahh." John pondered a minute, then said, "So basically, a  
computer that watches over humanity-"   
  
Skuld cut in. "It does other things, too!"   
  
"- is runnin' without supervision?"   
  
Urd nodded. "It basically runs itself. But if it breaks, we'd  
know."   
  
John rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "What if someone uses it  
improperly? Would you know?"   
  
Skuld blinked. Urd blinked. Peorth chuckled, as she replied,  
"Probably not, unless he or she crashed the system."   
  
John paused. He thought for a minute. If the Yggdrasil  
basically could run itself...   
  
"What's the odds of the Yggdrasil becoming self-aware?" asked  
John.   
  
Peorth shrugged, then looked to the two sisters.   
  
"Well... we never really thought about all the possibilities,"  
admitted Urd. "We were sort of... busy on Earth."   
  
"It shouldn't be possible," said Skuld. "You don't think..."   
  
John grinned. Now for the final piece...   
  
"Well, ladies, let's get to the Yggdrasil. We just may find our  
answers there, eh?"   
  
The goddesses all nodded in unison.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Outside, Urd and Skuld looked past a corner, trying to watch out  
for the Archangels and Angels that would surely be looking for  
them. Then they motioned for John and Peorth to follow.   
Furtively, they darted, slowly making their way towards the  
Yggdrasil.   
  
At one stop, John managed to whisper to Peorth while Urd and  
Skuld were on lookout.   
  
"By the way, why did you cover up for me back there?"   
  
Peorth smiled sweetly at him. "My dear John, this little  
adventure has been so much fun. It'd be a pity to see it end so  
soon."   
  
"That can't be it... why would you involve yourself in this?"   
  
Peorth gave John a bemused smile. "Because you mortals are SO  
much more interesting. Good and Evil, all mixed up in one  
earthly form. So much potential for good, so much potential for  
evil." She patted John on the cheek. "Especially you, John  
Constantine."   
  
And then she giggled. "And I want to see the look on God's face  
when he sees you here, Johnny."   
  
John blinked. Somehow, that prospect was... daunting.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Back at the temple...   
  
Keiichi sat by Belldandy's bedside, his concern rising. Urd was  
gone. Skuld was gone. Belldandy was still unconscious.   
  
He whispered her name, as if it was a prayer, then stroked her  
face gently. He hated to admit it, but there was nothing he  
could do. And he was so tired...   
  
Keiichi fell asleep at Belldandy's side, head on the sheets,  
curled up in a fetal position.   
  
A short time later, a blinding beam of light descended through  
the ceiling, going right to the mark on Belldandy's face. Her  
eyes flew open, ablaze with azure light and she slowly began to  
rise, levitating from the bed.   
  
The light began to fade, and as it did, Belldandy slowly drifted  
down onto the bed once more. With a great effort she stood up  
and took a few deep breaths. After a moment to focus herself,  
Belldandy looked at the still-sleeping Keiichi.   
  
She sighed wistfully, and smiled, then stroked his face. Then  
she leaned over to kiss him lightly on the cheek, before she  
stood up. She nearly stumbled. Merciful Goddesses, she was  
still weak... but she had to fight.  
  
For Heaven.   
  
For Keiichi.   
  
Belldandy stumbled over to the mirror kept in her room, and  
vanished in a flash of luminous light.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
They stood before two massive doors at the end of a long, dimly  
lit, very ethereal corridor. The feeling of power emanating from  
behind those doors was tangible.   
  
"So... this is the Yggdrasil, is it?" asked John, stepping  
forward ahead of everyone else. Peorth and Skuld followed.   
  
"Yes, we're here," said Urd, keeping a wary eye on the mortal.   
  
This, thought John, was the tricky part. What was waiting for  
them behind those doors was unknown. It'd either fold like a  
cheap suit or blast him to hell. The goddesses would either be  
insurance against an early demise or a hinderance to his scheme.   
  
Tricky stuff.   
  
John took a deep breath and reached forward, grabbing the handles  
and swinging the massive doors open.   
  
What greeted them was a cold, circular chamber lit only by the  
lights on many control panels lined along the walls. Things  
scurried into the shadows as John strode into the room.   
  
And in the corner, shuddering, on the floor, his face covered by  
his hands, wings quivering as he cried, was an angel, surrounded  
by... were those eight-legged rabbits?   
  
This, John didn't expect.   
  
"Bloody Hell..."   
  
Behind him, Urd peered into the darkness. "Hey, what the heck?!"   
  
Skuld cried, "Oh no...!"   
  
John cursed silently as the goddesses pushed their way into the  
room, forcing him to step forward, totally ruining any chance of  
making a decent entrance. There was no way he'd manage to get  
alone with the angel now.   
  
"Bugs!" finished Skuld as she pulled out her mallet and swung at  
a nearby eight-legged rabbit bouncing around the room. It hopped  
out of the way, and jumped around merrily, leading Skuld on a mad  
chase.   
  
John blinked. Those things were BUGS? Now Heaven was starting  
to look more and more like a nuthouse. No wonder the Archangels  
had poker rods up their arses. Oh well, he'd just have to make  
the best of it.   
  
Urd, along with John, strode immediately to the angel. John  
looked passive while Urd looked furious.   
  
She towered over the cowering angel, anger burning in her eyes.   
"So... unleashing bugs on the Yggdrasil, eh? Trying to take over  
Heaven, huh? Scheming with Mara, hm? Confession is good for the  
soul, right? IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG! HOW DARE YOU, YOU  
HYPOCRITICAL BASTARD!"  
  
The angel winced with each word Urd yelled and continued to sob.   
  
At the sight of the angel, Peorth's eyes flew open in surprise.   
Skuld paused from her chase to see who was making those pathetic  
noises. She gasped in shock. "Raphael?"   
  
This gave John a reason to raise an eyebrow. Not just an angel,  
an Archangel. Well now, this was definitely unexpected. A rogue  
deity he was expecting. The possibility of the Yggdrasil  
becoming self-aware was a suspicion. But one of THEM behind all  
this?   
  
Surprise, surprise. But...   
  
"S'cuse me, ladies, mind if I had a word with Raphael for a bit?"   
  
Raphael gave a loud wail and backed away. Urd glared at John,  
then looked at the pathetic wretch. She looked at Peorth, who  
nodded gravely.   
  
Urd tapped Skuld on the shoulder. "C'mon, let's see what that  
idiot messed up." Skuld, still looking at the Archangel in  
shock, nodded and followed her sister.  
  
"Hey, what's this?" Skuld looked curiously at several wires that  
were extended oddly and met in an odd ring of circuitry and other  
Yggdrasil materiel.   
  
Urd came over and looked the device over. "Oh... no wonder  
Raphael's a wreck. He tried to do it all, all our duties, all at  
the same time, and control as much extra as he could. If he  
wasn't an Archangel, he'd be the mental equivalent of a turnip by  
now."   
  
"But why did he do this? Why didn't he just call us?" asked  
Skuld, as she suddenly spun around and slammed her mallet down on  
a bug. It screamed and faded out of existence, as Skuld put her  
mallet away and began to examine the system. She waved her hand  
and a mini-Skuld popped up on her hand, which waved hello and  
bounced into the core of the Yggdrasil.   
  
"I dunno, kid," replied Urd, "but I figure we'll find out once  
Constantine's through with him."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
John sauntered over to Raphael, inwardly grinning. It made sense  
now. Raphael, the Archangel set over humanity. With the  
caretakers of the Yggdrasil gone, it seemed, he would think  
himself the proper caretaker of the Ultimate Computer.  
  
He took a seat on the floor next to Raphael and dug for a  
cigarette. Then he remembered he didn't have any more.   
  
Drat. Oh well...   
  
It seemed to have gotten a tad warm suddenly. That didn't seem  
to be right. John frowned, looked around, then dismissed that  
feeling as just more paranoia as he removed his overcoat and laid  
it down on a panel surface of the Yggdrasil.   
  
"Well now, Raphael, what nasty business were you up to here, hm?"   
  
Raphael sniffled a bit, then tried to sit upright and properly.   
John handed him a handkerchief, and the Archangel proceeded to  
wipe away the tears.   
  
"I tried... I really tried to make it better, you know," said  
Raphael. "It wasn't right, what was happening below. But the  
more I tried, the more these..." he indicated the bugs, "_THINGS_  
popped up. And everything got worse and worse." He grabbed John  
firmly by the now extremely rumpled collar of his shirt. "But it  
wasn't entirely because of the bugs, nooo. It's YOU people!   
It's MOSTLY YOU PEOPLE! Do you people realize what you're doing  
to each other?!?!"  
  
"Mind the shirt, mate, please."   
  
"Our Father gave you life! He gave you an entire PLANET! And  
what do you do? You ruin EVERYTHING and find NEW and TERRIBLE  
ways to crush each other's souls to Hell! You wage wars over  
silly little trivia like land that hasn't been holy for THOUSANDS  
of years and CHEAPER GAS! You turn away as children starve to  
death! You walk away from those far less fortunate than you,  
asking for just a little help! You swindle and preach and kill  
in the name of a God whose rules you knowingly break every day!  
You rape your sons and daughters! You butcher your fathers and  
mothers! You take the gift of life and turn it into a curse!"   
  
John felt like he was being preached to. He really hated it when  
that happened. He really wished he had a cigarette. "Are you  
finished yet?"   
  
"No! You idiots, you over-evolved apes! I tried to make it  
better! I did! But every time I gave you people a boon, you  
turned around and made it a damnation!" He looked upwards, tears  
streaming from his eyes. "Lord, what fools these mortals be!"   
  
If he weren't an Archangel, and if John weren't stuck in the  
middle of Heaven, he would have punched Raphael at this point.   
Instead, he did some shirt collar grabbing of his own. Well, he  
at least grabbed Raphael by the shoulders, since there wasn't any  
collar to hold. "Yeah? You're in deep now, sunshine. You  
messed about with the Yggdrasil and you KNOW that you shouldn't  
mess about with it. You think your brothers are gonna take this  
kindly? Cos I think they'll kick your arse downstairs faster  
than they tossed out Lucifer!"   
  
The Archangel sighed. "I... no." He calmed down, took a deep  
breath, then stood tall and proud once more. "I am an Archangel.   
Mine is to carry out the will of our Lord and that is what I have  
done and will continue to do. My brothers will surely agree with  
what I've done." He bowed his head solemnly, as if in deep  
thought.   
  
John frowned. "You really think so, don't you? You don't  
understand. It's over. You've caused too much of a mess for  
your brothers to forgive and it's clear you couldn't handle it to  
begin with. Face it, you're done."   
  
Raphael nodded.   
  
Peorth frowned. "What I don't understand is, why didn't you ask  
for help? If you were having troubles..."   
  
Raphael looked up. "I did. I called for help a short while  
ago."   
  
Suddenly, a nearby curved, reflective panel shone with an inner  
light. All eyes were drawn to the light, as Raphael smiled an  
arrogant smile.   
  
"And she has come."   
  
A female figure stepped out of the light.   
  
Brown hair trailed after her as the goddess entered the room.   
She halted, and spoke in a quiet, but determined voice.   
  
"John Constantine. I cannot allow you to interfere. To let you  
meddle with the Yggdrasil means that all contracts will then  
end... and I cannot, will not, forgive anyone who stands between  
my Keiichi and I!"  
  
Belldandy had arrived.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"Belldandy!" Skuld exclaimed. She ran towards her, and hugged  
her tightly. Belldandy returned the hug, but kept her eyes on  
John.   
  
"Skuld. Step out of the way," Belldandy whispered, as she took  
in the scene. This mortal, this John Constantine, appeared to  
have placed Raphael in a bad position and somehow tricked her  
sisters into helping him. The Yggdrasil told her, it showed her  
what would happen should Constantine halt Raphael. She would  
loose Keiichi. He could not be allowed to proceed any further.   
  
Urd stepped in Belldandy's way. "Belldandy, what's going on?   
What are you talking about?"   
  
"He'll take Keiichi away from me if we don't stop him," said  
Belldandy firmly.   
  
"Belldandy, I know I haven't given you much reason to trust me in  
the past," said Peorth, "but trust me. Raphael's in the wrong  
here."   
  
Urd nodded. "Please, Belldandy, she's right."   
  
Belldandy frowned. Maybe her sisters were right... but if  
Raphael was right, and the mortal John Constantine were to meddle  
with the Yggdrasil, then... her contract with Keiichi could be  
voided. And she could not...   
  
God, what was she to do? Believe Raphael, or her sisters?   
  
John approached her. "Look, luv, I know you don't know me,  
but..."   
  
And then suddenly and unexpectedly, all Hell broke loose in  
Heaven.  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
With Belldandy arriving and demanding that Constantine be  
stopped, everyone's attention was drawn away from the little  
corner of the room that John had put his trenchcoat down in. It  
suddenly stood upright, gaining a life of its own. A moment  
later, the form of Mara, the demoness, appeared within it.   
  
Her arrival was sensed by the divinities in the room immediately.   
  
"You!" yelled Urd. Skuld reached for her backpack, intending to  
toss a few horseshoes at her. Everyone else was utterly  
surprised.   
  
Mara would have gloated, or at least made a fairly moderate  
exposition of the situation had she the time. Time, however, was  
currently a luxury, and her reason to gloat had been taken away  
from her anyway. This wasn't her victory, it was His.   
  
Quickly, she pulled out a disc and slammed it into a nearby slot  
before anyone could stop her. A second later, Mara was slammed  
against the wall by Urd, who kept a grip on her neck.  
  
"What have you done?!" yelled Urd. "Skuld! Get that disc out!"   
  
"I can't! It's stuck!" replied Skuld frantically, now fumbling  
around with the slot.  
  
"Sorry about this, Urd," mumbled Mara. "I had no choice."   
  
First the lights flickered. Then there was a blue glow around  
the room, as the lights cut out, and backups went on...   
  
"The security systems...?" Skuld dashed over to a board and typed  
away. Urd kept a tight grip on Mara, as Raphael walked over  
quickly and watched Skuld's progress.   
  
"They're shutting down!" Skuld cried.   
  
"Activate the backups! Quickly!" Raphael cried.   
  
"I'm trying, I'm trying! They're not coming back up!" Skuld  
screamed hysterically.   
  
"What the heck did you do, Mara?" John shouted.   
  
Mara sighed. "It's a virus."   
  
"My God." Peorth muttered.   
  
All of the bugs that had been running around the Yggdrasil  
suddenly vanished. The lights in the room died entirely, leaving  
everyone in the dark. There was a spark, a hiss, then the  
ominous smell of brimstone. Then the lights came roaring back  
on, this time in shades of blood red. A dark figure stood in  
front of the Yggdrasil, his back to them.   
  
The goddesses gasped. Raphael turned pale. Mara tore free from  
Urd's grip and vanished, as the figure turned towards them.   
  
The First of the Fallen grinned maliciously.   
  
"Well... hello. Surprised to see Me?"   
  
And the First of the Fallen threw his head back and laughed,  
louder and louder until the laughter echoed back from the  
polished walls with almost painful intensity.  
  
What John said at that moment summed up the prevalent mood in the  
room.  
  
"Oh, shite."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
The Archangel Raphael was the first to react. Summoning a  
flaming sword, he charged for the First of the Fallen.  
  
Urd, Peorth, and Belldandy began chanting.   
  
Skuld gaped, completely at a loss.   
  
The First raised an hand. A force shield formed, around the core  
of the Yggdrasil, with the First of the Fallen inside.  
  
Raphael's flaming sword clashed with the shield, sending sparks  
of fire flying. The Goddesses' energy beams bounced off. The  
First laughed even more, and then turned to face John  
Constantine.  
  
"I think we need some privacy, don't you?" said the Devil  
gleefully.  
  
For once in his life, John Constantine was frozen in fear.   
  
"What? Nothing to say? I guess you agree then, hm?" The First  
of the Fallen turned to face Raphael, who couldn't help but step  
back in fear.   
  
"Raphael... you always were a snivelling little brat." With a  
wave of his hand, a blast of wind hit Raphael, reducing him to a  
blur, then dissolving into nothing.   
  
Skuld shrieked, "You killed him!"   
  
"No, I just threw him out of the room," replied the First of the  
Fallen, "just like what I'm about to do to you." He made another  
sweep of his arm and the goddesses found themselves struck by the  
same turbulent force that struck Raphael. For a moment, the four  
goddesses were reduced to screaming blurs, then vanished.   
  
He gestured once more, an idle flick of the wrist, and the doors  
of the Yggdrasil slammed shut.   
  
The First of the Fallen clapped his hands together, sighed a  
happy content little sigh, then turned to a very nervous and  
stunned John, crossed his arms and smiled. "Well now, John.   
Looks like it's just you and Me."  
  
Finally gathering his wits, John managed to find his voice again.   
"Oi. You didn't have to go to all this trouble for me."   
  
"Oh, but I insist."   
  
The First of the Fallen snapped his fingers.   
  
Suddenly, John was on an upside-down cross. The abrupt feeling  
of being turned upside-down and with nails cutting through your  
hands and feet was far from pleasing.  
  
"Aaagh! Shite! Aw Christ! Aaaw!"   
  
"No use calling Him now," said the Devil.   
  
"Fuck you, asshole! Aaagh!"   
  
"Forgive me if I indulge Myself at this moment," said the Devil,  
standing over John. "It's not often I get to gloat."   
  
"I got a *owshitthishurts* choice?"   
  
"No... not really. So just stay right there and bleed. I'll do  
the talking."   
  
"Suit y'self. *ow*"   
  
A throne made of human remains formed from the floor as The First  
of the Fallen seated himself.   
  
"Ah... now where to begin? It all started when a little demoness  
named Mara had a sit-down one day and thought about the situation  
she was currently tangled in. You see, she was currently the  
arch-foe of a trio of goddesses, namely Urd, Belldandy, and  
Skuld. By now, you realize WHAT those three goddesses are.   
Mara, and for some unfathomable reason nobody else, realized what  
that meant. Fate, such as it is, was being uncontrolled, since  
the three were taking a holiday in Japan. All she needed to do  
was get to the Yggdrasil and seize control. And how would she  
get in? Well, that's what you're for. You are, after all, a  
rider of synchronicity. Once you're a part of something, you see  
it through to the end whether you like it or not. The moment  
Mara gave you that first nudge, you were bound to come here, and  
she'd be right behind you. It was a clever little plan indeed."   
  
The First of the Fallen laughed long and hard. John twitched  
uncontrollably. Being crucified was bad enough. Being subjected  
to terribly cliched villianous exposition didn't help matters.  
  
"And that," the First said, leaning back comfortably, "is where I  
came in. I overheard Mara's plan, you see, and was a bit  
impressed... and I admit, a bit embarrassed I didn't see it  
Myself. But Mara's plan was so very disappointing in its scope.   
You see, she was going to extract some revenge on the three  
sisters of Fate, make a little noise, that sort of thing. She  
even had thoughts of elevating her rank a bit and shaking up  
things a little in Heaven."   
  
A large pool of John's blood was forming on the floor. He  
desperately hoped that this was all just a bad dream, and he'd  
wake up. At this point, seeing the Phantom Stranger's face would  
be a good thing.  
  
The Devil stood up once more and walked over to a panel, idly  
pressing a few buttons. "Mmm, yes, a nice little plan, but it  
had potential for so much more. So that's where I stepped in and  
took over things. Instead of a little noise here and there and  
some petty revenge... well... why not... bring Hell to Heaven?   
Even now, my legions are amassing, storming the Gates of Heaven,  
as the security systems falter and fail. Even as we speak,  
Constantine, My virus is bending HIS system to MY will. In a  
matter of minutes, it will be ME on the throne."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
At the outer fringes of Heaven, history was in the making.   
  
Right at its border, just behind the gates of Heaven a horde of  
demons were standing there, staring and amazed at what was going  
on.  
  
The gates were open.   
  
They _knew_ what they were supposed to do, rush in and smite some  
arse, but they _really_ didn't expect to get this far. The major  
demons of hell talked about storming Heaven all the time,  
especially the first two dozen of the Fallen, but nobody had  
actually done it.   
  
Until now.   
  
And they were doing it.... well... about to do it.   
  
This, they all thought, was too good to be true.   
  
It had to be a trap.   
  
"Gout," grumbled Ykz'arth'ull-nf'tng, "you go first."   
  
"I? PsHaW. bRoThEr YkZ'aRtH'uLl-Nf'TnG, yOu FiRsT."   
  
Etrigan grumbled and snorted. Flames shot from his nostrils.   
  
"Fools! Idiots! You snivelling lot!   
Step forward quick, else I'll turn thee to snot!"   
  
"If YoU'Re So BrAvE, yOu Go FiRsT!"   
  
Etrigan narrowed his eyes and frowned. Then he picked Gout up by  
the horns and flung him across the gates.   
  
"IiIiIiIiEeEeEeEeEeEeee..... Eh... ErM."   
  
Much to his relief, Gout didn't explode into fire when he hit the  
holy ground of Heaven. Nor did he shrivel up, or get turned to  
stone. Gout was one healthy demon.   
  
Etrigan grinned toothily.   
  
"Brother demons, as you can plainly see,  
There's no trap here set for thee."   
  
The demons all looked somewhat embarrassed.   
  
"Now gather the pitchforks and let us storm the gates!   
March forward to battle, final victory awaits!"   
  
With a wild battle cry, the hordes of hell stampeded across the  
gates at blazing speed and into the vast fields of Heaven,  
towards the center.   
  
Silver City awaited them.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
John fidgeted uncomfortably, but at least managed to stop  
groaning in pain. It sounded grotesque, but he was beginning to  
get used to the feel of nails through his palms and feet. He was  
also trying to not roll his eyes at the First's soliloquy. Why  
was it that every devil, demon, or angel felt the need to share  
their oh-so-wonderful plans?   
  
"Oh, you might be wondering how Mara managed to get in here,"   
said the First of the Fallen. "Did you know that among her many  
talents is the ability to possess non-living items? You know,  
like rocks, compact discs, or even the inside lining of a shabby  
and worn trenchcoat."   
  
John groaned. Earlier small events made sense now, like the  
constant feeling of being watched, and especially that gust of  
wind that flapped his coat about right before he and Banpei drove  
off to Heaven.   
  
She was with him every step of the way.   
  
"And once she was in, she tossed in a program that would break  
down the barriers of Heaven just enough for Me to break through.   
I'll be checking on the progress of the virus now. Wouldn't do  
if it weren't finished properly, now, would it?"   
  
The First turned away to examine the Yggdrasil. John breathed a  
sigh of relief. He was sure the Devil was going to start tearing  
him apart piece by piece, and wanted to put that fate off as soon  
as possible.   
  
*John! John, are you okay?!*  
  
Constantine blinked. Despite being in pain, he was lucid enough  
to know a telepathic link when he felt one.   
  
*It's me, Skuld!* She sounded frantic. He idly wondered if she'd  
ever seen anyone nailed to a cross before.   
  
John slowly looked around... and spied a mini-Skuld. He blinked.   
  
*I'm okay. Now get outta here, kid, y'can't handle him!*  
  
*Hold on, please? Distract him, keep him talking, but we need  
time to fix the Yggdrasil! I'll be back!*  
  
*I know you will, kid.*  
  
The mini-Skuld seemed to linger a moment, shock and sadness on  
her face as she looked at John's crucified, bloody form.   
  
*Go on,* thought John. *Get outta here. I beat'im before, I'll  
do it again kid. You'll see. Now get outta here.*  
  
*Please John, be careful.*  
  
With a final wave, the mini-Skuld vanished.   
  
John groaned, as fresh pain shot up his arms.   
  
Alone... with the Devil.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Meanwhile, in a nearby room on some terminals, the three sisters  
of Fate were typing on terminals at a frantic pace. Peorth stood  
at the doorway, keeping an eye out for dangers.   
  
"Good Lord, he's tearing down the barriers between Heaven and  
Hell," said Urd.   
  
"I can't get in, he's locked me out!" cried Belldandy in alarm.   
  
"Same here," said Urd. "Skuld?"   
  
"I can't get in either!" shouted Skuld. "What are we going to  
do? We've got to do something!" She shuddered. "And John's in  
terrible danger!"   
  
"These stupid terminals! We need something unattached to the  
network, that could still affect..." Urd muttered.   
  
Skuld blinked. "Wait! My computer down there... it's still  
hooked to the Yggdrasil! It's got an independent CPU so maybe I  
can get time to send some anti-virus programs!"   
  
Urd smiled. "Perfect. Now we need to get to Earth. Time to get  
help to distract the demons so that we can get down there."   
  
Urd started to chant a summoning spell, intending to bring forth  
her angel to aid in the battle, when Peorth stopped her. "No!   
Gorgeous Rose, World of Elegance, Holy Bell, and other angels...  
they're busy trying to drive the Demons from Heaven! We cannot  
summon our angels, not now!"   
  
Urd frowned. "Then what?"   
  
Peorth gave her a steely glare. "We fight ourselves." She  
looked at Skuld. "Quick, get to your computer!"   
  
Belldandy put a hand to Skuld's shoulder. "I will come with  
you."   
  
Skuld nodded.   
  
"All right, let's get moving!" Urd shouted, as she flew down the  
corridor. Peorth followed quickly.   
  
Belldandy looked at Skuld, and nodded quiet encouragement.   
  
Skuld gulped.   
  
This was going to be very very hard.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Distract the First of the Fallen... distract the First of the  
Fallen. How the bloody Hell was he supposed to do that? He was  
pinned down, literally, and the knife that he'd brought was in  
the jacket across the room.   
  
Well, he thought frantically, what've I got left? Harsh  
language?   
  
Aw, sod it. Why not?   
  
"Oi! Arsehole! Get over here!"   
  
"All in due time, Constantine."   
  
"What, busy wanking yourself?"   
  
"You're in no position to talk."   
  
"I've been in position to fuck you over a couple of times, you  
bloody piece of shite."   
  
The First of the Fallen narrowed his eyes. He would take only so  
much verbal abuse. "You know, Constantine, you do have a point.   
You have this annoying knack for pulling something out from your  
ass at the last minute when nobody's looking."   
  
The Devil cracked his knuckles. At the same time, his  
fingernails extended to wicked proportions.   
  
"I'm not going to take My eyes off you this time... and I've been  
waiting for this for a long time."   
  
Oh... oh shite. This, thought John, had better be worth it.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
On the borders of Heaven, the forces of good and evil met. Fiery  
swords and blades of ebony night clashed as angels, devils,  
demons, and deities began to do battle.   
  
"A bit early for Ragnarok, isn't it?" asked Thor as he hammered  
several demons.   
  
"Hey, you getting soft in your old age?" teased Njord, Norse god  
of the wind, seas, and fire.   
  
Not too far away, Raguel scowled. The Norse folk never did show  
proper decorum, and now was no time for levity. With a ferocity  
unmatched by any in Heaven, Raguel and his fiery sword cut  
through the ranks of Hell that dared to cross the barrier between  
the realms.   
  
This, thought Raguel, was surely Constantine's fault!   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"Quick, onee-sama! Skuld exclaimed, as she emerged from a small  
mirror in her room, dragging Belldandy after her.   
  
Skuld smiled, confidence returning as she sat down at her  
computer. Surely, she could...   
  
She blinked, as a 8-legged bug suddenly manifested on top of her  
monitor. It didn't seem like the regular bug. Its eyes glowed  
red, and it was... foaming at the mouth?   
  
"AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"   
  
Belldandy was quick to react, firing a beam at the bug, which  
disintegrated. She looked at Skuld. "Hurry! Whatever the virus  
in the Yggdrasil is doing up there, these bugs are getting  
meaner!"   
  
Rabid bugs. Skuld nodded. Time to get serious.   
  
She got down to serious typing.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"...fifteen..."   
  
-CRACK-  
  
"AAAAGH!"   
  
"...sixteen..."   
  
-CRACK-  
  
"AUUUGH!"   
  
"Tsk, so much noise," said the First of the Fallen calmly. "You  
do realize, we've quite a few more ribs to go. Now...   
seventeen..."   
  
-CRACK-  
  
"AAGH!"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Belldandy fired a beam at a hopping bug. It bounced out of the  
way, and waggled its ears at her, red eyes glaring at her.   
Belldandy frowned, as she picked up Skuld's mallet. She bapped  
the bug delicately, and sighed as the bug crumbled to  
nonexistence. Then she gasped in horror.   
  
More bugs were starting to appear with alacrity in Skuld's room.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"Getting dizzy, Constantine?"   
  
His vision was a helter skelter of blurs and overlapped images,  
up and down, left and right, making his stomach knot.   
  
"Considering that I've ripped your eyeballs out and you're still  
able to see through them, you should be. Here, let Me show you."   
  
John's vision whirled for a moment, until two images, almost  
mirrors of each other, came into focus: a torn eyeball held in a  
bloody hand.   
  
"Now... I'm not usually one to want an audience, but this moment  
is just too good to enjoy alone, Constantine. Therefore, I'm  
going to put your eyes on that thing over there."   
  
His vision whirled once again, coming to a stop at a structure of  
bones, bound together by sinew and skin. With shock, John  
realized that the structure was made of HIS substance, HIS ribs,  
HIS sinews. It seemed exceptionally well-made too, a tripod that  
supported a frame designed to hold two small round objects in  
place atop it. Almost like opera glasses mounted on a stand...   
Oh no. No.   
  
"I set your eyes in _here_," said the Devil, as he attached  
John's eyeballs into the apparatus. "And you can see yourself.   
Interesting effect, isn't it?"   
  
In his shocked and dazed state, John marveled at how much of his  
body wasn't there anymore.   
  
Another part wondered why he wasn't dead yet.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Peorth and Urd flew down the corridors, back towards the  
Yggdrasil.   
  
Suddenly, they skidded to a stop. A large horde of demons faced  
them.   
  
Peorth looked at Urd, who nodded.   
  
Together, they flew at the demons.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"Ah, your friends are on their way back here, it seems," the  
First said, as he slowly dug his hands into John's intestines and  
pulled them out. John watched with an almost detached  
fascination. Such long worms...   
  
"Too bad for them," said the First, as he tugged, and a large  
unidentifiable organ popped out. "It's all over but the  
shouting."   
  
"AIEEEEEEEEEE!"   
  
"Thank you."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Skuld frantically typed. Gods, the virus was spreading rapidly,  
changing and adapting to everything...  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
The First of the Fallen idly examined a pulsating mass of red  
flesh. "Whoever said you were a heartless bastard was entirely  
wrong, Constantine. It's right here, see?" And he held the  
beating heart, splurting out blood, in front of John's eyes.   
  
John tried to scream, but only managed a wet, sickly gurgle,  
choking on the blood rushing down his throat.   
  
"Of course," said the Devil thoughtfully, "now that I've got it  
here I guess you ARE a heartless bastard."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Peorth put a hand to a demon's chest. Light gathered around her  
hand, and then she sent it flying into a wall.   
  
She smiled grimly, and then turned...   
  
Another demon was upon her almost at once.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"Say, you were always quite the heavy drinker, weren't you?"   
  
The First of the Fallen casually ripped out John's liver, held it  
over his mouth, and squeezed. Blood dripped down and into his  
mouth.   
  
"Mmm, yes, I can taste the alcohol. I see you've been at the  
pubs very recently. A very good one. You must take Me there  
some time."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Keiichi screamed as rabid bugs began crawling into his room,  
their eyes glowing an eerie red. He never thought eight-legged  
rabbits could possibly look so savage.   
  
Belldandy heard him, and her heart turned cold.   
  
"Keiichi!"   
  
She dropped Skuld's mallet and concentrated...   
  
A bright light filled the room.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"Oh, by the way, you may feel a real painful sensation somewhere  
in the region of your tackhole. For your information, I've  
decided to give you bowel cancer too."  
  
John gurgled helplessly, trembling from the intense pain.   
  
"And in case you're wondering why you're not dead yet... well...   
I have total control here. You will remain alive, quivering in  
pieces, until sundown, and then in the morning, I will bring you  
back alive, and I will torture you anew. If I smash your skull  
open, tear your brains out and stuff them in your mouth, you'll  
still be feeling every moment. In fact, let Me do that now..."   
  
-CRACK-  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Urd muttered briefly, a quick spell, and threw her arms out. A  
bright energy ball enveloped several demons, and then contracted,  
vanishing into nothingness. She breathed a sigh of relief  
mingled with exhaustion.   
  
"Behind you!" Peorth shouted.   
  
Urd spun around...   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
The First of the Fallen held John's face in his hand,  
contemplating it like an artist would view his finished  
sculpture.  
  
"Physical torture is all well and nice," he said, "but it can  
maim a soul only so far. To know true and complete torment is to  
be crushed in spirit as well as flesh." He slowly pressed a  
long, sharp fingernail into the side of John's head, cutting  
through skin, bones, and brain matter. "Now, let's review the...   
aheh... best of John Constantine, shall we?"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Sweat trickled down Skuld's face. If she only could adapt the  
anti-virus program to change as the virus changed...   
  
And if her eyes wasn't still blinking from Belldandy's sweeping  
the room clean of bugs.   
  
Skuld wiped her forehead. Almost...   
  
NO!   
  
Damn, she needed Belldandy... but Belldandy was gone to rescue  
that idiotic Keiichi.  
  
She rubbed her eyes. Oh, pleasepleaseplease!   
  
Then she slapped her head. Waiiiit. If she sent a worm after  
the virus...   
  
And Skuld resumed her work, typing frantically.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
A sudden slap to the face sent John's senses reeling. He  
stumbled, helplessly, disoriented from the blow. His memory was  
scrambled entirely. Where was he? What happened? How'd he get  
here?  
  
Why did everything look so big?   
  
A shadow engulfed him. John looked up, then froze in fear.   
  
He was home again. He was six years old and home again.   
  
"Yah fuggin' lill shit! I wish ye were DEAD!"   
  
And Father was drunk.   
  
-SLAP- -CRACK-  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Raguel smiled grimly. It looked like the end of all that is.   
Demons were overwhelming the forces of Heaven.   
  
But if Raguel survived this, he vowed, he would be the Avenging  
Angel, the righteous vengeance of destruction.   
  
The Wrath of God, revisited on Hell.   
  
And on John Constantine.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
He was in Hell.   
  
In his mind, John was reeling in confusion. He tried to move, to  
talk, to run, but found himself unable to do anything. He turned  
his head, looking around, and yet it wasn't him that was doing  
it. He was a human puppet acting through a play that seemed  
vaguely familiar.   
  
He felt the invisible strings turn his head around and force his  
mouth into a smug, confident smile, even though he wanted to  
scream.   
  
*No! Not again! No!*  
  
"Take my hand," he heard his voice say. "Trust me."   
  
*No! Don't! Not again! NOT AGAIN!*  
  
An innocent little girl named Astra looked into John's eyes, then  
placed her hand in his.   
  
John's head turned forward again, looking at the gaping maw of  
Hell and the endless rows of nightmarish teeth lining it.   
  
John's mind, meanwhile, was screaming, knowing what was going to  
happen next. Because it had already happened to him. And there  
was nothing John could do to stop the sequence...   
  
They were going to run through the gates of Hell. John would  
make it, while Astra... the gates of Hell would clamp down on her  
arm and pull her back into damnation.   
  
*Stop! Stop! Goddammit, no!*  
  
And then his body took the first step...   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Peorth and Urd were surrounded by salivating demons and devils.   
  
"We're in trouble," Urd muttered.   
  
Peorth smiled grimly. "It was nice knowing you."   
  
And then the demons converged on them.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
It was an endless parade, a pageant of pain, a marionette show of  
disgrace. John relived the darkest moments of his life over and  
over.   
  
Mother dead, because she was pregnant with him.   
  
Astra condemned, because of him.   
  
Father sent to hell, because of him.   
  
Friends dead, because of him.   
  
Lovers dead, because of him.   
  
*Feeling a little... down?* asked the First of the Fallen.   
  
*I...*  
  
*You what? Hm?*  
  
*I want to die... please...*  
  
*Well, John. You'll get no such mercy from Me. We're only  
getting started.*  
  
John's soul twisted and withered, the will to fight drained  
entirely. Hopelessness and despair reigned over his soul.   
  
John Constantine was damned.   
  
*Remember, Constantine... that's only the briefest taste of what  
you shall have.*  
  
No. No. No.   
  
*As much pleasure as this has been, I must remind you... you are  
still alive. Your body lives. By My will.*  
  
Oh God, no.   
  
*God turned His back on you. There is no salvation. There is no  
hope. There is only Me. When you are granted, by My will, that  
final death... you will be damned to Hell... forever.*  
  
No.   
  
And John's mind fled in horror.   
  
*Leaving, John? Ah, we can't have that...*  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
'Pleasepleasepleaseplease hurry!' Skuld thought frantically, as  
she watched the progress...   
  
YESSSSS! GOT IT!   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Suddenly, the Yggdrasil turned dark once more. The First of the  
Fallen scowled, his eyes burning red in the darkness.   
  
"What? No... impossible... what have they done?"   
  
The lights blinked on and off, and finally turned back on all the  
way, this time in an ethereal white. The Devil roared in anger  
and slammed his fist into a control panel. It bounced off, not  
even making a dent.   
  
"NOOOO!"   
  
The First of the Fallen suddenly was lifted in the air, rigid and  
upright, roaring in anger as his body began burning bright azure.   
He was soon reduced to an angry pulsing light, then vanished  
entirely.   
  
Within the control panel, a mini-Skuld suddenly appeared in front  
of the Yggdrasil, smiling happily.   
  
"John! John! We did it! We..."   
  
And then she saw what was left of him.   
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Belldandy was in the hallway, hugging Keiichi close to her, when  
there was a great shriek. They looked at each other, and ran  
into Skuld's room.   
  
Inside, Skuld was kneeling on the floor, shrieking and sobbing.   
Belldandy was immediately at her sister's side, cradling Skuld in  
her arms.   
  
"Skuld? It's all right... the bugs are gone."   
  
"Onee-sama!" Skuld sobbed. She covered her mouth and struggled  
with her stomach for control. Belldandy held her gently and  
tried to soothe her, but had no success as Skuld broke down into  
loud sobs, trembling, hands covering her face, and tears  
streaming down.   
  
Belldandy sighed. What could have caused this?   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Urd and Peorth approached the doors to the Yggdrasil, worn,  
tired, but triumphant.   
  
"Well, that was close," said Urd, taking a moment to lean against  
the wall.   
  
Peorth did likewise, but with an uneven grin. "Fun, though,  
wasn't it?"   
  
"Heh, you're crazy. C'mon, let's see the mess that bastard left  
behind."   
  
Peorth frowned. "You don't suppose the First of the Fallen is  
still in there, do you?"   
  
"Mmm... no. I don't sense him, and he's just got too much power  
to hide himself if he was this close to us. C'mon."   
  
The two goddesses rose once more, entered the room, and froze in  
their tracks.   
  
The room was red, entirely red. Except it was no longer due to  
the lighting. Constantine's blood stained every wall. Red  
chunks of flesh were strewn everywhere, and the bones were strewn  
across the room. The only thing that was recognizable was his  
face.... or, rather, the half of it that was still intact.   
  
Peorth gasped. Urd turned away and closed her eyes.   
  
There was a long silence.   
  
Finally, Urd spoke.   
  
"May God have mercy on his soul."   
  
Peorth stepped closer to the largest chunk, a mess of spine and  
torn muscle drenched in blood.   
  
It twitched.   
  
Peorth's eyes widened in surprise. "May He, indeed. John's  
still alive."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
No pain.   
  
At last. No pain.   
  
He remembered pain, a flicker of a nightmare from somewhere long  
ago. A life. Someone else's life. Surely not his.   
  
Not anymore.   
  
Just peace.   
  
Quiet.   
  
Finally.   
  
Free.   
  
Forever.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Peorth and Urd looked at each other. "Do you think we could...?"   
  
Urd frowned. "I'm not sure. We never tried anything this...  
extreme before."   
  
Peorth sighed. "This is bad. Maybe if we gather all the parts  
up..."   
  
"Yeah."   
  
Urd slowly began the grisly work of gathering the bits of John  
Constantine scattered about the floor. A moment later, she shot  
an irritated glare at Peorth.   
  
"Hey, I could use a little help here."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
The two goddesses looked down at the reassembled body of John  
Constantine.   
  
Actually, that was an exaggeration.   
  
It wasn't so much reassembled as it was piled into a stack.   
  
Most of it, anyway. There were still countless bits and pieces  
everywhere, and there was no way they could get his blood back in  
his body.   
  
Not without magic.   
  
"Ever tried anything like this?" asked Urd.   
  
"No, not really," replied Peorth. "This is definitely going to  
be tough."   
  
Urd nodded. "Oh, definitely. Come on, let's get started."   
  
The two stood at opposite sides of the pile that once was John  
Constantine, with their eyes closed and arms stretched outward.   
  
In perfect synchronicity, they raised their arms up and looked to  
the sky, chanting as one.   
  
"Blood remembers bone,  
The bonds of flesh hold firm,  
Blood of Adam, Flesh of Eve,  
Torn asunder by the Devil's hand,  
Once again gather in human shape!"   
  
Slowly, quiveringly, every part of John Constantine, whether  
solid or fluid, drew close to the main body, and gathered in  
place. Even the blood on the walls flowed and splashed and  
sploshed, gathering at the center of John's body.   
  
The goddesses looked at the result and frowned.   
  
Instead of a pile of flesh, they now had a human jigsaw puzzle,  
jagged bloody lines everywhere.   
  
Urd sighed. Peorth shuddered.   
  
John's ear fell off.   
  
Peorth looked at Urd. "We're going to need a bigger healing  
spell."   
  
"We need Belldandy or Skuld." Urd seemed distracted for a  
moment, then looked to the door. "My sisters should be  
arriving... soon... uh-oh."  
  
Peorth lifted an eyebrow. "Uh-oh?"   
  
"If Skuld sees John like this..."   
  
"Oh dear."   
  
"A sheet, blanket, something!"   
  
"Ah, here! Catch!"   
  
Peorth tossed John's trenchcoat to Urd, who used it to cover his  
remains just as the door opened...   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Belldandy looked in quietly. At the sight of the covered body,  
she gasped. Skuld entered the room, _very_ reluctantly, behind  
Belldandy, clinging to her sister.   
  
"Oh my," was all Belldandy could say. Urd shook her head, as she  
watched Skuld.   
  
Skuld was trembling, both in fear and in shock. Belldandy  
immediately turned, and hugged Skuld.   
  
Urd sighed. "Sis, I think we need your help here."   
  
Belldandy frowned. Raphael had warned her that if the mortal  
Constantine were allowed to access the Yggdrasil, there would be  
dire consequences, but...   
  
But she could not allow the mortal to die, could she?   
  
Belldandy nodded, released Skuld, and walked to join her sister  
and Peorth, forming a triangle around the remains of John  
Constantine.   
  
Skuld watched quietly, tears in her eyes, as the other goddesses  
began to glow, their chanting rising in volume.   
  
"Memory of flesh, blood and bone,  
Return the unity of thy form,  
Knit, merge, flow into one,  
Return once more the form of man!"   
  
Bones knitted, flesh healed and sealed. Peorth cautiously lifted  
the trenchcoat, to examine the body, and then pulled it off. The  
jigsaw puzzle of flesh once again looked like a man.   
  
"Oh my." said Urd.   
  
Belldandy blushed.   
  
Skuld turned red.   
  
Peorth blinked, then looked down. "Oops."   
  
She quickly put the trenchcoat back over the naked man.   
  
"John?" Skuld took a tentative step forward and then ran over  
and kneeled down next to the body. She touched John's face  
carefully. "John? Wake up, John." She shook him gently, then  
frantically as John remained still. "John? John?! Please wake  
up!" She turned to her sisters, panic in her eyes. "Why isn't  
he waking up?!"   
  
Urd put a hand on his forehead and closed her eyes,  
concentrating. The mark on her forehead glowed briefly, then she  
opened her eyes once more.   
  
"He's... gone," she said.   
  
Peorth stared at Urd, stunned. "He's dead?"   
  
Urd shook her head. "No... he's alive, but his soul isn't in the  
body. It's more like he doesn't want to come back. The poor  
guy, he was probably trying to escape any way he could when the  
First of the Fallen was... well..."  
  
There was an awkward, terrible moment of silence, as Skuld put  
her head down and cried on John's chest. Urd gave the other  
goddesses a helpless look.   
  
"Isn't there anything we can do?" asked Peorth.   
  
"Well... someone's going to have to reach out to him. We can  
still use the body to reach his soul, but we might have a hard  
time convincing him to return..."   
  
"I'll go." Belldandy said.   
  
Peorth looked startled. "But..."   
  
Belldandy sighed. "Even if he were to tear asunder the Heavens,  
I can't just stand by and-"   
  
"No."   
  
Everyone blinked, as Skuld spoke again. She looked up from  
John's body with a look of determination.   
  
"I'll go."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
In darkness, he floated adrift, content with oblivion.   
  
Then he felt it, a presence in the void.   
  
Nervously, he tried to flee from it, fearing the pain would  
return.   
  
It called to him, a gentle voice. He hesitated a moment,  
listening to the words.   
  
*John, come back!*  
  
John? Who was John? Was he John?   
  
*John, it's me, Skuld!*  
  
John. Yes. He was John.   
  
*It's time to come home, John, please?*  
  
Home? With Fath-... No. No pain. Didn't want pain.   
  
*John, please! Come back!*  
  
Liked it here. No pain here.   
  
*Come back! Please?*  
  
Don't want to.   
  
*No more pain.*  
  
No more pain?   
  
*No.*  
  
He looked around in the dark void, not sure of what he was  
searching for.   
  
*Please, John! Come back!*  
  
There was a light. Why didn't he see that before? Odd. Slowly,  
he began to drift towards it. As he did, his cognitive senses  
came back to him as well as his memories. The good times... with  
his sister Cheryl and his niece Gemma... out with Chas at a game  
of football... Christmas with the Lord of the Dance... sitting on  
the beach drinking with Brendan, while another sunset fell over  
Ireland...   
  
And then the bad memories hit.   
  
He stopped, staring suspiciously at the distant light.   
  
*John?*  
  
No... it was peaceful here. After so many years of pain and  
regrets, he had found the peace he was always in search of.   
  
*Please, John? We need you. Please?*  
  
Aw bugger. Work's never done.   
  
*Let me take you home, please, John?*  
  
Despite being a non-corporeal form, John managed to sigh. If he  
was visible, though, one would see a bit of a smirk on his face.   
He felt a warmth around him and knew it was Skuld, helping to  
guide him back.   
  
*Go to the light, eh? How very bloody typical. Heh.*  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"She's been gone quite a while," said Belldandy.   
  
Peorth, Urd, and Belldandy were watching Skuld, whose forehead  
mark was glowing, kneel over John, eyes closed in concentration.   
  
"You think she's okay?" asked Urd.   
  
Belldandy nodded. "I can't help but worry, though."   
  
Peorth smiled. "I think she'll be fine."   
  
Suddenly, Skuld blinked, and her forehead mark ceased to glow.   
She smiled.   
  
Seconds later, John blinked awake.   
  
"How're you feeling, John?" Peorth asked.   
  
John stretched. "For a man who was bits and pieces a moment ago,  
not bad."   
  
He sat up, then blinked. "It's kinda drafty in here."   
  
Skuld and Belldandy blushed again.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
After some hastily conjured trousers and a shirt, John was able  
to stand up and look around, although he was still groggy, and  
Skuld had to help him put on his trenchcoat.   
  
John looked down at Skuld as he leaned on her for support. "You  
did it, eh, luv?"   
  
Skuld beamed proudly.   
  
"Good girl," John smiled.   
  
Peorth ahemed. "That's all well and good, but... what about the  
Yggdrasil?"   
  
John turned to Skuld. "Well, now... let's see about fixing it.   
How does that bloody thing work? Do you just push a few buttons  
and tell it to do something or what?"   
  
"Oh, let me show you!"   
  
Skuld let go of John, who stumbled a bit before being caught by  
Belldandy. Peorth was at John's side quickly, and took over  
supporting him, as Belldandy joined Urd and Skuld in turning to  
the Yggdrasil and going over the control panels.   
  
In seconds, lights blinked rapidly, as the Norn sisters got to  
work.   
  
Skuld turned her head to John as she typed rapidly. "See, the  
Yggdrasil works like this..."   
  
Suddenly, the doors to the Yggdrasil burst open. Raguel strode  
into the room, followed by the rest of the Archangels. Raphael  
was among them, looking as nervous as could be.   
  
"CONSTAAAANTIIINE!" Raguel bellowed, as he stormed purposefully  
towards John. He thrust his flaming sword at Constantine, as the  
other Archangels surrounded the goddesses.   
  
"You... you've defiled the sanctity of the Heavens,  
Constantine... you and your Norse goddesses! Together, you've  
managed to turn the Heavens themselves upside down. If ever a  
mortal deserved the flaming blazes of Hell, it would be YOU, John  
Constantine! To tamper with the Yggdrasil...!" And he jerked up  
the sword and pointed it at John's face, eyes ablaze in righteous  
rage.   
  
Unfazed, John crossed his arms and traded harsh glares with the  
Archangel. Things, in his view, were just dandy. After all, he  
had a plan. "And... this is justice to you, I suppose?"   
  
Raguel stopped in his tracks, clearly taken by surprise at the  
cowering that John wasn't doing. That just was not right. He  
pointed his flaming sword, and mortals cowered. That's the way  
it usually worked. Meanwhile, the goddesses were staring at the  
confrontation with much surprise. It seemed, somehow, that John  
had things under control, though none of them could really say  
why.   
  
"Of course this is justice!" roared Raguel. "Unapproved  
tampering of the Yggdrasil is forbidden!"   
  
Now would have been a good time to blow smoke in Raguel's face,  
but, much to his chagrin, John didn't have a cigarette available.   
Instead, he settled for rolling his eyes up. "Oh please. You're  
hardly one to talk about justice."   
  
"What? You dare-"   
  
"Yeah I dare," said Constantine with scorn. "I bet you'd turn  
the other way if it was anyone else."   
  
"I am the Wrath of God!" bellowed Raguel. "I exact His vengeance  
unto all, be they demons or deities!"   
  
John grinned as he cast a look at Raphael, who fidgeted  
uncomfortably. "Even, say, Archangels?"   
  
"Yes!"   
  
Raguel was fiery with anger. Raphael was edging away nervously.   
John's smile became a little vicious.   
  
"Well, now, Raggy, I think you should know-"   
  
Raphael quickly stepped forward and cut in. "Raguel, would you  
please let me talk to the mortal?"  
  
Raguel turned towards Raphael, eyes blazing. "_What?_"   
  
Raphael looked down. "I mean... ah... I am the overseer of  
humanity.. and... ah... this falls into my domain... somewhat...  
er.. and... I believe I can get to the bottom of the truth.   
Allow me some time to talk to Constantine."  
  
Raguel gave Raphael an uncertain and skeptical look, then nodded.   
"Very well."   
  
"Er... alone."   
  
"What?" all the other Archangels spoke in chorus. John grinned.   
Oh, he definitely had Raphael by the bollocks.   
  
Raguel, at this point, looked very unhappy. "Very well, Raphael.   
As you like."   
  
No sooner had Raguel spoken the words than Raphael and John  
vanished from sight. Raguel nodded to the other Archangels and  
they filed out of the room, leaving the goddesses alone in the  
Yggdrasil and wondering what was to happen next.   
  
Peorth sighed. "Now what?"   
  
Skuld piped up. "We've got to fix the Yggdrasil."   
  
"Oh. Then I should be going. Ta-ta!" And Peorth vanished.   
  
Belldandy began to tidy up and get to work, as Skuld turned her  
attention to the Yggdrasil.   
  
Urd put her hands behind her head. "Typical. The men leave us  
to do the clean-up."   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
They were surrounded by nothing.   
  
To the left, a vast expanse of nothing, and to the right, a  
claustrophobic mess of nothing. Nothing spiraled below them for  
infinity and nothing was drifting by above them.   
  
"Lemme guess," said John dryly. "Limbo."   
  
Raphael, looking somewhat defeated, sighed and nodded.   
  
John rubbed his chin and hmmed. "Y'know, looking back on all  
this, I still don't see why the bloody Phantom Stranger figured  
me to be necessary. It's put me in a nice spot, yes, but I think  
the whole bloody situation would've resolved itself without me."   
  
Raphael shrugged.   
  
"My sentiments exactly," John grumbled.   
  
"What... what do you intend to do?" asked Raphael.   
  
"Well now," said John merrily, clasping his hands together,  
"surely you know what kind of a situation you're in, hm?"   
  
Raphael closed his eyes and bowed his head low. "Yes," he said  
quietly, "I know."   
  
"And you KNOW what I could do if I wanted to."   
  
"Please... I don't want to fall. Please."   
  
"Don't worry. I have plans for you."   
  
"That doesn't help my state of mind."   
  
John laughed. "No, considering my track record, I suppose it  
wouldn't, eh? Oh, you'll owe me, Raphael, and owe me big.   
You're mine now, but I think you'll agree it's better than the  
alternative, hm?"   
  
"But Raguel and the others..."   
  
"Oh, don't worry," said John in a mock-soothing manner, "your old  
pal John has a plan, and it won't even involve any lies."   
  
Raphael looked at John doubtfully.   
  
"What?" asked John. "You don't believe me?"   
  
"I was just wondering how..."   
  
"Heh, easy. S'called judicious editing, old son. For example, I  
would be telling the truth if I said that the demoness Mara had  
arranged it so that Skuld and I had thought something was wrong  
with the Yggdrasil, thus forcing us to take action..."  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"... and the two had come to Yggdrasil believing it corrupted,  
when actually Mara was using them to gain entry. She, in turn,  
caused the system to fault in such a way as to grant entry to the  
First of the Fallen. So as you see, my brothers, they were  
merely the pawns of others." Raphael nervously smiled at his  
fellow Archangels in the Tribunal Courtroom, hoping that the  
others would not question the story further. Technically, he WAS  
telling the truth. He was, as John instructed, just leaving out  
a few details.  
  
There was a moment of silence.   
  
Most of the Archangels seemed blank in their response, neither  
eagerly accepting nor disbelieving Raphael's story.   
  
Raguel, however, was frowning. It was known that he was looking  
forward to smiting Constantine. "This is the truth, Raphael?"   
  
The Archangel nodded, trying to stay calm.   
  
"And in your opinion, the matter is closed?" asked Raguel,  
gritting his teeth.   
  
Raphael nodded again.   
  
There was another moment of silence. Raguel seemed to be  
growling ever so slightly.   
  
"Very well," said Raguel.   
  
Raphael inwardly sighed in relief, and the Archangels all  
departed to other destinations and obligations. Soon, the room  
was empty, save one brooding, irritated archangel.   
  
"One day, Constantine will slip. And when he does, I'll be  
there," the Archangel Raguel, the Vengeance of the Lord, swore.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Skuld worked alone in the Yggdrasil, looking over the system to  
make sure all was well and in place. Belldandy and Urd had done  
their jobs, rebuilding what had been torn asunder, and had  
departed for earth once more.   
  
The littlest goddess found that work was just the thing to  
distract her troubled mind. A part of her was feeling guilty for  
what happened to John. With the whirlwind of events that  
happened after his resurrection, she hadn't had a chance talk to  
him at all yet.   
  
Lines of code flickered past at inhuman speed. Skuld looked at  
it all, numbly noting that all was well. Another part of her,  
however, still had her mind on other things. She sighed.   
  
"John, where are you?"   
  
"Right here, luv. What's up?"   
  
"EEEEK!" Skuld jumped straight up in shock and nearly malleted  
John, who was clearly amused at Skuld's reaction. She pouted and  
harmlessly bapped his arm while John grinned and laughed a bit.   
  
"Where have you been?!" she demanded to know.   
  
John shrugged. "Oh, me'n Raphael just had a bit of a talk. No  
big deal."   
  
"So you're not in trouble with the Archangels?"   
  
"Raguel might be a bit miffed for a while, but otherwise I think  
I'm in the clear. Besides, Raphael left me in your care."   
  
"Oh." Skuld paused, not sure what to say next, twiddling her  
thumbs and looking at the floor. "Um... John... I..."   
  
"Hey, something bothering you kid?"   
  
"I'm... I'm sorry about... um..."   
  
"Oh. Hey, chin up, luv. I'm all right now, aren't I?   
Everything came out well in the end, didn't it?"  
  
Skuld nodded, still looking at the ground. A hint of a tear  
appeared in the corner of an eye and she sniffled.   
  
"And besides, I've had worse," said John nonchalantly. He lifted  
Skuld's chin up and looked her in the eye, smiling. "The good  
guys won, evil has been defeated, and all is well. So  
everything's fine, see?"  
  
She smiled, though her eyes still looked sad, and nodded.   
  
"So hey, give us a hug. *OOF*"   
  
She hugged him tightly, sobbing into his trenchcoat while he held  
her and occasionally patted her on the back.   
  
  
-*-  
  
  
A little later, after Skuld had finished crying, she and John sat  
behind the console of the mighty Yggdrasil. Skuld was once again  
looking things over. She sat back and sighed.   
  
Something was bothering Skuld.   
  
-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-  
  
It wasn't the chore of inspecting code.   
  
-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-  
  
It wasn't even the lingering memory of John's mauled remains.   
  
-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-  
  
She spun around to face John. "STOP IT!"   
  
He smiled apologetically and ceased tapping the floor with his  
foot. "Sorry, luv. I'm just a bit edgy without me cigarettes."   
  
"Oh. Is that why?" She typed something briefly in the Yggdrasil  
console, which promptly spat out something small and white. She  
then took that...   
  
*WHAP*  
  
"Oi!"   
  
... and slapped it on John's forehead.   
  
"What's this bloody thing?" he demanded to know, rubbing the  
circular object stuck on his forehead.  
  
"Nicotine patch," said Skuld. "It's much healthier than smoking,  
you know."   
  
"Nicotine patch?!" John pulled it off immediately as if it were  
a leech. "Bollocks. Frig this."   
  
Skuld gave him a disapproving note, to which he reacted with a  
sigh and a lazy wave of his hand. "Yeah yeah, I know, shouldn't  
say frig."   
  
Skuld went back to inspecting the Yggdrasil for defects, while  
John idly sat by once more.   
  
-tap-tap-tap-  
  
*AHEM*  
  
"Fine, I'll put the bloody patch on."   
  
He hated to admit it, but he did feel better, if only a little.   
  
"Say... Skuld..."   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"I was wondering if you could do yer uncle John a bit of a  
favor."   
  
Skuld blinked. "Favor?"   
  
"Well, you never know when some big mess with the Yggdrasil might  
pop up again," said John with much concern. "I just thought it  
would be nice if you could make a few changes here and there."   
  
"Changes?"   
  
"Well, first of all, if you could... oh... I dunno... maybe make  
a back door into this place just for me?"   
  
"I dunno..."   
  
"C'mon, luv," said John, "surely you can let me have that favor."   
  
"Well... maybe... okay, I guess."   
  
John grinned. "While we're on the topic of changes, there's a  
few other little things you might want to consider..."   
  
"Oh?"   
  
"I mean, they're just ideas... you don't have to..."   
  
"Oh, I want to hear them," said Skuld enthusiastically.   
  
"Really?"   
  
Skuld nodded.   
  
John grinned.   
  
"I think," he said, "this is the start of a beautiful  
friendship."   
  
  
-= end part 3 =-  
  



	5. Epilogue: A Better Tomorrow

"See, it's a bit nerve wracking, being the universal crash test  
dummy. I can feel the gods' delight as they sort through their  
collection of interesting problems to present to me. I can almost  
hear their joyful shouts as they get ready to shove the next one  
right up my arse. So why me, exactly?"  
  
-John Constantine,  
"John Constantine: Hellblazer"  
  
-*-  
  
David Tai & Rod M.  
present...  
  
Dire Fates  
A John Constantine: Hellblazer  
Ah! My Goddess!  
Crossover  
  
Epilogue: "A Better Tomorrow"  
  
-*-  
  
EPILOGUE 1  
  
IN HELL  
  
-*-  
  
"So, Mara, how'd it go?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Mara?"  
  
"Go ahead, Ellie. Say it."  
  
The succubus patted the demoness on the shoulder. "I told you  
so."  
  
Mara sighed, melancholy tainting her features as she sat down on  
the solitary island in the eternal flames of Hell that was  
Ellie's hideaway.  
  
Ellie took a seat next to her, leaned on Mara and rested her head  
on her shoulder. "If it makes you feel any better, I know exactly  
how you feel."  
  
"Y'know, I almost got away with it," said Mara sadly. "If only  
the boss didn't find out..."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I gotta say," said Mara, "Raphael's bit in this was a real  
surprise."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Wonder why he hasn't been kicked out yet."  
  
Ellie shrugged. "Who knows? The way those those bastards are,  
they probably covered his tracks."  
  
"Yeah. Bastards."  
  
A distant echo of a roar was heard by both.  
  
"He throwing a tantrum again?" asked Ellie.  
  
Mara nodded.  
  
"How bad?" asked Ellie.  
  
"About two hundred demons are, at this moment, discovering how it  
feels to be chihuahuas in Hell."  
  
"Ouch."  
  
"The infernal city of Dis, at the moment, consists of lots of  
wreckage, two pillars, and Beezelbub's basement."  
  
Ellie tsked. "The boss never did take defeat very well."  
  
"No, I guess not."  
  
The two sat in silence for the longest time, frowning upon their  
misfortunes. Then Ellie elbowed Mara.  
  
"Hey, you shouldn't stay here, y'know. Go out, have some laughs,  
tempt some mortals. All this concern you're showing is  
un-demonlike."  
  
Mara smirked. "Heh, who said I was concerned for you? I'm  
hiding from the boss until he calms down."  
  
Ellie laughed. "Oh, of course, of course. Seriously, get outta  
here. Go have some fun. Tempt a few mortals. Start a brawl in  
a bar or something."  
  
"What about you?" asked Mara.  
  
"I'll be fine," said Ellie. "I just might have a new hiding  
place soon, anyway. The atmosphere 'round here is starting to  
depress me."  
  
-*-  
  
EPILOGUE 2  
  
THE MORTAL PLANE  
  
-*-  
  
He'd just helped defeat the hoards of the Devil, and blew smoke  
in the face of the Archangels all in one day.  
  
Where, one would wonder, would John Constantine go after having a  
day like that?  
  
"To a pub!" he would say. And that's exactly what he did.  
  
-*-  
  
"Oi!"  
  
The Lord of the Dance looked up from behind the bar and grinned  
as a certain trenchcoat-clad rogue entered his pub. "John!  
How've you been, my son?  
  
John sauntered up to the bar, happily puffing on a cigarette, and  
settled in. "Interesting times, mate. Interesting times. Give  
us a lager, hm?"  
  
"Right! One lager coming up."  
  
While waiting for his drink, John took some time to look around  
the Arcadian's bar. A handful of nondescript people were  
relaxing in cozy corners of the place. Aside from one woman, who  
was at the moment face-down with her hair hiding her features,  
John had the bar to himself. He grinned to himself as he sat  
down. Really blitzed girl, she was.  
  
Hold on a minute.  
  
Something was nagging him. Something about the girl...  
  
John slowly reached toward the girl, intending to move aside the  
long strands of blond hair and see just who was under there. The  
Lord of the Dance, arriving with a large and full mug, seemed a  
bit worried as he put the drink down.  
  
"Er, John, I wouldn't bother her..."  
  
He did.  
  
"Bloody Hell!"  
  
Mara rose with a groggy, drunk expression on her face. "Ah...  
whadafugyawant..."  
  
"Well, you've some nerve, after the stunt you pulled," said John  
testily. "I ought to-"  
  
A hand on John's arm caused him to pause in his rant. The  
Arcadian said softly, "John, if y'don't mind... I'd rather not  
have any scenes in my place."  
  
John glared at the Arcadian for a moment, then sighed and sat  
back down. Mara did likewise, but skipped the part about glaring  
and just settled in for a nap, her features once again hidden by  
her hair.  
  
The Arcadian, seeing the situation diffused, leaned on the bar  
across from John and grinned. "So, had yourself a bit of an  
adventure?"  
  
"Yeah, and she was part of the reason why," said John, pointing a  
thumb at the now unconscious demoness. He then related the  
events of the days, beginning with Mara, through the bit about  
the Archangels (which John seemed to enjoy telling greatly), and  
ending with the grand achievement he did with the Yggdrasil.  
  
The Arcadian sighed. "First you went and pissed off the big  
bastard downstairs. That was bad enough. Now you've got people  
up there furious."  
  
"As if they were happy with me to begin with?"  
  
"Good point."  
  
John grinned. "Amazing, aren't I?"  
  
The Arcadian laughed and shook his head. "Here's to your luck,"  
he said, raising a glass of his own.  
  
"Heh, cheers."  
  
In mid-toast, the door opened. A bell attached to the door  
distracted the two with its chime.  
  
The Arcadian smiled. "Urd! Come over here'n join us."  
  
"Well, fancy meeting you here," said John.  
  
Urd, with a neutral expression, took a seat next to John, not  
noticing the demoness on the other side. As she approached, Urd  
frowned and looked around, as if expecting someone else.  
  
*Odd... if I didn't know better, I'd think Mara was around here,*  
she thought to herself.  
  
"Hello, Constantine, Arcadian."  
  
"Drink?" asked the Arcadian.  
  
"Hrm... Martini, dry, on the rocks."  
  
"Right."  
  
John gave her a wary sideward glance. "What brings you to merry  
old England, hm?"  
  
"Actually, you did."  
  
"I'm touched," he replied, smirking.  
  
Urd narrowed her eyes. "Oh, shut up. Constantine... I know  
you've made friends with Skuld. She seems to think highly of  
you, y'know."  
  
"Issatso?"  
  
"I just came by to let you know... if you do _anything_ to hurt  
her, I'll tear you apart."  
  
"Sheesh. A man gets crucified and killed so's you can live and  
this is the thanks he gets?" He paused for a moment. There  
seemed to be something odd about that statement...  
  
Urd just smirked.  
  
The door chimed once more as it swung open and two more people  
stepped in.  
  
"See? I told you he'd be here," said Peorth smugly.  
  
"Hi, John!" Skuld waved and scampered over to him.  
  
"What is this, a bloody reunion?" asked John amusedly. He  
ruffled Skuld's hair in greeting.  
  
"Whazanoizeere," mumbled Mara, rising up and giving everyone a  
bleary, uneven, half-asleep look.  
  
John thought about it.  
  
This, he felt, had the potential to get ugly.  
  
"YOU!" Urd got up, shoving John aside, and grabbed Mara by the  
shirt. "Why I oughta..."  
  
"Uuurd? S'aaaat you?" asked the demoness unevenly.  
  
Urd frowned. "Ugh, you're drunk." Definitely drunk. She  
couldn't get properly mad at Mara when she was drunk. It wasn't  
quite right.  
  
"Heyaaa, Uuuurd," continued Mara, looking a little cheerful.  
"Lisss... lissen, about wha'appened er'lier..."  
  
"Yeah, what?" snapped Urd.  
  
"Look... s'wasn't what... s'wasn't what I was plannin'to do...  
y'know?"  
  
"Sure it wasn't," replied Urd sarcastically.  
  
"I jus... jus..." Mara frowned and hung her head low. "I miss...  
th'old days, Urd," she said sadly. "I miss you."  
  
Urd's features softened, although only a little.  
  
"Dammit, Mara," grumbled Urd, her voice a little uneven.  
  
Mara sniffled.  
  
Urd looked baffled.  
  
Suddenly, Mara rushed towards Urd and...  
  
"WAAAAAH!"  
  
... started crying her eyes out, hugging her tightly.  
  
"Er... hey... c'mon, cut it out," said Urd, not at all sure how  
to deal with the situation. Mara sniffled for a while, holding  
tightly onto Urd, the others standing around them and watching.  
This was embarrassing.  
  
"I jus... jus'wanned t'make it bettr... make't RIGHT! Miss you'n  
Ell... why's things gotta be *hic* like'is?"  
  
"C'mon, Mara, snap outta it," grumbled Urd.  
  
"Don'cha miss th'good ol days? Huh?"  
  
"Dammit, Mara..." Urd tried to summon some of the anger she had  
felt earlier, but somehow, memories of the good times they had  
together in their youth distracted her.  
  
Finally, she took a hold of Mara's shoulders and pushed her  
gently away, a sad smile on her face. "Let's just have a drink  
and forget about it, okay? Hey, can we have some glasses and a  
bottle of whiskey here?" The Lord of the Dance quickly handed  
Urd the bottle and glasses.  
  
Urd glared around briefly. Everyone else quickly found something  
else interesting to do, although John had a smirk on his face as  
he turned to his drink.  
  
"C'mon, Mara..." Urd said, as she led Mara away to a table.  
  
John grinned, then blinked as Skuld bounced up onto a stool on  
his left, and Peorth took a seat to his right.  
  
"Care for a drink, ladies?" asked the Lord of the Dance.  
  
"Pina Colada, dearie?" asked Peorth.  
  
"Hot Chocolate, please?" asked Skuld  
  
"Right, once Pina Colada, one Hot Chocolate coming right up."  
  
Meanwhile, John was busy examining Peorth and Skuld. He looked  
to one, then the other, and looked a bit puzzled.  
  
"Something on your mind, Johnny?" asked Peorth, leaning casually  
on his shoulder. Skuld narrowed her eyes at Peorth's actions and  
took hold of John's arm in retaliation.  
  
"Yeah, luv, there is. You two look like sisters or something,  
y'know?"  
  
Peorth blinked, surprised. "We do?"  
  
"We do not!" protested Skuld.  
  
Peorth opened her mouth add some lines to the debate, but was  
suddenly distracted the mark on her forehead suddenly glowed for  
a moment.  
  
"Oh, excuse me," she said, "I'm being paged. Hey Arcadian, got a  
phone?"  
  
"By the restrooms, m'lady."  
  
"I'll be back in a sec," said Peorth, giving John a quick peck on  
the cheek before departing.  
  
"We don't look alike at all," huffed Skuld.  
  
"Who knows, kid, y'just might grow up to be more cute than her."  
  
She blushed, a tiny smile on her face. "You really think so?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, sure."  
  
This made Skuld smile even more, and she happily clung to his arm  
while he finished off his drink.  
  
"So what're you going to do now, John?" Skuld asked, looking up  
at him.  
  
John shrugged. "No idea, kid. Y'never know what the future  
holds."  
  
"Oh." Skuld frowned.  
  
John cast Skuld a look, then smiled. "But I'll tell you one  
thing. If the future is a sharp, smart, cute girl like yourself  
that won't back down to bastards, never quits, and has a heart'a  
gold, I think we're in for a better tomorrow."  
  
Skuld blushed a very notable shade of red, and she tried to hide  
it by looking away. She couldn't, as much as she tried, to wipe  
the huge smile from her face.  
  
The entrance bell chimed once more as the door opened yet again.  
This time, a mysterious man, wrapped in a dark cloak, his face  
partially hidden by a wide brimmed fedora hat, stepped in.  
  
Skuld waved. John scowled.  
  
"Hi Mr. Phantom Stranger!" said Skuld cheerily.  
  
"Oh, _you_," said John derisively.  
  
"Good evening, Skuld, John Constantine." He took the seat  
recently vacated by Peorth.  
  
"I've been meaning to talk to you," said John. "I wanna know,  
why was I so important to this? The way I see it, that bastard  
down below wouldn't have been able to get in if it hadn't been for  
me getting there."  
  
"If you had not been involved, Constantine, many things could  
have gone wrong. The goddesses would not think to check the  
Yggdrasil until Raphael had caused catastrophies of a tremendous  
scale. Or, possibly, Mara would have come up with an alternate  
way to break into the Yggdrasil and wrestle control from Raphael.  
There are these possibilities and more."  
  
"Oh, I see. So instead, you decided having the First of the  
Fallen rampage in the very center of Heaven was a much safer  
alternative."  
  
"All ended well."  
  
"You're not the one that'll be having bloody nightmares for  
weeks," grumbled John.  
  
"There is a price for every victory, John Constantine."  
  
John rolled his eyes up and went back to finishing off his drink,  
then paused. He stared at a spot on the Phantom Stranger's cloak  
for a moment, turned away, then stared again.  
  
"Hey mate, s'that an ice cream stain on you?"  
  
The Phantom Stranger, for once, seemed surprised. He looked down  
and frowned. "Why yes, indeed it is."  
  
John blinked. "Er... right."  
  
The mark on Skuld's forehead began to flicker, causing her to  
frown. "Oh, not now!" she cried.  
  
"Being paged?" asked John.  
  
"No, summoned. I've gotta go, John."  
  
"Be seeing you, kid. Be good, eh?"  
  
"Um... can I visit you again, John?" asked Skuld shyly.  
  
"Hm? Oh, any time, kid. Any time."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
"Thanks! Bye!" Skuld gave John a quick hug and a peck on the  
cheek, then dove into her hot chocolate and disappeared.  
  
"Still think it's a weird way to travel," muttered John. He  
rubbed his cheek where Skuld kissed him, looking contemplative.  
  
"A kiss from a goddess. Hrm. That's sure to be good luck,  
innit?"  
  
"In some cultures, yes," replied the Phantom Stranger.  
  
"Big help YOU are."  
  
For a while, he stared at the empty contents of his glass, then  
he stood up and stretched. "I think I'd better be going too.  
Later, mates," he said to the Lord of the Dance and the Phantom  
Stranger, then stood up and headed outside.  
  
Once he was outside, he heard a voice calling after him. He  
turned to look at Peorth.  
  
Peorth laughed. "Sneaking out without saying goodbye, John?"  
  
John shrugged as he lit a cigarette. "What can I say? I was  
never big on goodbyes. Just... see ya later."  
  
Peorth smiled. "Good fortune, John Constantine. With luck, you  
might be seeing me again soon."  
  
John smirked. "If not, we'll always have Silver City."  
  
And with a nod and a wink, John Constantine disappeared into the  
London night, cigarette smoke swirling all about him.  
  
Peorth shook her head and smiled. Oh yes, a crazy mortal,  
indeed.  
  
-*-  
  
What, wondered Keiichi, was she doing? From within the doors of  
their temple abode, he looked at Belldandy. She was, at the  
moment, standing in the middle of the courtyard, looking up into  
the night sky.  
  
There was something disturbing her, he could tell. Ever since  
her return from the heavens, she'd been subdued and melancholy.  
She hadn't told him what was bothering her and always seemed to  
evade the topic when he tried to ask.  
  
"Bell-chan?"  
  
Belldandy turned away from the stars and looked at Keiichi for a  
moment. She smiled.  
  
"I'll be inside in a moment, Keiichi," she said apologetically.  
  
"Bell-chan, are you okay?"  
  
She turned her eyes back to the heavens, then answered, "Yes,  
Keiichi-san, I am." She turned to him once more and tried to  
give him a reassuring smile. "I'm just... thinking."  
  
"Well... okay." Not knowing what else to do, Keiichi left  
Belldandy to her thoughts.  
  
Her thoughts, at that moment, were those of guilt and fear. She  
knew now that the message from the Yggdrasil, the terrible threat  
of losing Keiichi, was a result of Raphael's meddling.  
  
That didn't mean, however, that they were false. The Yggdrasil  
didn't generate lies. It generated possibilities, and all those  
possibilities were just that, possibilities.  
  
She had almost joined with Raphael in his mad quest, rebelling  
against the rules of Heaven, all for Keiichi. She'd actually,  
for a brief moment, considered allowing a mortal to die, for  
Keiichi.  
  
There was a risk of their contract being voided, since the  
Yggdrasil had been tampered with. Or worse, they might view  
Keiichi's involvement with her as a distraction to her duty. She  
knew there were other ways to fulfill his wish, ways that would  
also seperate her from him. After all, he didn't wish for HER to  
stay with him... only a girl like her.  
  
There were all these terrible possibilities and more, all given  
to her by the Yggdrasil, leaving a cold scar of fear in her soul.  
  
She didn't want to leave Keiichi.  
  
She loved him.  
  
Belldandy sighed and returned to the temple, in search of her  
beloved. She found him asleep in his room, and sat by his side,  
gazing lovingly at his face. Occasionally she would stroke his  
cheek or run her hands through his hair.  
  
"Mmm... Bell-chan?"  
  
"Sorry, Keiichi-san. I didn't mean to wake you."  
  
Keiichi sat up slowly, then took her hand. "Bell-chan... are  
you sure you're okay?"  
  
"Yes, I..."  
  
"Bell-chan?"  
  
"Just... hold me."  
  
Belldandy held on to Keiichi as they settled onto the bed. Her  
head rested against his chest and her eyes were closed. This,  
she thought, is how she wanted to feel forever.  
  
*RIIIIIING*  
  
Belldandy's eyes widened in fear. Please, Lord, no...  
  
*RIIIIIING*  
  
Keiichi frowned. "Who's calling at this time of-"  
  
"Don't answer it, please?" asked Belldandy, a tone of urgency  
in her voice.  
  
*RIIIIIING*  
  
"Bell-chan?"  
  
*RIIIIIING*  
  
"Please, don't answer it, Keiichi-san. Don't leave me."  
  
*RIIIIIING*  
  
"I won't leave you, Bell-chan, I promise."  
  
*RIIII-*  
  
-*-  
  
EPILOGUE 3  
  
HEAVEN  
  
-*-  
  
Skuld silently worked, looking a little disturbed despite being  
deeply into her task.  
  
IS SOMETHING DISTURBING YOU?  
  
"Well... yes," said Skuld reluctantly. "I was thinking about  
Earth. We... well, we have the power to make Earth a paradise  
again, right? We could clean up pollution, end starvation, and  
make everything right. Why don't we?"  
  
WOULD PUTTING A HALT TO WAR END THE HATE IN THEIR HEARTS? WOULD  
CLEANSING THE EARTH STOP THEIR MACHINES FROM POLLUTING? MY  
CHILDREN WOULD NEVER LEARN IF I WERE TO CLEAN UP AFTER THEIR  
EVERY MISTAKE. I DO NOT WISH TO REBOOT THE YGGDRASIL AND START  
ANEW. THEY MUST LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ERRORS, AND  
HOPEFULLY LEARN. THEY HAVE THE POTENTIAL.  
  
Skuld thought about it for a bit, then nodded. "Oh... well...  
okay." Then she resumed her work on the Yggdrasil. "Um... do we  
have to get rid of the changes John made?" asked Skuld.  
  
YES.  
  
Skuld sighed. John wouldn't be happy to hear about this, but she  
really couldn't argue when it was HIS command.  
  
At one line of code, she paused. It was one of the lines John  
had encouraged her to add. It was, basically, unlimited amounts  
of ice cream available to Skuld at any time and any place.  
  
Ouch. She really didn't want to delete that...  
  
"Um, can we keep this line? Pleeeeeeease?"  
  
WELL, I DON'T KNOW....  
  
-= end Dire Fates =-  
  
.  
  
[fadeout]  
  
.  
  
.  
  
RICH THE PUNK strolls on screen.  
  
RICH  
"OI! ROLL THE BLOODY EFFIN' CREDITS!"  
  
-*-  
  
( Far end of the LORD OF THE DANCE's pub. There is a stage  
with a platform raised, two microphones, two stools, and  
a teleprompter device mounted to it.  
  
From the bar, the LORD OF THE DANCE and a burly MAN  
wearing viking garb gaze at it. The man is drinking an  
incredibly large bottle of alcohol. A few chairs down,  
the PHANTOM STRANGER is partaking of some Evian spring  
water. )  
  
MAN  
What is that supposed to be, my friend?  
  
LORD OF THE DANCE  
Something Urd told me about, Thor. Supposed to  
be big in Japan. It's called... er... karaokie...  
um... karokey... karoopey... er... karaken?  
  
( URD and MARA, both clearly drunk, take the seats at the  
stage and test the microphones. )  
  
THOR  
Kraken?  
  
LORD OF THE DANCE  
No, that's the big squid thing. Ah, I remember!  
'Karaoke'.  
  
THOR  
Karaoke? What does that mean?  
  
LORD OF THE DANCE  
Bugger if I know.  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
PLOTS  
David Tai  
Rod M.  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
LORD OF THE DANCE  
Oh dear. I think Urd and Mara are about to sing.  
  
THOR  
Urd? AND Mara? Ye Gods.  
  
PHANTOM STRANGER  
Good night, gentlemen. I am... needed elsewhere.  
  
(PHANTOM STRANGER exits)  
  
( MARA and URD strain to read the teleprompter. After a  
while, Urd scowls. )  
  
URD  
Awww... fuggg thissss craaap.  
  
( URD points a finger at the nearby jukebox  
and it begins playing. )  
  
MARA  
Heyyy, I luv thisss'n.  
  
URD  
IIIIIII know! Tha's why I picked it!  
  
MARA  
Aaaaan'how'd YOU know?  
  
URD  
'Cause I'm a GODDESS!  
  
BOTH  
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
AH MY GODDESS CONTINUITY STAFF  
David Tai  
Patrick Vera  
Zack Seaholm  
Christian Bremer  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
MARA  
o/~ They saaaaay we're young and we don't knooooow o/~  
o/~ Won't find out until we grooooow. o/~  
  
URD  
o/~ Well I don't know, baybeee, if that's true o/~  
o/~ 'cause 'u got me and, baaaybeee, I got 'uuuu o/~  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
JOHN CONSTANTINE CONTINUITY STAFF  
Rod M.  
Terry Johnson  
Kurt Stoskopf  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
MARA & URD  
o/~ Babe... I got 'u babe o/~  
o/~ I got 'u baaaaybe! o/~  
  
THOR  
Perhaps karaoke means 'infernal singing'?  
  
LORD OF THE DANCE  
Perhaps, perhaps...  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
MISC. EDITORIAL ADVISING  
Mike Loader  
Jeffrey Hosmer  
Tim Miller  
Paul Corrigan  
TJ Griesenbrock  
Foxtrot  
Marc  
The FFML Lads and Ladies  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
MARA  
o/~ They say our love won't pay the rent o/~  
o/~ B'fore it's earned, our money's always spent o/~  
  
URD  
o/~ I guess that's soo, we dont'ave a lot o/~  
o/~ But at least I'm sure of all the things I've goooot o/~  
  
URD & MARA  
o/~ Babe... I got you baaaaaybe! o/~  
o/~ Yeah I got you babe! o/~  
  
THOR  
You know, after a few bottles of vodka, they sound  
pretty good, eh?  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
SPECIAL THANKS TO  
The Anime Web Turnpike: http://www.anipike.com  
CFAN: The Comic Fan-Fiction Authors Network:  
http://members.aol.com/kielle/cfan.htm  
  
...and especially you, the reader.  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
URD  
o/~ I got flowers'n the spriiiiing! o/~  
  
MARA  
o/~ I got you t'wear my riiiiiiing! o/~  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
A TIP OF THE HAT TO  
Sonny Bono  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
URD  
o/~ And when I'm sad, yer a clown! o/~  
  
MARA  
o/~ And when I get scared, yer always 'round! o/~  
  
URD  
o/~ So let'em say your hair's toooooo long! o/~  
o/~ I don't care... with'u I can't go wroooooong! o/~  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
THANKS TO  
DC COMICS, DARK HORSE COMICS,  
Alan Moore, & Kosuke Fujishima  
for creating  
John Constantine & Ah My Goddess!  
  
and for not suing us.  
  
Aheh. :)  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
MARA  
o/~ Then put your lil' haaaand in miiiiiiine! o/~  
o/~ Thr ain't no'ill'r moooountain we can't cliiiimb!o/~  
  
URD & MARA  
o/~ BAAAAABE! o/~  
o/~ I GOT 'U BAAAABE! o/~  
o/~ YEAH I GOT 'U BAAAABE! o/~  
o/~ I GOT YOUUUUUUUUUU BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE! o/~  
  
(music ends)  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
John Constantine: Hellblazer was created by Alan Moore,  
Steve Bissette, and John Totleben. All rights and  
related characters are owned and published by DC Comics.  
  
Ah! My Goddess was created and copyrighted by Kosuke  
Fujishima. Published by Kodansha Ltd and Dark Horse  
Comics.  
  
This work of fan fiction is public domain and not intended  
for profit.  
  
-----------*-----------  
  
MARA  
Hahahahaa! Tha'was GREAAAAaAAT!  
  
URD  
Yeeaah! Lesss'doit again!  
  
(Fade out as MARA and URD lean against each other drunkenly and  
laugh happily...)  
  
-THE END-  
  
  
-REALLY-  
  
-OKAY, OKAY, SO THE WRITER'S NOTES AND OUTTAKES ARE NEXT-  



	6. The Loose Ends: Authors' Notes and Outta...

"You played it for her, now play it for me. Play it for  
me, Nigel. Play 'Lick My Love Pump'."  
  
-John Constantine,  
"John Constantine: Hellblazer"  
  
  
-*-  
  
David Tai & Rod M.  
present...  
  
  
Dire Fates  
A John Constantine: Hellblazer  
Ah! My Goddess!  
Crossover  
  
The Loose Ends:  
Previously unseen extra scenes never used  
and closing comments from the authors.  
  
-*-  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Candles flickered in the dark room, casting dancing shadows on  
everyone sitting in the room.   
  
John Constantine lit up a cigarette, leaned back, and blew smoke  
into the air, as he sighed. Another meeting.   
  
  
-----------------  
  
John Constantine: Hellblazer  
The Trenchcoat Brigade  
  
-----------------  
  
  
He was bored. Better things to do than to sit around waiting  
with the others for the wanker.   
  
He looked around.   
  
Nearby sat a man in an olive brown trenchcoat, looking relatively  
normal and non-descript. This was Doctor Occult. He would be  
the most 'normal' one in the group... except for the fact that he  
shared his body with a female side, named 'Rose'. John had some  
respect for the man, as he was generally not unpleasant. At  
least, he was more tolerable than the other two.  
  
John looked at the other man sitting at the table.  
  
A man with red sunglasses, dressed in a white suit, and wearing a  
white trenchcoat muttered. John frowned. Mister E. He didn't  
trust the bastard, despite his powers to walk into the future.   
The man was disturbed. Saw everything in black and white. Then  
again, that was all he could see, for the man was blind. Stupid  
bastard.   
  
If he didn't hurry up, John thought, then he was taking off. In  
fact, he was going to go. John got up...   
  
The Phantom Stranger entered. "Good evening, gentlemen."   
  
John sat back down with a sigh.   
  
"The Fates are back in harmony," said the Stranger.  
  
"No thanks to you, you soddin' wank," grumbled John.  
  
The Phantom Stranger stoically ignored the remark. "And we have  
a new helper in our crusade."  
  
"Er? What?" asked John.  
  
"Someone we know?" asked Dr. Occult.  
  
"I hope you chose wisely," said Mr. E, idly caressing his knife.  
  
*POP*  
  
"Hihi!"  
  
Dr. Occult stared. John nearly let his cigarette drop out of his  
mouth. Mr. E looked horrified.  
  
Skuld, clad in a pink overcoat, waved happily.  
  
John groaned. "Tell me you didn't decide to open a junior  
branch of the Trenchcoat Brigade."   
  
Dr. Occult frowned. "Isn't she a tad... young?"   
  
Mr. E finally snapped out of his shock and held his knife in  
attack position. "A woman?"  
  
John winced. He'd forgotten about how Mr. E was with women...  
  
"A _woman_?" asked Mr. E again.  
  
"Keep yer bloody shorts on, E," said John angrily.  
  
"Mr. E, control yourself," said the Stranger.  
  
"YOU RECRUITED A WOMAN?! VILE TEMPTRESS! DIE!" Mr. E charged  
angrily at Skuld, pushing John aside with surprising ease.  
  
"Eek!"  
  
*WHAM*  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"Well, that was some excitement," said John.  
  
Skuld sheepishly put her mallet away. "Sorry, John. I forgot I  
wasn't supposed to mallet anyone when you're around."  
  
John smirked. "I'll let it go just this once, kid."  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
John sighed.  
  
How did he ever agree to this? This was disgusting! He   
almost wished he were back in the First of the Fallen's clutches.  
  
  
-----------------  
  
John Constantine: Hellblazer  
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?  
  
-----------------  
  
  
Keiichi ate his meal, smiling happily. He said something in  
Japanese that seemed to make Belldandy happy, bordering on giddy.  
She took a moment to gently wipe Keiichi's mouth, then sweetly  
kissed him on the cheek.  
  
He said something... sounded like 'skeeter' to John.  
  
Belldandy said likewise.  
  
Then they cuddled happily, generating a feeling of love and  
warmth.  
  
John stood up. "I've gotta take a walk." He left, heading  
towards the courtyard with a queasy look on his face.  
  
Behind him, Skuld blinked. She could hear him faintly mumbling  
something about saccharine and diabetes.  
  
"Why did he leave?"  
  
Urd shrugged. "No idea."  
  
Behind them, Keiichi and Belldandy were snuggling closely to each  
other, lost in rapturous adoration.   
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
The cat seemed to be looking at John expectantly, waiting for   
something to happen.  
  
"What? Scat! Shoo! Bloody cat." John gave the cat a swift and  
sure boot, sending it flying a few feet, over a fence and out of  
sight.  
  
That's when John noticed the odd stick-like object on the ground.  
  
"What the frig is this?" He picked up the object, and  
immediately felt the immense magic in it. "What the..."  
  
Suddenly, a few blocks away, a loud explosion shook the ground,  
sending a cloud of flames and debris flying. When the dust  
settled, a demon stood.  
  
"COOOOONSTAAAAAAANTIIIIIINE!"  
  
John blinked. "Well, frig me."  
  
Suddenly, the pen in his hand glowed brilliantly, blinding all.  
He was levitated into the air and felt something moving around  
his body. Before he could yell in surprise, the moment was over.  
  
"What the fuck was... er..."  
  
His voice seemed a little higher in pitch.  
  
"Oh shite! I grew tits!"  
  
  
-----------------  
  
John Constantine:  
SAILOR HELLBLAZER  
  
You have Mike Loader to blame, mostly, for this.  
  
-----------------  
  
  
John ahemed, and posed, pointing the Rod at the demon.  
  
"Right. In the name of the Moon, fuck off."  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"And what," asked the titanic demon, "are you going to do to stop  
me?"  
  
"See this here Star Crystal Moon Rod thingie?" John waved his...  
er... her magic rod about to accentuate the point.  
  
"Yeah." It seemed unimpressed. "You gonna blast me with it?   
Turn me into a toad with it?"  
  
"No. Gonna shove it up yer..."  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
John frowned. He was back home, finally, with the stupid rod.  
And Chas was laughing his ass off.  
  
"Sod it, Chas, I look bloody stupid in this fuku."  
  
"That ya do, Johnny. But yer arse looks great."  
  
"Back off, ya bloody pervert!"  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Rich's reaction wasn't much better.  
  
"Quick, Johnny, use yer magic dildo!"   
  
"Oh, VERY funny, Rich. Har-bloody-hah."  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
John slowly rose to his feet, unsure of where he was. One moment  
he was testing out Cromwell's Infinite Possibility Portal, the  
next he was face-first into concrete.  
  
"Bloody hell..."  
  
He seemed to be in the middle of a city somewhere. There were  
also a lot of people running away... yelling something about...  
an angel?  
  
Ah, this he had experience in. Angels, no problem.  
  
"Right then, where's the bloody..."  
  
And then he turned around...  
  
"Oh. Shite."  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
"Commander, the area isn't clear."  
  
"What?!" Major Misato Katsuragi shouted.  
  
"There's a... civilian confronting the angel, commander."  
  
"Is that idiot insane?!" yelled Misato.  
  
"Um, commander? The angel seems to be... um... retreating."  
  
Misato nearly did a double take. "Er, what? What happened?"  
  
"The civillian... um... seemed to have made a few rude gestures,   
and he's, er, yelling at the angel."  
  
Misato stared as the giant robotic creature, one of many which NERV  
had code-named 'angels', just... walked away.  
  
"Zoom in on him, I wanna know what the hell's going on!"  
  
The massive screens of NERV headquarters all zoomed in on a  
blond, scruffy looking individual that was in the middle of  
making quite a few rude gestures, yelling at the top of his  
lungs. In the distance, the angel was lumbering off.  
  
//-UCK OFF YA BIG FRIGGIN' WANKER! AND IF I SEE YER BLOODY   
FACE 'ROUND HERE AGAIN, SACHIEL, YOU'RE GONNA BE KISSING MY   
ARSE!//  
  
  
--------------------------  
NEON HELLBLAZER EVANGELION  
--------------------------  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Along the coast of Ireland, a solitary old man walked alone.  
His steps were slow, but steady, and his eyes were constantly  
looking out to the horizon.  
  
This place had so many memories. He couldn't think of any place  
he'd rather be at this moment.  
  
This was where he would die.  
  
  
-----------------  
John Constantine: Hellblazer  
Twilight  
-----------------  
  
He sat down on the grass and simply watched the ocean waves  
lapping onto the beach. They were soothing and almost hypnotic  
to watch.   
  
A sharp twinge of pain shot through his chest and John knew the  
time was near. He felt disappointed. His death seemed  
anticlimactic. Out with a whimper, not a bang. He thought he'd  
die one day pushing the limits, going too far, and thus, out with  
a glorious bang.  
  
Instead he was wheezing on the beach.  
  
What bullshit.  
  
What had he accomplished? When he'd set out on the road of magic  
so long ago, he'd had such grand dreams. He was going to change  
the world! Yeah, he'd show the bloody establishment the right  
way to do it!  
  
Eighty years later, he mused ruefully, the world was still the  
same old shitball it'd always been.  
  
But dammit, he tried. He really did.  
  
He had nothing to be ashamed about.  
  
"No bloody regrets."  
  
He felt a chill and drew his trenchcoat tighter around him and  
wondered why his head was spinning.  
  
"Hi John."  
  
John smiled at the voice, a warm and soothing voice that he  
hadn't heard in a while, then felt a warm kiss on his cheek. He  
turned to his side and saw Skuld sitting there beside him. She  
had grown up so beautifully, she had, resembling Peorth greatly  
but with a less sultry and more a warm and caring demeanor.  
  
"Hi, luv. Long time no see. Still beautiful, too."  
  
Skuld blushed. "Thanks, John."  
  
"So, what brings you here?"  
  
Skuld smiled. "What do you think?"  
  
"So I really am going to die."  
  
She held his hand. "Don't think of it as dying. Just think of  
it as moving on."  
  
John grunted, but didn't comment. Instead he just stared out  
into the ocean.  
  
"I wonder... will it hurt much?"  
  
Skuld smiled. "I don't think you have to worry about that."  
  
"Oh? And why not?"  
  
She pointed to something behind him. John turned his head  
around and...  
  
"Oh. Well. That's that."  
  
... saw his own body.  
  
He stood up slowly, noticing that everything seemed easier now.  
Then he dusted off his knees, stretched a bit, and looked at  
Skuld.  
  
"So, what happens now?"  
  
She stood up, stretching out her wings as she did, and embraced  
John with wings and arms alike.  
  
"Now it's time to leave."  
  
The two faded from existence, leaving the cold shell of a magus  
discarded and alone on the beach. Faintly, however, a voice  
could be heard in the winds.  
  
"... and this time, try not to piss off God."  
  
"Who, me?"  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
AUTHORS' COMMENTARY  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Closing remarks: Why, man, why?  
-djt  
  
This fanfic all started when a bunch of people were sitting  
around talking on a MUCK. All of a sudden, this one guy said,  
"Hmmm, I want to try an anime crossover with Hellblazer," out of  
the blue.  
  
Y'know, I always thought that Hellblazer was kinda cool, thanks  
to my friend who had a LOT of these comics, but I'd never really  
gotten into it. But somehow, there we were, throwing out ideas  
for what anime would fit in with Hellblazer.  
  
(There's more than you think, but we'll write those later,   
thanks. :) )  
  
One of those brought up was Oh My Goddess! (Okay, so _I_  
brought it up.)  
  
Believe me, Rod (for that's who brought up the idea) was  
skeptical. For one thing, Oh My Goddess is a rather sweet  
romantic series about goddesses who came to live with a college  
student. What did they have in common with a series about a guy  
who regularly thumbed his nose with demons, cursed, and generally  
functioned as an anti-hero?   
  
But I just had this image of Skuld and John working together in  
my head. So I sort of... talked Rod into it. He started it out.   
And we sort of started blundering around, till we just said, the  
hell with it, and sat down and worked out an actual plot.  
  
And there you are.   
  
(Well, it wasn't quite that easy. The biggest problem with OMG!  
was trying to do SOMETHING with Belldandy. She, more than any  
other story element from OMG!, just CLASHED with the portrayal  
of John Constantine. So... well, we just sort of put her aside  
till we COULD use her. And I'm not sure how Peorth ended up in  
this story.)  
  
Oh, yes, one more thing? Belldandy and Keiichi's story isn't  
over, not yet. :) See, I ran a few Vertigo titles past Rod  
that might mesh with OMG far better than Hellblazer did, and...  
well, we'll just have to wait and see, eh? ^_-  
  
-David Tai (dtai@ix.netcom.com)  
  
  
-*-  
  
  
Closing Remarks: Building a Mystery  
-rodM  
  
I'd like to relate to you folks how this little  
project began, if I may.  
  
Mind you, this is my version. It may be wildly  
innacurate, as I am very famous for my swiss  
cheeze memory. (David's note: And lotsa typos.  
Hunting down typos he makes is takin' up more  
time for me than writing does. :P You can try  
findin' the typos here, I'm done huntin' n'   
fixing! Frankly, I'm surprised there are so   
few. ^_^)  
  
On a muck I frequent, me and a few other fanfic  
writers were mulling about and the conversation  
led to the Vertigo line of DC Comics. This line  
is most famous for Neil Gaiman's 'The Sandman'  
series, but is also noted for one other, less  
heralded but still popular series: Hellblazer.  
  
I wanted to do a Misc Anime/Hellblazer crossover,  
but wasn't sure which one would do best.  
  
-Ranma? Oversaturated market. And besides, come  
on people, it'd be tacky. The genres mix like  
oil and water.  
  
-La Blue Girl? Heheheh... nah. I'm no lemon  
writer.  
  
-Phantom Quest Corps? The genres certainly do  
mix, slightly. Both deal with the supernatural.  
It had potential.  
  
-Devil Hunter Yohko? Not a bad match, and I even  
have a plot. Maybe, maybe.  
  
-Blue Seed? I actually have a plot for this. I'm  
still considering it.  
  
-Vampire Princess Miyu? Perfect match, but nobody  
could bring up a plot.  
  
-Sailor Moon? Erah... WAHAHAHAHAAA!  
  
-DragonBall Z? Oh please.  
  
-Ah My Goddess? Well... the genres and past  
histories of both series don't exactly blend  
smoothly, no.   
  
But... there was an AMG fan in the group. This  
would be David. He had a plot idea. I listened.  
I stopped him every now and then to kill a few  
ideas, and encourage others... and slowly the plot  
began to develop.  
  
At first, I was under the impression that we were  
going to team up Urd and John. Little did I know  
David was a pedophile (JUST KIDDING! ^_^) er,  
David was a big fan of Skuld's.  
  
And then there was Mara. It was logical we use  
Mara. She's a demon. John messes with demons all  
the time.  
  
Then there was Peorth. She... is very obscure.  
Very, very obscure. I'm not sure if she's been  
seen in the american comic reprints yet. We've  
been writing her based on guesses and information  
on websites, really.  
  
Then there was Belldandy. I didn't wanna write  
Belldandy. I didn't know how to, and truth be  
told, she just didn't fit into the plot.  
  
We shrugged and chucked her outta the plot :)  
  
At first, it was just going to be John discovering  
that nobody was at the helm of the Yggdrasil, and  
Mara, Peorth, and Urd vying for control with John  
as a pawn being used in one way or another by all  
of them.  
  
Didn't work.  
  
That just wasn't right. We needed a villian.  
Hrm. Garth Ennis always wrote the Archangels as a  
pack of jerks, so there was our list of  
candidates. And since Raphael is defined as the  
one to oversee humanity, well....  
  
Okay. The norn sisters are off to Japan and in  
their absense, Raphael decides to give the Yggdrasil  
a test run, resulting in disaster.  
  
We wrote part 1 and half of part 2 with that in  
mind. Then we had another idea. Bring in the big  
bad boy himself, the First of the Fallen.  
  
NOW we had the complete plot, as you see it.  
  
And then Mike gave us the Sailor Hellblazer idea.  
We laughed, we cried, we finished Dire Fates :)  
  
What were we trying to say with Dire Fates? Was  
there any political/religious message here?  
  
Well, no, not really.  
  
At the most, I guess, I'd say 'be nice to each  
other'. That's about it.  
  
-Rod M. rpm@thekeep.org  
  
  
---  
  
For the gallery and pictures to Dire Fates, please go to:  
  
http://www.thekeep.org/~rpm/vertigo/direfates 


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